AIBU to feel hurt I’m excluded from partner’s friend group?

Everyone’s jumping to affair which is the norm on here, but it’s clear the groom has said no plus ones and no to the son. So it’s not the ops partner keeping her from going

op, I don’t feel your part of this group, thays the issue, it’s his friends, not yours, and you don’t join them, so even though a big group attending as you’re not a friend, I can see how I fhey reach their limit it would be a no to more. It is not personal.

as for the woman, she does sound over the top but quite frankly some women can be like this and they normally behave like that round men they don’t fancy , the ones they do, they are more discreet round,
im not saying they aren’t having an affair. But I’d really not take the post as confirmation.

I am shocked at his response to that.

Your husband would be crazy to lend his equipment when there want to treat him so poorly AND you so poorly too.

The IG post is also TOTALLY off to the point id assume/ suspect an affair and investigate

In his shoes I would not be going to that wedding (thats me personally)

He is letting his friends treat you poorly - not okay.

I say this as someone who had similar from the dhs friends.
It took him a minute but he found his backbone and he dealt with it now he see a few of the blokes 1;1, theres one couple we.socialise with and thats about it.

Not wanting to focus on the wrong thing here but...How does your partner have a teenage son (you said his son, not our son) if you've been together for 20 years?

It does all seem off. I would investigate further. 💐

Yesh op your partner is almost definitely shagging the new girl, I’m sorry to say.

Your partner is having an affair with that woman. And his friends know and are assisting.
That insta post plus the exclusion from WhatsApp and the wedding.
It's because she's on there/ is going to the wedding.
You're not included because you are in the way is my bet
Sorry if this sounds harsh and i really hope i am wrong.

500 guests and no plus ones? Thats unlikely. I’d have gone crazy at that insta post! I’m not sure you are getting the full story here.
He wouldn’t be going to that wedding, let alone doing them a massive favour by setting up and lending his equipment. They seem to want him to get together with the new, fun, drinking woman…..

This

Sorry OP but it's very likely they are having an affair, everyone knows about it and the wedding will be a lovely day for the pair of them.

Even the most devoted of partners can change the narrative of their life and/or compartmentalise different parts of their life when their head has been turned. One possibility is that your partner's head has been turned and to justify his behaviour he will be telling others lies about you. About you being a nag, for instance, or controlling. That could be the reason why the friends are not inviting you. He obviously lied about the 'blokes only' chat.

He's not expecting you to question any of these strange events. When you do, be prepared for some resistance. If I'm right, and he's been compartmentalising, then anything which threatens it will be psychologically jarring for him and he will go on the defensive.

@Oldknowe, none of this adds up. I believe you’re being marginalized and lied to by your Partner. He is likely involved with this newly single OW and is sidelining you to keep you in your lane. I’d be investigating his phone (out of his presence) to get to the truth.

He lied to you about the new group being strictly for men. I don’t believe that you aren’t invited to the 500-strong wedding reception. Not only is P doing the couple a huge favor by providing the integral equipment, but you have always been a part of the previous group chat and are known to the bride and groom.

As for the OW, publicly posting the ‘couple photo’ and true love caption was brazen and beyond inappropriate. She clearly felt confident that P would be okay with that. His telling you that ‘She’s crazy’ is part of the Script.

I think P is engineering all this subterfuge because he is at it with OW and wants to be with her at the wedding. I hope you can get to the bottom of this, @Oldknowe.

Kind of isn't the point though is it.
They have been a couple for two decades and she hasn't even been invited. That's bang out of order in my books its normal for couples to be invited to things together unless theyve not been together long at all.
After the initial invitation it is up to the individual if they want to go or not.

I would be fuming about this! Especially that instagram post wtf.
sorry but if they are going to blatantly exclude you like that for no apparent reason your partner should be taking your side not helping them more.
what a bunch of arseholes.

What has your partner said about the instagram post?

If my husband was invited to a wedding without me I would say to him hope you have a great time and do something myself, why do partners need to be joined at the him and if not beinginvited to a wedding devstates and makes you obessed this much about someone elses wedding I would have to suggest you have a good look at yourself and work on whatever issues you have, if this is genuinley normal to be this upset over w eddung then god help society we have bigger problems than we realise

and he is a grown up if he doesnt want women flirting with him he tell them to stop. but being needy wont stop anything

Having separate social time and different friend groups is normal, healthy even. I can also understand if your partner wants time with his friends without you. Not being on every WhatsApp group is also fine—a partner would usually share anything important if the relationship is trusting and supportive.

Not being invited to the wedding is understandably hurtful and a bit odd, but it isn’t your day, and it sounds like your partner is being supportive.

What would concern me more and where my brain would run wild, is the idea that your partner’s friends might be encouraging a single woman to flirt with him. After those posts, did anyone actually question her about it or contact you? I’d find that post disrespectful and would want to know if it was just a drunken thing, or if your partners friends (and it seems your friends) are condoning and maybe encouraging her behaviour. With the issues all together, I’d worry I was being kept in the dark about something and I’d need extra reassurance and support from my husband about it.

Fuck that OP. Just fuck the whole thing and whole lot of them. I'd LTB personally, not even kidding.

@Oldknowe I think your partner already got his +1. Sorry OP but if I were you I would mentally prepare for the worst. I think it's him having set up a new group because all his friends know about the other woman. You need to get to his phone without him knowing to get confirmation but it's pretty clear what's happening from the outside.💐

I was going to say this as well.

Either your partner is being used or he is lying to you. Find out which one and go from there.

This sounds really odd. Your partner should be sticking up for you. Why the hell is he helping with the wedding when they don’t like him enough to respect his partner of 20 years? Or like you?!
Have you done anything to be disliked?

I wouldn't go after initially not being invited, but I agree something isn't right. Is your partner going to the whole day?
I thought you were a new GF and on your way out, not 20 years deep. DH wouldn't be going, let alone volunteering effort and equipment if I wasn't included when 500 others were. They can't all be close friends and family. Something is going on and I'll bet others partners are included if 500 people are going.

I’d be more concerned that I was invited but he wants to go with OW and I’d be going to her and telling her straight out don’t put up pictures of my partner he’s spoken for and if I find out you try it on with him you will be sorry. I’d also ask the couple have you been invited, something fishy is going on, I’m sorry to say.

I don't go out very often as I have the kids

But aren't the children yours and your partner's together (since you mentioned being together for 20 years and the teenager who's not invited to the wedding is both of yours)? How can he go out so much but you can't?

Then his response should have been ‘no thanks’.