AIBU to feel hurt I’m excluded from partner’s friend group?

Well it’s kudos from his mates or kudos from you. Which does he value more?

of course he could have both if he simply says to the groom (or both) words along the lines of “mate I’d do it but I can’t exclude Oldknowe, its not the way our relationship works and I don’t feel comfortable knowing she’s been deliberately excluded. It’s your wedding and entirely your choice but I’m afraid we come as a pair to things like that.”

Although personally I’d not want to attend now and I’d want him to decline in support.

He lets them down or he lets you down. He needs to support you.

I would be saying to him that you are extremely upset by it and will feel unsupported if he goes without you. If he chooses to go anyway then he has his priorities very wrong

Then he doesn’t have your back. If she was offended by you wearing an adult human female top or similar and you are being excluded on that basis then your partner definitely does not prioritise you. He should be pulling out of the favour.

Then it's time to start changing things. Figure something to do, then do it whilst he watches the DC! Doesn't matter right now if it's birdwatching, a knitting circle, Formula 1 racing, running marathons, or solo cinema. The point is that you get out and he stays in. You can figure out your 'forever' hobby or find a 'gang' of your own later.

Once he has had to step up and sees what it's like to be 'stuck at home' with the DC whilst his wife is out having a good time, maybe he'll start being more considerate and inclusive.

@ClaredeBear, It was a bit long but the gist was just what I'd think.

I think it’s the style. It’s written like a fantasy.

I can't believe your naivety.

This is awful I canr believe anyone wrote that shite with a straight face.

But surely you could have went out too? Made your own friends> had equal time, are you saying he refused to allow this? Did you ever make an effort with these people, invite them round, invite them out to things?

I often find people who complain they aren’t invited places also never invite people or make an effort.

But that’s a very different thing to thr wedding. I don’t agree with some of these answers and feel they are appalling.

he has friends, it is unknown why you don’t, did you chose not to, or did he force it. I don’t beleive if someone doesn’t make an effort to get involved, to invite people they can complain if they get the same treatment back and I find it appalling people are saying that as you didn’t make the effort, and as you want to go to the wedding, he should now refuse to go and cause damage to his friendships. And even charge them for the equipment. If the genders were reversed no one would suggest this.

if he has forced you to stay home and not have a social life, then the wedding is the least of your issues. And is not the grooms fault. If it was your choice, then I’m afraid you’ve only yourself to blame. You need to make an effort, like he has.

@Oldknowe It’s not too late to make yourself an exciting life. Do you have friendships of your own, or is there a hobby you might be interested joining a group for?
Even if you just go out for a meal on your own, or wander around a nice park or shops for a few hours on your own, start getting out of the house and making time for yourself, leaving the kids with him. Let him see how it feels being on the other side, but more importantly do this for your own mental wellbeing

Are you financially dependent on him?

there’s no way i’d be happy with this situation OP. i thibk hes trying to shag that new lassie.

i think you'll find that he accidentally-on-purpose stays the night because he conveniently partook of the free bar and couldnt drive home. And guess whose room he will be staying in.

i think i’d be rifling through his phone now when he’s not looking to get to the truth. i think youll find a private whatsapp with just him and her on it. probably hidden and locked right enough. search carefully.

and once youre in there get bank account details etc for getting your ducks in a row to make sure you dont get shafted so missy can get a nice holiday with Mr-My-Wife-Doesnt-Understand-Me.

Are you pals with any other wives. I’d be speaking to them too. Maybe all the guys are hoping for a bit is action or maybe it’s just DH.

Id either be going mental at him to try and get him to fess up, or id just just turn up at the wedding later on at like 11pm when everyone’s drunk and nobody cares so he can “have few free drinks and i can drive us home” or incognito to catch him and missy sucking the face off each other…

If DP really loves doing sound & vision and doesn't get that many party opportunities, I can understand him being a total pushover for CFs wanting free service. That's one thing.

The other, more important thing is that he's happily gone along with your being kicked out of a large friend group and has at best disregarded a fairly heavy, public demonstration of interest from a female in the group. At worst, her post was genuine and they're an item in the context of the group ... which would explain your exclusion.

I think you need to take up your refreshed membership - and take a count, to see whether you have in fact been included in a secondary group rather than the main one. I'll also suggest it's past time to get chatting with some of the other wives, see if they feel the group's gone weird and what they know about this supposedly loose cannon of a demonstrative woman.

I'm sorry you are being treated so rudely. There's still time to get on top of this.

you're in a watsapp group with 400 people? Just friends?

I wouldn't be too bothered about the whatsapp group, loads of times I have seen groups grow so big that the original core group just go off and start another one without all the 'hangers on'. Then of course that one starts getting extra people and the cycle happens again. I am in a group with > 400 people but only 20 or so are active in doing stuff so we started a new group of those 20.... who then starting adding others and within a few months it was back to 100+ with only 20 being active again.....

Start standing up for yourself now, it's not too late. Tell him it is a deal breaker. If he has any respect for you he will accept that he can't go ahead with this without you.

He shouldn’t want to be where you’re not welcome. He needs to tell his ‘friends’ that if they are going to treat you like that he’s not going or lending anything as a ‘gift’ - he’s either their friend of he isn’t, and if he is then they should show more respect for him.

You aren’t entitled, nor is it wrong for you to feel hurt by all of this.

On the subject of the other woman, I’d be making it crystal clear that he needs to stay away from her - she’s already disrespected your relationship, and if she thinks that behaviour is ‘banter’ then she’s not the kind of person he should be around if he’s too soft to put her straight.
Sadly, I do agree that there seems to be more to this where she’s concerned. But I hope not

He shouldn't go if you are not welcome. That is awful, he should stand by you on this.

Meh I think it’s fine, she’s not friends with them so she’s not entitled as she’s his partner. She needs to make the effort to be friends with them, joining them, inviting them round etc, then it would be horrifying, but yiu can’t do nothing but ask to be in a what’s app group your partner has with his mates and then expect to go to their weddings.

Your DH should be refusing to go btw.