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Original poster

Salary gaps… never thought they were so wide!

85 replies

Donotfitin · 13/03/2026 06:57

I always thought our marriage was fairly uncommon in terms of me being the main breadwinner and making 2x-3x as much as my husband

However apparently the average gap is £32k and apparently 23% of women are the main breadwinners!

So my husband was right after all!

AiBU for veins so surprised?

OP posts:
Tigerbalmshark · 13/03/2026 08:28

If somebody is on £40k, yes a £32k pay gap is massive. If both of you are on over £100k, it isn’t really - I’d say somebody earning £150k and somebody earning £180k were on pretty similar salaries.

JoWilkinsonsno1fan · 13/03/2026 08:28

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 13/03/2026 07:48

I'm the higher earner by quite a long way - the gap between me and my DH is more than £32k. The same is true for my sister and her DH. I don't think it's that unusual any more, so l am not terribly surprised by the numbers.

Same for me and my sister, I have been with DH for 25 years and I have always earned more!

ShakeNCake · 13/03/2026 08:24

20k gap between me and DP, with him the breadwinner. Both full time, both in same industry, he WFH and I'm hybrid so have to commute.

Original poster
Donotfitin · 13/03/2026 08:23

FasciolaHepatica · 13/03/2026 08:20

Yes. That is the case. How can this be a surprise to you?

In my two professionals marriage with both of us earning over 6 figures, husband still earns double what I do. He is in a high pay sector, I am not. The pay gap between us is over £100k. When we first met, I outearned him, but stopped pushing forward when our kids were small.

Show quote history

Because in my immediate friend group (4)

only one is a stay at home parent

the other 3, 2 are the high earners, 1 is about the same (but used to be the higher earner).

im the only “professional” of the group.

OP posts:
han6729 · 13/03/2026 08:21

Donotfitin · 13/03/2026 08:00

Do you have the source? Because that was my original theory. (I was telling my husband that in a dual income (FT employed) family, the income between the two should be similar.

Show quote history

Why…? I went to uni and DH didn’t so I’d expect to earn more than him (for the time I graduated, at least)

FasciolaHepatica · 13/03/2026 08:20

Donotfitin · 13/03/2026 07:34

But considering the median salary is just shy of £40k, that would mean that either

a) a big chunk of the population is homemaker

b) many work very part time jobs

Show quote history

Yes. That is the case. How can this be a surprise to you?

In my two professionals marriage with both of us earning over 6 figures, husband still earns double what I do. He is in a high pay sector, I am not. The pay gap between us is over £100k. When we first met, I outearned him, but stopped pushing forward when our kids were small.

BlatchFord · 13/03/2026 08:18

Thepeopleversuswork · 13/03/2026 08:16

I agree. I have always been the main breadwinner, both in my marriage where I out-earned my then husband by a factor of three and since divorce my partner, who I out-earn but by a smaller margin.

If you start out as a female breadwinner you are less likely to be able to step away from it because the infrastructure of family life is built around your earnings plus the outgoings which you incur to enable you to work to provide for your children (such nursery fees etc). And that’s before you think about housing/food costs etc.

If a man and a woman are roughly at earning parity it tends to be the woman who deprioritises her career. If the woman is a higher earner than the man this usually isn’t an option.

This is partly why so many women end up on the “double shift”: men tend to do less domestic and childcare based work and if the household primarily relies on your income you end up doing the lion’s share of both kinds of work.

No wonder we are knackered…

Show quote history

And in some cases (mine) the man doesn’t want to go part time so you have the guilt of using full time childcare or the pressure of earning the bulk whilst working part time…

Thepeopleversuswork · 13/03/2026 08:16

ReadingCrimeFiction · 13/03/2026 08:02

I thibk the big gap when women are the breadwinners actually makes sense. In situations where salaries are fairly equal, it tends to be the woman who is then likely to take a step back or go part time or become a sahp.

At which point, even if the woman was on a slightly higher salary it very quickly becomes less.

Whereas if your salary is always higher , and notably so, probably with much more opportunity, the debate when children come along is dofferent.

St the point at which we had children, i earned 4x what dh did. There was never any question that I would continue to woek and he would take on the sahd and then part time role.

I agree. I have always been the main breadwinner, both in my marriage where I out-earned my then husband by a factor of three and since divorce my partner, who I out-earn but by a smaller margin.

If you start out as a female breadwinner you are less likely to be able to step away from it because the infrastructure of family life is built around your earnings plus the outgoings which you incur to enable you to work to provide for your children (such nursery fees etc). And that’s before you think about housing/food costs etc.

If a man and a woman are roughly at earning parity it tends to be the woman who deprioritises her career. If the woman is a higher earner than the man this usually isn’t an option.

This is partly why so many women end up on the “double shift”: men tend to do less domestic and childcare based work and if the household primarily relies on your income you end up doing the lion’s share of both kinds of work.

No wonder we are knackered…

Original poster
Donotfitin · 13/03/2026 08:14

keepswimming38 · 13/03/2026 08:09

I earn twice husbands salary despite having part time work and taking 2-3 years out of career. He’s never been that career orientated.

I wonder if you just look at data for professional couples what the statistics would reveal.

That is my particular case . Also part of hypothesis was that people tend to marry within their peer group so to speak.

OP posts:
BlatchFord · 13/03/2026 08:11

keepswimming38 · 13/03/2026 08:09

I earn twice husbands salary despite having part time work and taking 2-3 years out of career. He’s never been that career orientated.

I wonder if you just look at data for professional couples what the statistics would reveal.

I wouldn’t be surprised to hear amongst professional women on 40k+, they’re the bigger earners

keepswimming38 · 13/03/2026 08:09

I earn twice husbands salary despite having part time work and taking 2-3 years out of career. He’s never been that career orientated.

I wonder if you just look at data for professional couples what the statistics would reveal.

sundayvibeswig22 · 13/03/2026 08:08

i thought it might be more. Within my friend group and family the women outearn the men. Perhaps it’s our group, we’re all lifelong friends, attended the same grammar and went to uni. Most of the husbands didn’t go to uni but still do ok.

BlatchFord · 13/03/2026 08:06

Donotfitin · 13/03/2026 07:34

But considering the median salary is just shy of £40k, that would mean that either

a) a big chunk of the population is homemaker

b) many work very part time jobs

Show quote history

A lot of people don’t work at all, OP, or barely.

sunsetsites · 13/03/2026 08:05

Donotfitin · 13/03/2026 08:00

Do you have the source? Because that was my original theory. (I was telling my husband that in a dual income (FT employed) family, the income between the two should be similar.

Show quote history

Slightly less than half of mothers work full time, there’s ONS data for this. The overall gap in income is largely due to this.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 13/03/2026 08:04

ReadingCrimeFiction · 13/03/2026 08:02

I thibk the big gap when women are the breadwinners actually makes sense. In situations where salaries are fairly equal, it tends to be the woman who is then likely to take a step back or go part time or become a sahp.

At which point, even if the woman was on a slightly higher salary it very quickly becomes less.

Whereas if your salary is always higher , and notably so, probably with much more opportunity, the debate when children come along is dofferent.

St the point at which we had children, i earned 4x what dh did. There was never any question that I would continue to woek and he would take on the sahd and then part time role.

This is a very fair point.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 13/03/2026 08:04

Donotfitin · 13/03/2026 08:00

Do you have the source? Because that was my original theory. (I was telling my husband that in a dual income (FT employed) family, the income between the two should be similar.

Show quote history

Surely that depends on what they each do, which sector they work in etc.

If my dd stays with her current bf, as per her intention, then she will eventually end up earning a lot more than he does because of their respective career choices.

ReadingCrimeFiction · 13/03/2026 08:02

I thibk the big gap when women are the breadwinners actually makes sense. In situations where salaries are fairly equal, it tends to be the woman who is then likely to take a step back or go part time or become a sahp.

At which point, even if the woman was on a slightly higher salary it very quickly becomes less.

Whereas if your salary is always higher , and notably so, probably with much more opportunity, the debate when children come along is dofferent.

St the point at which we had children, i earned 4x what dh did. There was never any question that I would continue to woek and he would take on the sahd and then part time role.

Original poster
Donotfitin · 13/03/2026 08:00

sunsetsites · 13/03/2026 07:54

Many mothers do work part time though. That is largely where the difference comes from, because the income gap for men vs women looking only at full time earnings is actually significantly smaller and around 7%.

Show quote history

Do you have the source? Because that was my original theory. (I was telling my husband that in a dual income (FT employed) family, the income between the two should be similar.

OP posts:
sunsetsites · 13/03/2026 07:54

Donotfitin · 13/03/2026 07:34

But considering the median salary is just shy of £40k, that would mean that either

a) a big chunk of the population is homemaker

b) many work very part time jobs

Show quote history

Many mothers do work part time though. That is largely where the difference comes from, because the income gap for men vs women looking only at full time earnings is actually significantly smaller and around 7%.

OhDear111 · 13/03/2026 07:53

At one stage we had a difference of over £400,000. In his favour! I enjoyed his earnings and it was never going to be attainable for me. No issues really.

BIossomtoes · 13/03/2026 07:52

It doesn’t surprise me. Our salaries leapfrogged each other for years. I was the higher earner for a long time.

Original poster
Donotfitin · 13/03/2026 07:49

itsthetea · 13/03/2026 07:47

Well 23% is still fairly uncommon
and may be influenced by differnt life stages - women marrying older men will mean many work when husband has retired

and pay gaps are influenced by things like part time working for family reasons - so can be larger than you expect

You cannot call 23% fairly uncommon. That’s almost 1 in 4.

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 13/03/2026 07:48

I'm the higher earner by quite a long way - the gap between me and my DH is more than £32k. The same is true for my sister and her DH. I don't think it's that unusual any more, so l am not terribly surprised by the numbers.

itsthetea · 13/03/2026 07:47

Well 23% is still fairly uncommon
and may be influenced by differnt life stages - women marrying older men will mean many work when husband has retired

and pay gaps are influenced by things like part time working for family reasons - so can be larger than you expect

Original poster
Donotfitin · 13/03/2026 07:47

ThankFuckTheSunIsHere · 13/03/2026 07:44

Women don’t earn more than men op.

Key 2025 Gender Pay Gap Data (Median Hourly Earnings):

  • All Employees: 12.8% (in favor of men).
  • Full-time Employees: 6.9% (in favor of men).
  • Part-time Employees: -2.9% (in favor of women, as women earn more per hour on average in part-time roles).
  • Key Drivers: The gap is driven by, among other things, women's overrepresentation in part-time work, lower-paid occupations, and the "motherhood penalty" or time taken out of the workforce for caregiving.
  • Office for National Statistics
  • +4
Trends and Sector Differences:
  • Sector Differences: In 2025, the gender pay gap for full-time workers is 12.5% in the private sector compared to 8.8% in the public sector.
  • Age Factor: There is little to no pay gap for full-time employees under 40, but a significant gap emerges and widens for those aged 40 and over.
  • Progression: The gender pay gap has been falling since records began in 1997, when it was 27.5% for all workers.
  • The House of Commons Library
  • +3
Gender Pay Gap by Occupational Group (2025 Data):
  • 94% of jobs with over 200,000 full-time employees in the UK have a gender pay gap in favor of men.
  • Significant gaps remain in sectors like Finance, where median hourly pay for women is lower than men.
  • Ciphr
Low Pay and Bonuses:
  • Low Pay: 16.8% of jobs held by women are paid below the real Living Wage, compared to 12.3% of jobs held by men.
  • Bonuses: The mean bonus gap for 2025 is 5.5%, showing a decrease from previous years.

I never said that they did!

just said that the gap was wider than I thought, and that there are more female “main breadwinners “ than I was expecting.

OP posts: