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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt I’m excluded from partner’s friend group?

437 replies

Oldknowe · 12/03/2026 23:46

So I had thought I got on ok with my partner's friends... I don't go out very often as I have the kids, but I am in their pub group chat.

I noticed it had been pretty quiet on the normally busy chat and mentioned it to my partner.

He said they had set up a new 'blokes only' chat, I wouldn't be able to join... oh well...

The thing is a month later I've found it's not; female partners of some of the others have been added, plus a newly single flirty woman.

(This woman has previously posted a picture of herself and my partner with a caption like "she thinks she's dreaming but knows when she wakes it will still be true that she's found love!" on Instagram.)

Ok so I'm pissed off, it feels awful to be excluded but what can I do.

But now a friend is getting married, there's going to be "an amazing evening reception, with 500 people attending" - all of the friend group are involved, my partner is helping with the set-up of part of it using equipment from our house.

I've just found out I'm not invited.

I feel really bad inside. Desperately low.
What is wrong with me?

OP posts:
NoCommentingFromNowOn · 18/03/2026 21:18

EstoyRobandoSuCasa · 18/03/2026 21:17

If this was my partner and he still went on to help at the wedding after the bride’s threat to me, then I would seriously be considering ending the relationship.

Edited

Me too, OP he has heard all this aggression and hatred towards you and is having a lovely time choosing a nice pile of records to ensure she has a lovely wedding 😵‍💫.

EstoyRobandoSuCasa · 18/03/2026 21:17

If this was my partner and he still went on to help at the wedding after the bride’s threat to me, then I would seriously be considering ending the relationship.

Original poster
Oldknowe · 18/03/2026 21:07

Well I've been speaking to my partner some more...
He says bridezilla told him that if she ever sees me wearing the T-shirt again in the street she's going to punch me in the face!
I'm horrified, this has gone way out of the realm of anything I'd imagined, over a T-shirt and not agreeing. I'm horrified he hasn't told me.
I'm so, so glad I didn't take my son to her house after Christmas. I cannot understand why she spoke to me then at all, or invited me over?!
My partner and I have the same views yet he's treated well by her and I'm threatened and excluded!

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 18/03/2026 11:55

Oldknowe · 16/03/2026 18:14

I too take the view of live and let live and do what you want as long as it isn't hurting anyone else.
Living by that means I have been labelled a Terf.
Women, children and LGBs are being hurt.
I don't wear T-shirts, especially not with slogans, unless I'm going to a Women's rally like Let Women Speak.

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Is t it odd how the definition of woman triggers so many people. Almost like they know the reality!

stomachamelon · 17/03/2026 22:31

@NeelyOHaravery odd and some of us are none of those things so quite stereotypical.

AlbieJiggered · 17/03/2026 19:21

Lackinginspecialskills · 17/03/2026 17:18

No, it really doesn't!

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I'll be jiggered if it doesn't.

gannett · 17/03/2026 17:56

NeelyOHara · 17/03/2026 07:25

Why did you stay, out of interest? Seems odd to hang about chatting with middle class, radicalised mothers whom you hold in such contempt.

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Suckered into the all-round batshitness of AIBU. Also heartened that while the transphobia is very loud and depressing, plenty of MNers are also obviously completely sick of it.

GarlicFound · 17/03/2026 17:33

NeelyOHara · 17/03/2026 07:25

Why did you stay, out of interest? Seems odd to hang about chatting with middle class, radicalised mothers whom you hold in such contempt.

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I think you mean @gannett

Lackinginspecialskills · 17/03/2026 17:18

AlbieJiggered · 16/03/2026 09:27

It does.

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No, it really doesn't!

ducksinarow2020 · 17/03/2026 12:42

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
Oldknowe · 17/03/2026 10:02

Thank you everyone. I've been really struggling with this and am feeling very low.
I woke up this morning with the realisation that I'm the partner, I'm not a bloody 'plus one' anyway, even calling me that is an insult! Thank you to the poster early on the thread who pointed this out, it's taken a bit of time to register.

OP posts:
Manonhere · 17/03/2026 09:47

I would like to add something from a man's point of view. I would not even consider going to a big event like this if my wife wasn't invited. As for somebody calling her a bigot because she believes a woman can't have a penis then I would have told them to get stuffed and find someone else to do your disco! My wife comes FIRST, end of! My friends are just My friends, if I had to choose then it would be easy... I'd prefer to stay in every night with her than lose her.
On another note, if a woman unknown to my wife wanted to pose fir a picture with me kissing my cheek the answer would be 'no thanks'
OP you deserve more respect from your husband

ducksinarow2020 · 17/03/2026 08:36

This reply has been deleted

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NeelyOHara · 17/03/2026 07:25

GarlicFound · 16/03/2026 08:02

that's actually what led me to MN in the first place, I wanted to see for myself how middle-class British mothers became radicalised. It's been eye-opening

You'll love this book, then @gannett 🙂

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Politicization-Mumsnet-SocietyNow-Sarah-Pedersen/dp/1839094710

Why did you stay, out of interest? Seems odd to hang about chatting with middle class, radicalised mothers whom you hold in such contempt.

Original poster
Oldknowe · 16/03/2026 18:14

RampantIvy · 16/03/2026 15:38

Finally, thank you.

So some people find this T-shirt offensive?

I just take the view of live and let live. People can identify with whatever they want to be as long as it isn't hurting anyone else.

And, no. I wouldn't wear that T-shirt. I don't wear T-shirts with slogans on.

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I too take the view of live and let live and do what you want as long as it isn't hurting anyone else.
Living by that means I have been labelled a Terf.
Women, children and LGBs are being hurt.
I don't wear T-shirts, especially not with slogans, unless I'm going to a Women's rally like Let Women Speak.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 16/03/2026 15:38

nomas · 16/03/2026 10:29

From what OP says, it sounds like it was one like this.

Crazy that women stating a biological fact are being accused of being bigots and proclaiming hatred.

Edited
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Finally, thank you.

So some people find this T-shirt offensive?

I just take the view of live and let live. People can identify with whatever they want to be as long as it isn't hurting anyone else.

And, no. I wouldn't wear that T-shirt. I don't wear T-shirts with slogans on.

DungareesTrombonesDinos · 16/03/2026 13:24

Just to remind everyone that TERF is classed as a slur: See disgusting comments directed at women using the acronym TERF here

Sounds to me like you've dodged a bullet there @Oldknowe You've inspired me to get a FWS badge 🥰 No way in hell would my husband be providing something for the wedding when they excluded me. They should pay for it themselves!

SarzWix · 16/03/2026 13:11

nomas · 16/03/2026 10:14

But yet fine to use them for free DJ services?

Hypocrisy at its finest.

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No. I already said that's out of order. Unless the husband has made clear he doesn't share those views and would like to be there anyway. In which case there's a problem with their relationship, not the lack of invitation for the OP.

begonefoulclutter · 16/03/2026 13:02

gannett · 16/03/2026 09:58

There isn't a single scenario on MN that doesn't lead to someone posting "I really don't want to say this, but have you thought that maybe his head has been turned or there's another woman?"

It's the old "if you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail" thing.

It's pretty obvious from the OP's updates that her TERFdom is the key factor here.

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Yes, but this time there's a nail shouting: "Coo-ee, come over here, hit me with it!

nomas · 16/03/2026 10:29

RampantIvy · 15/03/2026 22:18

I have used the See All function and cannot see anywhere in the OP's posts that it was a TERF T-shirt. Where is this post of the OP's that says it is? Has it been deleted?

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From what OP says, it sounds like it was one like this.

Crazy that women stating a biological fact are being accused of being bigots and proclaiming hatred.

AIBU to feel hurt I’m excluded from partner’s friend group?
Original poster
Oldknowe · 16/03/2026 10:28

JH0404 · 16/03/2026 09:14

It sounds like he could be having an affair with this new woman and the friend group are encouraging it. It’s very weird to exclude you, they could have created the new group for this purpose. Very very strange that he’s going to a wedding you are not invited to let alone helping out with it. OP you need to start moving in the shadows, find out what’s going on and protect your future, possibly seek legal advice before he knows you are on to him. Good luck

I suppose it is possible and I did consider connections like that when we found out I wasn't invited. Before I learnt of the Terf T-shirt stuff.
At the moment I think the incidents are unconnected. There are at least three other wives who are not in the chat and don't regularly go out with the group, one has never met the group at all as their children are much younger.

OP posts:
mygardenhasfairies · 16/03/2026 10:20

SoMuchBadAdvice · 16/03/2026 10:19

Is it possible that OW is Trans?

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You could be on to something there.....🤔

SoMuchBadAdvice · 16/03/2026 10:19

JH0404 · 16/03/2026 09:14

It sounds like he could be having an affair with this new woman and the friend group are encouraging it. It’s very weird to exclude you, they could have created the new group for this purpose. Very very strange that he’s going to a wedding you are not invited to let alone helping out with it. OP you need to start moving in the shadows, find out what’s going on and protect your future, possibly seek legal advice before he knows you are on to him. Good luck

Is it possible that OW is Trans?

nomas · 16/03/2026 10:14

SarzWix · 15/03/2026 20:55

Really, this is irrelevant. The t-shirt is marketed to 'gender critical' women, and worn by them. Anyone who supports trans friends or family will know that. And yeah, if an acquaintance of mine wore it, they wouldn't be invited to socialise with people who they deem to not exist.

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But yet fine to use them for free DJ services?

Hypocrisy at its finest.

DialSquare · 16/03/2026 10:09

gannett · 16/03/2026 09:01

I'm not getting into a bunfight about unhinged TERF projections.

Again, regardless of your opinions on trans people, what we are discussing is primarily an etiquette question.

If I have dear trans friends coming to my wedding, it is not rude, impolite or a breach of etiquette to uninvite (or not invite in the first place) someone I barely know who might offend or even abuse them.

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Course you’re not. People without a coherent argument never do. They just pretend it’s all about being Trans rather than bring male that’s the problem as they know most people agree with our position. Throwing out phobic accusations is all you’ve got.

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