AIBU to save less and spend more enjoying life now?

The international holidays and mini-breaks I’ve had as an adult have been some of the most meaning and fun experiences of my life. I’ve never regretted spending money on holidays and shirt breaks.

Have to respectfully disagree re holidays. My most desired destinations are insanely expensive (Orient Express, Kenya, etc) but I also have an amazing time on my cheap European getaways. I might never get to Aman Utah, but I can enjoy plenty of cheap trips to Italy that I love and are great value for money.

I don’t go into debt, but I don’t save either. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.

Having a public sector pension will still give you flexibility to retire earlier.

I have had a lot of health issues in the past 10 years and it has reminded me to enjoy life everyday because we are never guaranteed a tomorrow.

I am still careful with money but I make sure I do things I enjoy (hobbies, sports).

I did a fair amount of travelling when I was younger so I don't feel like I missed out on that.

So OP I would really start doing things you enjoy now because once you retire there is no guarantee you will have the health and energy to enjoy life anyway...

I’m worried that if DH goes first, unlikely due to good genes, I’ll be left having to fend for myself as his kids won’t and there isn’t anyone else. So I’m still squirrelling money away for a more comfortable old age.

I think it’s crucial to have money in old age . You are at home more so will need the heating on all the time in winter , good quality food and things that young people never consider eg chiropodist because you can’t reach your feet , money for gardeners , cleaners , care in fact anything you don’t havd physical or mental capacity to do yourself . Don’t rely on others to meet your needs , be self sufficient. Compound interest is amazing , a small monthly sum invested over years can bring a tidy sum . Putting that aside for elderly care doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy holidays etc now . Unless you definitely plan to check out young which most of us don’t then provide for yourself because as someone who’s just retired it will be miserable without money .

I think there’s a middle ground. I’m 46 no kids. We currently trying to pay off the mortgage early. I save monthly. I pay into an NHS pension. That’s it. Once the mortgage is gone savings can increase but i alsowant to travel more while can but work hours may eventually decrease as i age.

Life is short and i don’t want to wait till i retire in twenty years. My mum died well before the current age for state pension and my dads health declined early 60s. So we go on the holidays( euro city breaks and u.k.) meals out, days out, gigs etc but within our means. I don’t need ‘stuff’ or expensive clothes or bags. I earn 30k i don’t have that kind of cash.

Currently saving for a big long haul trip for our 50th.

If I don’t make it to old age though at least there is money for DH and the DC for security/ to start their lives.

But there is no greater care for your children than not becoming a burden on them in old age when they are parents of teenagers and in stressful jobs.

OP there needs to be some balance. The one thing I spend on is holidays - while I can still take the DC with me.

It’s hard to say when you haven’t given any figures but like everyone says, there has to be a balance.

As you and one or two people have said, some of us aren’t going to get to an old age. It’s one of the grim realities of life. The vast majority will but some won’t. World events of the last six years have also made me realise how shirt life is, regardless of the number we get to. Increasingly I think, will I always regret it if I don’t do x? Especially as I’m now 50. It’s a hugely comforting thing having savings but I don’t want to regret what I haven’t done (already have some regrets). I’m going on a bucket list holiday in November, long haul which is costing £2K, saving like crazy to do it, but a house in January and keep some money back as a buffer (on one average income).

I’m not interested in saving for care - half the time people are in the same care homes as state funders.

I’m a pretty low earner and have always been careful with money but with the state of the world at the moment, my attitude has changed a bit and I’m spending on frivolous stuff sometimes (especially treats for my teenagers - like the occasional day out and shopping trip with a coffee shop visit, nothing extravagant!). If we’re at war in future years or something similarly dreadful happens then I’ll be glad we’ve enjoyed ourselves a bit now. I do have enough saved to help them through university if that’s what they want to do. Not much in the way of pension though - if I survive that long then I’ll either have to carry on working part-time or live in a caravan, unless my parents’ own savings don’t all disappear on care. Feeling very much ‘sod it’ about it though tbh. I also have friends who have died young, suddenly, in recent years which has certainly made me re-evaluate my priorities (spending time with my kids and giving them the happiest life I can).

I’ve been nursing 37 years, it doesn’t scare me. I have a DB pension plus full state pension so worse case will manage. I’d rather struggle in my 80’s having lived a full, well travelled and enjoyable life with my children well taken care of than when elderly sit on a pot of money and hand it over to a care giving facility. State care will do. My MIL led a frugal life, and is now not only paying her care fees (fair enough) but half of those of Bob in the room next door for the same care. Happy to be Bob tbh.

The people who say “F it, life is for living now”, often then have the example of an early death in the family. Statistically this still happens far less than people living into old age - we still have an aging population. people are still living longer.

Indeed. For my sins I work with a lot of actuaries. This means I am well aware that - for all the anecdotes of people scrimping for retirement then dropping dead at 50 - the facts are that life expectancy for a UK female aged 45 now is early-mid 80s. More if you're a professional and generally look after yourself. And you'd be considerably more likely to die after 90 than before 60. So unless you have a family history that suggests otherwise, that should be your base assumption. What that means the OP should actually do still depends on all sorts of other considerations though, including whether she'd actually enjoy splurging or would still feel a bit guilty. Impossible for anybody else to say really.

As others have said, you have to find a balance. I would be stressed and miserable if I felt that I might not be able to help my DCs with their uni costs or save for my own retirement, so I am careful with money, but not to the extent of not being able to do anything I enjoy.

I think it’s a balance, isn’t it. I’m a millennial so I know there won’t be a state pension by the time I retire, so I’m putting as much as I can into paying the mortgage down early and pensions/ investing. I’ve also deliberately stayed in public sector roles to benefit from a DB pension even though it comes at a lower salary level.

That said, I had an awful lot of work done in the house last year and am saving to go to New Zealand next, so I definitely would argue for a balance. My dad died at 54 so I’ve worked hard to find more balance since, even though my natural instinct is more like yours OP.

I wish I had splashed out a bit earlier on rather than listening to DH who was over cautious. Perhaps nice holidays in the sun, a more reliable car when the children were younger.
I am now trying to give the cash away to DC's sooner than later to cut the IHT my our children would have to find (DH not happy - he thinks having money wouldn't make them happy plus keeping it for care home fees). I get a secret joy of treating myself to a glass of wine etc if I go out for a day sod the thermos of tea

Why do you feel guilty for not saving every penny you possibly can OP? Maybe you need to look at that. My mum is the same and it hasn't made for a very fun or enjoyable life IMO. Middle ground is always best I think.

I’d rather chance dire care and have my children benefit from my money.

It’s getting the balance right, my son’s ex GF parents didn’t assist her through University at all. DH and I did have students who were not supported financially they were in the minority but they did exist.

DS did us a favour by doing a Degree apprenticeship, no debt and was paid throughout. So zero contribution from us required. @Bikenutz the apprenticeship is brilliant isn’t it, when DS graduated last year he had a permanent job already.

It also depends what you like doing and buying. That’s just very personal.

My lifelong hobbies of hiking, gaming and reading are cheap. They are also DH 3 main hobbies.

Save as much as you can but don’t forget to live. Make sure you are getting best return on your savings. You haven’t put your age, we risked a fair amount investing till we hit 50, it made us a very good nest egg but that’s personality dependant on how risk averse you are.

There is one money thing I do that is not regular in the UK and that’s ask for discounts and haggle. I’m good at it as well. DH is always cringing slightly in the background as did my ex. My 50% Chinese heritage kicks in :).