Salary gaps… never thought they were so wide!

@Tigerbalmshark

There’s also a lot less acceptance of men leaving work early to do drop offs.

Hmmm. That may be true in some industries (construction, for example) but 90% of the time I think it's a cover story.

In white collar industries like consulting/finance etc it's become very much more tolerated that people of both sexes sometimes have to incorporate caring responsibilities. I have several male colleagues who make a point of collecting their kids every day.

And honestly men need to push at it. We've been doing it for decades and enduring being thought of as less ambitious/flaky/about to step of the ladder to have more babies. About time they had their turn. If we're ever going to get to proper parity in sharing the domestic load people need to challenge attitudes like this.

There’s also a lot less acceptance of men leaving work early to do drop offs.

I’m sure this wasn’t the case for your ExH as you’d presumably know, but every time DH leaves early or works from home for childcare reasons, it is made clear to him that it’s a one-off and he is burning through goodwill (he does plenty of drop offs so I have no reason to disbelieve him).

I actually earn double what he does, in a more demanding role, but a) my workplace is ten minutes walk from DS’s school, his is an hour away and b) I work in healthcare where flexibility is much more accepted as long as you aren’t doing anything patient-facing and the work is all getting done.

Why would they be similar. My husband earns 75K I earn 45K neither went to Uni
Most of my friends if not all work full-time but don't earn as much as their husbands

I earn 52k, dh earns 73k…same sector, same company, same dept…different roles 🤣

I think if I worked full-time then in our household we would have about an 8k gap in favour of my husband, but it's more than that right now as I work 0.8FTE. I have no idea honestly how many of my friends out earn their husbands, but I am sure some of them do, it's just not a topic that ever comes up for discussion.

@YorkStoriesi work in cybersecurity Only around 17–18% of cybersecurity professionals in the UK and US are female ad in the U.K. the percentage has been declining over the last 5 years. I go to a few conventions and industry events and it’s stark how imbalanced the mix of men and women is!

or your stats aren't very reliable!

Come on, you must see that that would be a huge proportion of people either not working at all or working about 4 hours a week!

While I can see your point about if one/both couples are very high earning, £32k isn't as much of a difference compared to low/average earners, only 4-9% of the UK earn over £100,000 so that can't account for it, either. In fact some reports say only 12% of the population earn over £50k Income tax explained | IFS Taxlab

Where did you get the £32k difference figure from, exactly?

A lot has to do with who goes part time to look after children. We are fairly uncommon in that because my employer flat refused to let me go part time after baby, my husband applied to and was successful.
While he still earns a good salary, my total package is now £120K above his (salary differential about £60K.) This is unlikely to have happened if I’d gone part time, or had a husband who wasn’t picking up the home stuff.

I'm the main breadwinner in our home. I am a professional female with a child and work part time. My husband isn't a low earner either, he's a high rate tax payer.

Info from AI but I asked for things with reliable data but this gives a breakdown of the balance of recently qualified males and females in professional roles.

UK Newly Qualified Professionals: Gender Breakdown (2025/26)
• Primary School Teaching
• Female: 85%
• Male: 15%
• Source: Department for Education (ITT Census 2025/26)
• Veterinary Surgeons
• Female: 80%
• Male: 20%
• Source: RCVS (Workforce Model 2024/25)
• Solicitors
• Female: 66%
• Male: 34%
• Source: Solicitors Regulation Authority (SRA 2025)
• Pharmacists
• Female: 63%
• Male: 37%
• Source: GPhC (Registrant Profile 2025)
• Medical Doctors
• Female: 60%
• Male: 40%
• Source: General Medical Council (GMC 2025)
• Dentists
• Female: 53%
• Male: 47%
• Source: General Dental Council (GDC 2025)
• Architects
• Female: 49%
• Male: 51%
• Source: Architects Registration Board (ARB 2025)
• Accountants (Chartered)
• Female: 46%
• Male: 54%
• Source: ICAEW (Student Intake Data 2025)
• Chartered Tax Advisors
• Female: 40%
• Male: 60%
• Source: CIOT / International Tax Review (2026)
• Engineers (Overall)
• Female: 20%
• Male: 80%
• Source: EngineeringUK (Graduate Entrants 2024/25)

I was going to say similar, for myself and quite a few of my female friends. And we have nearly all had children. I think it is becoming more common. 1 in 4 sounds about right, and hopefully it’ll grow more and become more common

I am the higher earner, my salary is nearly 4 times his, over that if I add my bonus. I live in a deprived area though where the vast majority of women become SAHMs or work very part time minimum wage jobs so my situation is unusual in our community. Most of the People I know don’t actually know what my job is, just that i work full time from home, they probably believe my DH is the main earner because that’s the norm. On the few occasions anyone has asked what I actually do for work I just say IT stuff so it’s not something I’ve had any in-depth conversations about.

I currently earn 20k more than DH and have done for decades, but I've always felt we're quite unusual.

I work in a professional role in the city with lots of women who are also professionals who earn good money. But it's only the women in these roles who are on part time or flexible wages/roles and those women are women whose husbands have similar jobs to them ie professional, well paid.

So even at this level with salaries that you woudl assume are not hugely different between men and women, the women then start to earn less / go part time.

It's also true that while I have met plenty of other main breadwinner women like myself whose partners work part time or are even SAHD, it is still true that in my broader circle (that includes work, school, friends etc), the men almost all work full time and any part time working is usually the woman. It's also true that on a day to day basis, the vast majority of people I meet, the woman is NOT the primary breadwinner or higher earner. That's not to say it doesn't happen, it does, and I know a good few, but it's a notable exception rather than anywhere near parity.

I would expect any data would be a few years old. Someone doing min. wage work for 30 hours would have only been earning around £16k a couple of years ago. Having a husband earning £48k plus doesn’t sound odd or unusual at all to me. This isn’t my circumstance, but when I look the families around me, I also feel ‘unusual’ as the higher earner.

I don't think it's that unusual tbh, there are lots of pairings where one partner is just more senior/career driven than the other.

Until recently I earned about 40k more than my DH, he only ended up increasing his wage because he was made redundant and the new role he found was better paid - now the gap is about 25k.

It's not for any reason really, just that we met at work in very different roles and he was never bothered about moving on or up, a job is just a job to him and he was comfortable in his, whereas I went into a more niche career and wanted to progress so moved employer a few times in the years since we met.

PS The gender pay gap is taken on the hourly rate of pay

In quite a few couples ove could not be working.
Then the higher earning group over three figures would have quite a few with more normal earning spouses.
Then the higher earning couples.

What overrides me is his it'll change. Minimum wage is not far off that gap. Salaries are not increasing much at the moment, so could see some narrowing of the gap.
But more unemployed and working fewer hours.

People with income outside of salary presumably aren't in this statistic.

There is a Houses of Parliament report from last month (Feb 2026) making this point.

Men in FT work make more than women
Women in PT work make slightly more than men

PT workers make much less than FT workers, and 37% of women vs, IIRC, 14% of men are in PT work. This is the dominant statistic.

The overall gender pay gap, mainly attributable to PT work, is something like 12.9%.

@BlatchFord

And in some cases (mine) the man doesn’t want to go part time so you have the guilt of using full time childcare or the pressure of earning the bulk whilst working part time…

Yep. My ex husband refused to go part time and also categorically refused to do any pickups or dropoffs. No coherent reason for this was ever provided because he flounced off when asked, but basically his view was that this was a woman’s job.

So although I out earned him by three to one and had a far far more stressful job I had to leave work every day an hour before my colleagues, incurring the wrath of my bosses, just because he was scared people would take the piss about being under the thumb.

This is one of the main reasons I divorced him. But these sorts of attitudes are still surprisingly prevalent.

I earn £30k more than my husband however he has the option to do overtime if he feels he needs extra, I am expected to work the hours required to do the job and my salary remains the same.

And it’s never occurred to you that basis your view on society as a whole on the 3 other couples you know might not actually be reflective or wider society?