Page 3 | AIBU to expect my mother to know my address as an adult?

aredrosegrewup · 2026-03-13T13:33:37+00:00

Looking for some opinions and perspectives to see if I'm being unreasonable. There's definitely relevant previous background, but on the whole do mothers of adult children, regardless of age, know their address? Not just where they live but their actual address, or at least have it written down somewhere? I appreciate this seems ridiculous in the grand scheme of life, but as with most things in life, it's one of many other issues. Thanks!

Original poster

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 17:17

MudOnBoots · 13/03/2026 16:21

I think it depends on wider context, but for what it’s worth OP, I can understand the frustration.

My mum asks me a few times a year (usually to send gifts that never actually arrive/exist). She has never remembered or bothered to write it down which does frustrate me for a multitude of reasons. However it is part of a wider issue where I am generally forgotten by her (including birthday and Christmas, never visits) and when I am remembered it is because I can be useful to her. Others get treated far better by her.

A friends DM on the other hand doesn’t know the exact address of my friend but could drive there. She is a lovely but scatty woman. Even if she did note it down she would probably forget!

Edited

I think these things are always part of a wider context aren't they. From what I've gathered here, those who feel they have no immediate family issues don't have or see a problem with it, but it's maybe different for those of use with strained relationships.

OP posts:

Giddykiddy · 13/03/2026 17:16

My mum would have known and I sure know my DD's address and postcode. Ex MIL was super disorganised and never knew any of that stuff which astounded me

Original poster

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 17:14

Maddy70 · 13/03/2026 17:10

I do have children. I honestly couldn't tell you their addresses. I go there frequently but would t know them off the top of my head. I genuinely cannot fathom why you're so anxious about an address?

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I'm not anxious. I said in my OP that there is a background. I'm trying to understand others' perspectives. For me, it feels like an "I can't be arsed to remember or write down your address, but I can be arsed to text you and inconvenience you every time to ask for it".

OP posts:

Maddy70 · 13/03/2026 17:10

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 15:10

It might not be an issue for you. If you have children would you want to know theirs?

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I do have children. I honestly couldn't tell you their addresses. I go there frequently but would t know them off the top of my head. I genuinely cannot fathom why you're so anxious about an address?

fussychica · 13/03/2026 16:25

I know the address of DS but I'd have to check the postcode. He knows ours but again might have to check the postcode.

SmudgeButt · 13/03/2026 16:22

My mom used to get as far as "England" and have to look up the rest.

My parents had a telephone number book where everyone they knew was listed and changed made over about 50 years before they had to buy a second book as there was no room to make changes in the first book. And lots of people crossed out as they died. The second book started to get toppers of post it notes for some of us moving around a lot.

MudOnBoots · 13/03/2026 16:21

I think it depends on wider context, but for what it’s worth OP, I can understand the frustration.

My mum asks me a few times a year (usually to send gifts that never actually arrive/exist). She has never remembered or bothered to write it down which does frustrate me for a multitude of reasons. However it is part of a wider issue where I am generally forgotten by her (including birthday and Christmas, never visits) and when I am remembered it is because I can be useful to her. Others get treated far better by her.

A friends DM on the other hand doesn’t know the exact address of my friend but could drive there. She is a lovely but scatty woman. Even if she did note it down she would probably forget!

AddictedToBooks · 13/03/2026 16:10

My mum knows where I live but she wouldn't have a clue of the address or even the house number but that's more because she doesn't have an address book anymore and she's in her 70s and can't remember stuff as much - although I did buy her a notebook entitled "Shit that I forgot" amongst her Christmas presents which she was actually really pleased with (I never normally swear infront of my mum, but she loved the title of the book) - so maybe she might have my address after all

MasterBeth · 13/03/2026 16:05

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 14:10

What would you think if she repeatedly asked for your address out of interest?

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I'd be concerned because she used to live at it.

Original poster

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 16:03

Lengokengo · 13/03/2026 15:55

i completely understand why you are checking. If you grow up in a neglectful household, it’s hard to classify what’s generally normal parenting behaviour and which parts are the rubbish neglectful parts.

I have told what I considered to be funny stories from my childhood, only to find out that they were shocking / surprising to the listener, and examples of neglect/ poor parenting, whereas for me they were just normal / slightly funny situations. Obviously there are many less funny stories, but you trend not to tell those.

your calibration gauge is skewed of normal parenting. My mum gets my first name wrong, and spells my married name incorrectly the majority of the time. This can be a funny story, but sometimes it just isn’t.

develop a good eye roll and mirror her level of care/ interest, is my best advice.

Thank you! I'm trying to get better at mirroring.

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Original poster

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 16:01

ForAmusedHazelQuoter · 13/03/2026 15:46

I didn’t know all my DC’s when they were at uni, they each had four homes so that’s twelve addresses.
Why is this such a thing for you?

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For me, I dont understand why it's such an issue/so hard for her to either remember or make a note of my address. It feels like a lack of effort in my situation.

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DestinedToBeOutlived · 13/03/2026 15:57

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 14:55

It is in my case. Those 2 seconds it takes to send the address is the 2 seconds it takes to save the address.

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As I originally said, YABU on this issue alone, but I totally get that's it's a tiny part of a much bigger picture so it's understandable.

Lengokengo · 13/03/2026 15:55

i completely understand why you are checking. If you grow up in a neglectful household, it’s hard to classify what’s generally normal parenting behaviour and which parts are the rubbish neglectful parts.

I have told what I considered to be funny stories from my childhood, only to find out that they were shocking / surprising to the listener, and examples of neglect/ poor parenting, whereas for me they were just normal / slightly funny situations. Obviously there are many less funny stories, but you trend not to tell those.

your calibration gauge is skewed of normal parenting. My mum gets my first name wrong, and spells my married name incorrectly the majority of the time. This can be a funny story, but sometimes it just isn’t.

develop a good eye roll and mirror her level of care/ interest, is my best advice.

Thechaseison71 · 13/03/2026 15:49

I know one daughters full address and my son's. The other daughter I know the first line, eg 1 any street and town but not postcode. Amazon however has it saved for me lol

ForAmusedHazelQuoter · 13/03/2026 15:46

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 15:10

It might not be an issue for you. If you have children would you want to know theirs?

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I didn’t know all my DC’s when they were at uni, they each had four homes so that’s twelve addresses.
Why is this such a thing for you?

MyDeftDuck · 13/03/2026 15:32

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 15:21

What is AC?

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Adult children as apposed to GC……Grandchildren

Original poster

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 15:28

SemiSober · 13/03/2026 15:25

Do you think your mum shows little interest in your life, in general?

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Yes, I would say so.

OP posts:

SemiSober · 13/03/2026 15:25

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 14:43

And I think it's unreasonable not to know your children's address, after repeatedly giving it. (My circumstances, not yours).

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Do you think your mum shows little interest in your life, in general?

Seymour5 · 13/03/2026 15:21

milveycrohn · 13/03/2026 14:55

I would need to check the postcode; but they are written down somewhere.

Exactly the same. My DC have moved around a bit, one quite extensively, and I’ve always know their address. I might not know the postal details if they lived nearby, that would be reasonable.

Original poster

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 15:21

MyDeftDuck · 13/03/2026 15:18

Of course my AC know my address……they were my NOK at one stage and are my attorneys too.

What is AC?

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Original poster

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 15:20

ReadingCrimeFiction · 13/03/2026 15:16

The quetion is whether she's clueless on everyone's address, or just yours?

I am not great at physical addresses any more. Like a PP mentioned, it was better when I had an old fashioned address book. I lost it and somehow, never got myself together again.

But if she remembers everyone else's but not yours.... that would be annoying.

There's also the lazy factor - I can never remember my sister's address exactly but I never ask her for it. I just quickly look it up. Because I'd look like an idiot asking her.

Erm I'm not sure if I'm honest, our conversations don't run deep enough to know whether or not she knows other people's addresses. I imagine however, when my sisters get their own places in the future (age gap), that their addresses are more likely to be remembered or at least saved somewhere.

OP posts:

MyDeftDuck · 13/03/2026 15:18

Of course my AC know my address……they were my NOK at one stage and are my attorneys too.

Original poster

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 15:17

Purplecatshopaholic · 13/03/2026 15:15

My mum had it written down for the odd time she might post me something. Certainly wouldn’t have remembered it - she probably would have got the town but not more than that!

I dont expect her to know it without it being written down necessarily.

OP posts:

XelaM · 13/03/2026 15:17

readforpleasure · 13/03/2026 13:47

I suppose it would be annoying that she was so disorganised but it wouldn’t bother me further than that!

Try having your mum giving your future inheritance to your sister as she’s never ever bothered to work - she’s 50 and abled bodied - and your mum says ‘well she needs it more than you’, which is bollocks! Now that’s a piss-take when I’m working full time with kids and a mortgage to pay and want to put my kids through uni.

Your problem wouldn’t bother me at all in comparison.

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Ugh that's awful 😣

ReadingCrimeFiction · 13/03/2026 15:16

The quetion is whether she's clueless on everyone's address, or just yours?

I am not great at physical addresses any more. Like a PP mentioned, it was better when I had an old fashioned address book. I lost it and somehow, never got myself together again.

But if she remembers everyone else's but not yours.... that would be annoying.

There's also the lazy factor - I can never remember my sister's address exactly but I never ask her for it. I just quickly look it up. Because I'd look like an idiot asking her.