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Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt I’m excluded from partner’s friend group?

437 replies

Oldknowe · 12/03/2026 23:46

So I had thought I got on ok with my partner's friends... I don't go out very often as I have the kids, but I am in their pub group chat.

I noticed it had been pretty quiet on the normally busy chat and mentioned it to my partner.

He said they had set up a new 'blokes only' chat, I wouldn't be able to join... oh well...

The thing is a month later I've found it's not; female partners of some of the others have been added, plus a newly single flirty woman.

(This woman has previously posted a picture of herself and my partner with a caption like "she thinks she's dreaming but knows when she wakes it will still be true that she's found love!" on Instagram.)

Ok so I'm pissed off, it feels awful to be excluded but what can I do.

But now a friend is getting married, there's going to be "an amazing evening reception, with 500 people attending" - all of the friend group are involved, my partner is helping with the set-up of part of it using equipment from our house.

I've just found out I'm not invited.

I feel really bad inside. Desperately low.
What is wrong with me?

OP posts:
TwoBagsOfCompost · 13/03/2026 03:59

Oldknowe · 13/03/2026 00:40

My partner messaged to ask them if we could bring our teen son to the reception. The response was "no plus one and no children". I don't think he has a formal invite as yet.

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I'm sorry OP but this sounds like a lie to me. 500 guests, no plus ones, and only verbal invitation?

99bottlesofkombucha · 13/03/2026 03:58

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 13/03/2026 03:29

So you aren't doing anything to actually maintain your friendship with them, and never actually socialize with them, but expect to be invited?

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Have you ever even heard of a wedding where a good friends wife of 20 years wasn’t invited?

99bottlesofkombucha · 13/03/2026 03:57

I would say to him I just don’t know how I’m supposed to get over this if you’re helping out at this wedding, you’re basically telling them it’s fine to treat your partner of 20 years like shit.

how much of this do you think is him op? Because maybe 20 years is too long to have put up with his treating you badly and being fine with his friends treating you badly. It’s really hard to tell but he’s certainly not stood up for you over a long period of time with his ‘it’s just a blokes chat’ and ignoring that totally inappropriate message. All up it’s too much and if he goes to the wedding and the woman he hasn’t shut down goes I’d think about asking him not to come home.

PollyBell · 13/03/2026 03:36

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 13/03/2026 03:29

So you aren't doing anything to actually maintain your friendship with them, and never actually socialize with them, but expect to be invited?

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Yes why do people put it all on the other person or groups? some think they can sit back and it lands in their lap as in having a partner is an accessory and whatever comes with that is theirs

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 13/03/2026 03:29

Oldknowe · 13/03/2026 00:46

I just don't go out with them very often and I don't often drink. I don't believe there's anything I've done as far as I know.

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So you aren't doing anything to actually maintain your friendship with them, and never actually socialize with them, but expect to be invited?

echt · 13/03/2026 03:01

For context, whose are the children?

TIA1988 · 13/03/2026 02:59

I know it's going to sound crazy but I'd not stress myself id take his phone with him knowing and look through the full conversation then you'll know what's what. Clearly not just mens group , he just clearly doesn't want you in it and that begs the question why.
Work on your boundaries don't be scared to say how you actually feel about all of this , because I feel your too nice.
Also if he's allowing another woman to disrespect your marriage publicly then what's going on privately. Your guts telling you something ain't right here so listen to it.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/03/2026 02:40

B1anche · 13/03/2026 01:43

He's said nothing is or will be happening with the woman and he thinks she's a bit crazy.

How many times have we heard this on here? Every single time they are shagging the "crazy" woman.

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💯

B1anche · 13/03/2026 01:43

Oldknowe · 13/03/2026 00:14

He did say he was surprised and disappointed about the invitation and is going to ask some of the others if their partners are invited.
His help and equipment will be saving the wedding couple quite a bit of money.
He's said nothing is or will be happening with the woman and he thinks she's a bit crazy.
I asked to join the new group and eventually got an invite last week, but I haven't joined as I feel unwelcome and pissed off about it.
We've been together over 20 years!

He's said nothing is or will be happening with the woman and he thinks she's a bit crazy.

How many times have we heard this on here? Every single time they are shagging the "crazy" woman.

Ohnobackagain · 13/03/2026 01:41

Chocoholicnightmare · 13/03/2026 00:50

He needs to be straight with them and say that unless his partner of 20 years is invited, they can't borrow your equipment....

This @Oldknowe I think being ‘no plus ones’ is all well and good. But not really when they’re out for a massive money saving favour!

Also what did your partner say when, after him saying it was a blokes only new group, you found out there were other partners on there?

3luckystars · 13/03/2026 00:57

TerracottaWorrier · 13/03/2026 00:53

I mean, OP, I take no pleasure in saying this but I think this woman and your OH are having a thing. That IG post is not good at all. It's not a bit off. It's totally absolutely unacceptable. And I think it's less likely that she's crazy and more likely that he's fucking her. I'm sorry.

Agree with this. He is probably telling her that you are crazy too.

3luckystars · 13/03/2026 00:56

Are you sure he is invited? Sounds like they are just using him and he isn’t a guest either.

Also it can’t be that big and glamorous wedding if no plus ones are invited and they are borrowing equipment and labour for free.

Are you believing everything your partner is saying or have you seen this information yourself?

Daygloboo · 13/03/2026 00:54

Oldknowe · 12/03/2026 23:46

So I had thought I got on ok with my partner's friends... I don't go out very often as I have the kids, but I am in their pub group chat.

I noticed it had been pretty quiet on the normally busy chat and mentioned it to my partner.

He said they had set up a new 'blokes only' chat, I wouldn't be able to join... oh well...

The thing is a month later I've found it's not; female partners of some of the others have been added, plus a newly single flirty woman.

(This woman has previously posted a picture of herself and my partner with a caption like "she thinks she's dreaming but knows when she wakes it will still be true that she's found love!" on Instagram.)

Ok so I'm pissed off, it feels awful to be excluded but what can I do.

But now a friend is getting married, there's going to be "an amazing evening reception, with 500 people attending" - all of the friend group are involved, my partner is helping with the set-up of part of it using equipment from our house.

I've just found out I'm not invited.

I feel really bad inside. Desperately low.
What is wrong with me?

Time for your partner to find new friends

HavefunGomadLivingInTheCity · 13/03/2026 00:54

It's a dh/partner problem wtf is he doing not sticking up for you? Does he not have a backbone

TerracottaWorrier · 13/03/2026 00:53

I mean, OP, I take no pleasure in saying this but I think this woman and your OH are having a thing. That IG post is not good at all. It's not a bit off. It's totally absolutely unacceptable. And I think it's less likely that she's crazy and more likely that he's fucking her. I'm sorry.

Original poster
Oldknowe · 13/03/2026 00:52

Thanks for all your help. I'll post again in the morning x

OP posts:
Original poster
Oldknowe · 13/03/2026 00:50

Ferrissia3 · 13/03/2026 00:50

Is Instagram woman invited?

I believe so.

OP posts:
Chocoholicnightmare · 13/03/2026 00:50

He needs to be straight with them and say that unless his partner of 20 years is invited, they can't borrow your equipment....

Ferrissia3 · 13/03/2026 00:50

Is Instagram woman invited?

Original poster
Oldknowe · 13/03/2026 00:47

MayaPinion · 13/03/2026 00:44

And why did your partner message them about invites when they haven’t even sent out the invitations yet?

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He's had an early verbal invitation as they want to use his sound and lighting equipment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oldknowe · 13/03/2026 00:46

MayaPinion · 13/03/2026 00:42

Is there a history of you being excluded or is this a recent thing? If it’s recent has anything happened to justify your exclusion (e.g. you got drunk and insulted the group, or upset one of them in some way?). If not, what has changed to cause it?

I just don't go out with them very often and I don't often drink. I don't believe there's anything I've done as far as I know.

OP posts:
PollyBell · 13/03/2026 00:45

Some of details dont match up what do you know compared to what do you think you know?

MayaPinion · 13/03/2026 00:44

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/03/2026 00:42

No plus ones to "an amazing evening reception, with 500 people attending"? That does not sound right.

Show quote history

And why did your partner message them about invites when they haven’t even sent out the invitations yet?

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/03/2026 00:42

Oldknowe · 13/03/2026 00:40

My partner messaged to ask them if we could bring our teen son to the reception. The response was "no plus one and no children". I don't think he has a formal invite as yet.

Show quote history

No plus ones to "an amazing evening reception, with 500 people attending"? That does not sound right.

MayaPinion · 13/03/2026 00:42

Is there a history of you being excluded or is this a recent thing? If it’s recent has anything happened to justify your exclusion (e.g. you got drunk and insulted the group, or upset one of them in some way?). If not, what has changed to cause it?

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