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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect my mother to know my address as an adult?

194 replies

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 13:33

Looking for some opinions and perspectives to see if I'm being unreasonable.

There's definitely relevant previous background, but on the whole do mothers of adult children, regardless of age, know their address? Not just where they live but their actual address, or at least have it written down somewhere?

I appreciate this seems ridiculous in the grand scheme of life, but as with most things in life, it's one of many other issues.

Thanks!

OP posts:
WheretheFishesareFrightening · 13/03/2026 19:42

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 14:20

Do you know her address?

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Yes but I lived there for 18 years so it would be weird if I didn’t.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 13/03/2026 18:47

I don’t know my mums address. I have it written down though, so don’t have to ask her for it. It wouldn’t bother me if she didn’t know mine. She’s got it written down but if she needed to know it, she only has to ask 🤷🏼‍♀️

Myteenhonestly · 13/03/2026 18:47

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 18:43

I haven't yet, we've had a two week break as she's away.

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Ok so raise it with her but I imagine that there are many many much more disturbing issues that you’d probs my be better periodising

Original poster
aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 18:43

Myteenhonestly · 13/03/2026 18:41

Did you raise your feelings about the address issue with your psychologist?

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I haven't yet, we've had a two week break as she's away.

OP posts:
Myteenhonestly · 13/03/2026 18:41

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 18:34

I'm not sure I can be arsed. I can barely bring myself to buy a normal present. We're in trenches of infertility and mothers day is a bit of a sore subject.

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You don’t need to buy her a normal present
the address book can by your present

Myteenhonestly · 13/03/2026 18:41

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 18:36

I already see a wonderful therapist (psychologist). I just fancied the opinions of strangers for a change.

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Did you raise your feelings about the address issue with your psychologist?

BoarBrush · 13/03/2026 18:36

We just moved last weekend, my parents know the address but probably not the postcode but they would be smart enough to Google that.

Original poster
aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 18:36

Myteenhonestly · 13/03/2026 18:29

Ok so don’t waste your brain space on this address issue.

Have you considered therapy for what sounds like a very difficult relationship with your mother?

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I already see a wonderful therapist (psychologist). I just fancied the opinions of strangers for a change.

OP posts:
Original poster
aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 18:34

Myteenhonestly · 13/03/2026 18:28

My suggestion of sending her an address book with your address in it was a serious one - would you consider doing this?

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I'm not sure I can be arsed. I can barely bring myself to buy a normal present. We're in trenches of infertility and mothers day is a bit of a sore subject.

OP posts:
Myteenhonestly · 13/03/2026 18:29

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 18:20

I can't disagree. Sometimes having a selection of experiences from others helps though.

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Ok so don’t waste your brain space on this address issue.

Have you considered therapy for what sounds like a very difficult relationship with your mother?

LindorDoubleChoc · 13/03/2026 18:29

I would have to look my son's address up. I don't know the number of his house or the name of his street!

Myteenhonestly · 13/03/2026 18:28

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 18:18

Oh yes, the dreaded mothers day!

It's happened a few times.over the past 5 years. More regularly when we first moved here and she couldn't remember the route, but didn't keep the address.

I started it as I couldn't work out how I was feeling about it, sometimes with these turbulent relationships, the things that seem small and insignificant can sometimes be harder to rationalise.

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My suggestion of sending her an address book with your address in it was a serious one - would you consider doing this?

mumofoneAloneandwell · 13/03/2026 18:26

I think that the other issues are the problem tbh girl

I dont know addresses tbh, especially if they're near to me

joyava · 13/03/2026 18:25

My aunt sent me a long rant of an email about how rude my daughter was for not thanking her for a gift. We wracked our brains trying to figure out what she was talking about. Turned out she sent it to a completely wrong address (not even an old address).
Luckily when we were able to retrieved it. Totally bizarre carry on.

Original poster
aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 18:20

Myteenhonestly · 13/03/2026 18:11

from how you allude to the very poor relationship with your mother… yes it will likely be lack of effort, but I imagine there you can bring up a catalogue of examples of lack of effort which put this in the shade!

This is all about a difficult and complex and negative mother / daughter relationship and nothing to do with an address

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I can't disagree. Sometimes having a selection of experiences from others helps though.

OP posts:
Original poster
aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 18:18

Myteenhonestly · 13/03/2026 18:08

This is very strange. Firstly that this happens so often given you aren’t close. How many people are wanting to send you things?!

Secondly that this issue of address sees but a teeny tiny drop in the ocean of a entire life history of a very difficult relationship with your
mother and yet you have started a thread about this.

Finally, you could buy your mother an address book for Mother’s Day and insert one address. YOUR address!

Oh yes, the dreaded mothers day!

It's happened a few times.over the past 5 years. More regularly when we first moved here and she couldn't remember the route, but didn't keep the address.

I started it as I couldn't work out how I was feeling about it, sometimes with these turbulent relationships, the things that seem small and insignificant can sometimes be harder to rationalise.

OP posts:
Myteenhonestly · 13/03/2026 18:11

aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 16:01

For me, I dont understand why it's such an issue/so hard for her to either remember or make a note of my address. It feels like a lack of effort in my situation.

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from how you allude to the very poor relationship with your mother… yes it will likely be lack of effort, but I imagine there you can bring up a catalogue of examples of lack of effort which put this in the shade!

This is all about a difficult and complex and negative mother / daughter relationship and nothing to do with an address

Myteenhonestly · 13/03/2026 18:08

This is very strange. Firstly that this happens so often given you aren’t close. How many people are wanting to send you things?!

Secondly that this issue of address sees but a teeny tiny drop in the ocean of a entire life history of a very difficult relationship with your
mother and yet you have started a thread about this.

Finally, you could buy your mother an address book for Mother’s Day and insert one address. YOUR address!

cramptramp · 13/03/2026 17:48

I know the road names my children live in but not the house numbers or postcodes. They live nearby so I never post anything to them. They both told me their full addresses via WhatsApp when they moved in so if I ever needed it I’d just do a search. I wouldn’t ask them.

Worktillate · 13/03/2026 17:44

I personally don't think it's a big deal @aredrosegrewup

I remember things, it's the way my brain works. I can reel off addresses, phone numbers and loads of other information. Not everyone can.

The house I live in now is opposite one of the houses I lived in as a child. We lived there for 7 years. My brother asks for the address whenever he sends anything. Every. Single. Time. I give him the address without question as he's taking the time to send something - that's how he's considering us. The fact he can't remember the address is quite irrelevant as his actions say more. I can remember his address perfectly. Our brains work differently.

Maybe if you have a contentious relationship then that is relevant. Maybe she doesn't want to get it wrong. Maybe she's trying to demonstrate that she's thinking about you by sending you something and that's what she feels is the relevant bit.

The bit about emergency services etc isn't relevant. She doesn't live there so it wouldn't be an action for her to take.

And yes, my mum does know my address but that's mainly because she lives round the corner. She forgets other things - it doesn't bother me

Original poster
aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 17:31

FiatLuxAdAstra · 13/03/2026 17:29

You’ve only been at the same address for 5 years and you are low contact with her. She is likely checking the address to ensure you have not moved again and as an excuse just to contact you.

She knew I hadn't moved again, I'm not that low contact. She's been here recently.

OP posts:
FiatLuxAdAstra · 13/03/2026 17:29

You’ve only been at the same address for 5 years and you are low contact with her. She is likely checking the address to ensure you have not moved again and as an excuse just to contact you.

Original poster
aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 17:26

sesquipedalian · 13/03/2026 17:23

OP, I think it depends. I have all my DC’s addresses (and all my other important addresses) in a file on my computer, but if you asked me their addresses, I might not be able to tell you the postcode without looking it up. For my DDs who are abroad, I have to look it up every time, because the spellings are difficult and the addresses are also quite long (post office take note - when I buy postage online, which I do quite regularly, it’s hard to cram all their address into the number of lines given).

What stands out to me in your case is that you have all their addresses. If you need their address, you can get it. Is it an intentional thing for you, would it feel odd not to have them?

OP posts:
sesquipedalian · 13/03/2026 17:23

OP, I think it depends. I have all my DC’s addresses (and all my other important addresses) in a file on my computer, but if you asked me their addresses, I might not be able to tell you the postcode without looking it up. For my DDs who are abroad, I have to look it up every time, because the spellings are difficult and the addresses are also quite long (post office take note - when I buy postage online, which I do quite regularly, it’s hard to cram all their address into the number of lines given).

Original poster
aredrosegrewup · 13/03/2026 17:22

SmudgeButt · 13/03/2026 16:22

My mom used to get as far as "England" and have to look up the rest.

My parents had a telephone number book where everyone they knew was listed and changed made over about 50 years before they had to buy a second book as there was no room to make changes in the first book. And lots of people crossed out as they died. The second book started to get toppers of post it notes for some of us moving around a lot.

Very organised!

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