AIBU to feel hurt I’m excluded from partner’s friend group?

Seconded. People are entitled to think a woman is not an adult human female - though this would be slightly odd on a site mainly peopled by women who've given birth - but I don't know what they imagine the wearer would do at a wedding reception. She won't be wearing a t-shirt at the event, will she, and not a single one of us has ever charged around a social gathering telling trans guests they don't exist or yelling 'Show us yer dick' at them!

Anyway, OP, I hope you are doing a little detective work. You are not being treated well and you deserve to know what's up.

Ignore the anti feminists. Your T shirt was biologically accurate. You're not transphobic simply by virtue of believing that people can’t change sex.

You have children and are his partner. In your shoes I would expect respect and transparency. Not including you in the chats is strange. He should let others organise the wedding and focus on what is important- his life and his partner - you… being photographed with another woman who is messaging things that build up his ego, while you are home snd not included is oh so flaky. So many red flags. You d serve better than this.

I agree with the majority, I'd double check your OH isnt and hasnt been involved with Instagram woman.
As far as I can see there is NOT any reason why you were not added to the new group formation when other female partners were.
And the fact your partner hasnt had your back through it all is even more questionable. Very odd.

Reading the story I am gobsmacked that he is considering doing it, and given that he is supporting these people, and carrying on with a group which excludes you, I struggle to understand why you want him in your family. I realise that this is a much more extreme stance than you are taking, so I reviewed my thoughts before posting, but I really can't see what I am missing.

No, you are absolutely not being unreasonable! I cannot imagine inviting someone who is part of a couple and not inviting their partner as well. It's just rude, and the fact that your partner is making a significant contribution to the wedding is doubly rude & selfish!

He is lying. He is cheating. The whole t-shirt thing is just to distract.

You wrote women's rights t-shirt like you wore something about taking down the patriarchy. But you didn't, you wore a t-shirt targeting the trans community. It's therefore not surprising that your husbands friends have chosen to distance themselves and you aren't invited to a wedding, I wouldn't have invited you either. I would chose to protect the ones I love and maybe that's what's happened here. You're not unreasonable for feeling hurt but you would be unreasonable if you don't accept that your beliefs have caused upset and hurt to others.

He will probably be 'invited' to arrive at 7pm and set up his equipment in the ballroom while the others are having dinner.

I would respond to the Instagram post now using the words a PP suggested ("You do know he's married, right?", or words to that effect) and see what the response is from her/husband/friends.
It doesn't matter if it's an older post. Revive it!

Hes cheating. Read the room. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news

OP shouldn't have to be a plus-one, the invitation should be to her partner and her (both names on the invite).

If I'm with someone then I would respectfully say no to the invitation if my partner is excluded. It's not like it's a fishing trip is it? How long is it before the wedding? She could always start going out dressed up to the nines to see what his reaction would be. IMO he's got no respect for the relationship or his partner

Hear hear. Glad someone else thinks like this.

I'm getting married this year. I have several dear trans friends who are coming. If I learned that a friend's wife who I didn't know that well was a transphobe then I don't give a hoot about etiquette, she wouldn't be coming. If I learned a friend's partner was a racist or homophobe then they would also not be invited.

I wouldn't ask him for any special favours though.

Oops sorry wrong thread 🙊

So, you were wearing a TERF t-shirt, and the bride thinks you're a bigot? If it's any help, I wouldn't invite a transphobe to any of my events either, to protect my family. Their wellbeing is much more important than some rando. Neither would I be borrowing equipment from your partner though 🤷🏼‍♀️

He should tell them to ram it!

He got a verbal Invite after all his friends did as they went his help

So he'd rather be a hero to his mates and go, than a hero to you for supporting you and, by extension, women's rights and decline to participate.

As far as attending, I guess I'm the sort that feels I don't want to go where I'm truly not wanted. Especially if it's to 'celebrate' someone who thinks I'm a bigot. Your DH will have to make his own decision on attending, but I admit I'd be hurt if he decided to attend given the circumstances. I wouldn't make a huge fuss and I'd wave him off 'pleasantly', but I would let him know without undue emotion that I was disappointed in him.

The larger issue to me is why does this one woman's opinion apparently get to dictate to the rest of the group who is welcome on nights out and who isn't?

Years ago (in the '80s so before electronic tech) my estranged DH had a friendship group I wasn't really part of but that was because it was 'centred' around a sport and the group, including the wives, was too 'hard drinking' for my taste. It was just accepted that 'Across isn't into that'. I was invited now and again to things most of which I declined with no hard feelings. There was nothing wrong with them not considering me 'part of the group'. But to specifically exclude me would have been inconsiderate to my DH.

She is apparently still a bit frosty to him, he got a verbal invitation a month after all the others.

Never mind kudos, what about his self respect? Sounds like he was not going to be invited himself until they realised they wanted a big freebie favour from him.

The bride to be likely only gave him an invite for the freebie he’s providing, he should be telling her to fuck off.

@Oldknowe do you think she might think you have the ump because you didn’t collect the thing for your son? The t shirt may have been a problem at the time but since you then met up over Christmas maybe things were back on track - but perhaps she is offended you didn’t pick it up. Not condoning her behaviour - sounds like she needs to get over herself. Either way, while your partner had your back and stuck up for you (as far as you know) he really ought to be saying ‘actually if she’s the only excluded one then I’m not coming’.

Perfect 😊

This 🙌