Am I wasting my last chance at another baby?

From your last paragraph he clearly doesn't want your daughter around. Leave him - she can't be second best.

Eek no! Future faking Fucker and totally unstable baby producing environment.

Agree.

If I were to move out he would be at a loss financially and I would probably be better off as I would eventually be paying towards my own mortgage.
@MayNov You know this yet you continue with this nonstarter man. Why aren't you making the sensible choice for your daughter, instead of staying in this relationship in the hopes of some future child. Why aren't you prioritising your existing child?
You KNOW this man's a nonstarter. He's future faking you.

No it literally says they agreed they would try for a baby once she had a job. His reasons for suggesting abortion were totally valid, only been together 6 months and didn’t have enough money to have a baby. He didn’t visit, she doesn’t say she visited him
either, and then she cheated and didn’t tell him, he ‘found out’. She is the cheat here, he didn’t force her into an abortion, she agreed to it because she knew it made sense at the time.

He says we don’t have time alone because of my daughter, which is impacting negatively, I don’t understand why we can’t all spend time together like a family.

He doesn't want your existing daughter around. He doesn't want to be a family.
Your relationship is a shitshow where he resents your existing child, don't bring another child into this. Go rent your own place instead of helping him pay down his mortgage.

They hadn't decided they would try for a baby soon - he had just told her to abort their baby. Then she moved for work and he never made any effort to see her, she says he didnt visit once. The 'contract' they thought they were operating within was already fatally undermined by him and his actions, or lack of. She was probably very low and vulnerable.

I think you have two choices really:

1. tell him you are stopping your contraception and leave preventing a pregnancy in his hands; or
2. leave him and have a baby alone via a donor

Don’t count on this relationship resulting in a baby. He feels pressured and unsure due to the cheating (which he’s frankly right to feel tbh!) and you can’t rely on him to change his mind.

If having another child is your priority, you need to take it into your own hands. Whatever you do, just be honest about it.

Neither of you sound like great partners and you’re both unreasonable but I feel like the person who is most unreasonable is you OP. I can’t believe that you would consider bringing a child into this world in an unstable relationship when you have a four-year-old daughter that needs you to make sensible choices.

You sound like you could do with some therapy and you need to be single right now and focus on your daughter. At 37 yes you’re not a spring chicken anymore when it comes to fertility but I genuinely think that you do have a year to get your ducks in a row, get your head screwed on and then maybe in a years time look into having a baby by yourself if you are able to financially do that with having a four-year-old too.

You both sound immature and as though this is a chaotic, unhealthy relationship.

Enjoy the daughter you have, put her first and put aside the idea of another child with this man.

You cheated on him. No surprise he changed his mind. You may be financially stable but you don't sound mentally stable. Please put your child first. What a shit show.

Don't you think he deserves better too? She is the one who cheated on him with her ex after they had decided that they would try for a baby soon and after she moved away from him. I don't see what horrible thing it is he's supposed to have done other than gone off the idea of creating a family with OP.

Yeah but then you cheated on him and now he’s less sure about a baby, because it would be a stupid idea in this relationship. I bet he feels resentful and used too. End the relationship, move on and focus on your child.

Why do you need another kid above a secure relationship?

if you’re that laser focused leave him, buy some spunk on the internet and crack on

Do not have a child with this man in this situation. Not fair on your existing child or him tbh. FFS do you really need people on the internet to tell you this? Stop focusing on having a baby before you’re 40, and focus on your current child.

Because they are very hostile towards anyone who expresses regret at terminating a pregnancy. I'm so sad at some of these replies you're getting here OP. Either way, my tuppence is that you and your daughter deserve better than this guy. You really do. Wishing you all the best.

This is worse and worse the further you try to justify it. Why are you paying half of his mortgage instead of securing the future with your own mortgage for this imaginary future baby (not to mention the actual baby that already exists)?! Why are you totally ignoring that YOU cheated on him but focusing on him not wanting a baby?

Take responsibility for your own poor choices here and walk away. Get your own home, pay your own mortgage, focus on looking after the kid that you already have instead of the one that you don’t.

Do you apply that attitude to everything a vulnerable woman "consents" to?

So this is what you should do. Get your own property and pay your own mortgage.

Trust and respect from him to you has gone when you cheated and hence has changed his mind about having a child with you.

Would your ex have a baby with you given you already have one child together so they would be full siblings?

Then do that. Plan your financial future to benefit you and your child, not him, since he obviously isn't that interested.

Why are you risking yours and your daughter’s financial security by paying half of this man’s mortgage and having no stake in the property? That is madness.

So your ex left you when your baby was 3 months old?
You got together with your current boyfriend when your baby was 6 months old?
You fell pregnant when your baby was 1/relationship was 6 months old?

When did you introduce your bf to your baby? It sounds like everything was going far, far too fast at the beginning.

You and your bf need to break up. He clearly doesn’t want a baby with you, you clearly don’t think he’s “the one” - but you are so desperate for a baby before you are 40 you are willing to stay for that reason. That’s not good enough for any of you. Separate and work on being happy without a man and focus on your daughter who needs your attention. If you still want another baby, look at sperm donation.

Your current relationship isn’t working and adding a baby to the mix is not a good idea, it is a pretty terrible one. Your DP doesn’t sound as though he wants to spend time with the dc who is already here.

You have a dc and focusing on them seems a much more sensible idea, what are they not giving you that a baby would? Very shortly the new baby wouldn’t be baby and will just be another child.

You sound like you need to work on yourself girl.

This man doesn't want kids with you. End of.

Things are chaotic for you and you need to focus on being stable and clear on what youre doing. You're a single mum to a, no doubt lovely girl, focus on that, on securing your home and working somewhere that makes you happy.

You should absolutely NOT be in a relationship with anyone, but especially this man.

Dump him. Focus on stability for you and dd, and then look into sperm donation should you want a 2nd.

I personally believe that the kids should have the same absent/shite father, so if your oldest doesn't have a dad, sperm donation could be the best way to ensure a fair experience for the two kids.

All the best 💐

He is right to not want a child with you, and you shouldn’t want one with him either.
You cheated. He doesn’t want your daughter around.

Leave, and focus on the child you have rather than this fantasy second child who is destabilising your life simply by being in your head.