AIBU to feel hurt I’m excluded from partner’s friend group?

Have you actually seen that response? If you have then probably they don’t like you / using your husband and don’t like him. Or it’s not true and he’s using that as an excuse so he can go with the OW

either way he doesn’t sound like he’s very loyal and minds you being treated unfairly by his mates and disrespected by the “crazy” woman

This!

And he needs to stop allowing the excluding behaviour

It just doesn’t sound to me as if any of the group is invited to the wedding as such — they’re just evening invites?

They've invited every single person they have ever met and not you. So either they really don't like you, or your partner doesn't.

I’d feel hurt as well and let down by my partner and it’s really shitty to be excluded from the wedding in this way. Your partner needs to be sticking up for you.

I don’t know a single person in a relationship that has lasted 2 decades who would attend a wedding without that partner.
My husband wouldn’t go, wouldn’t make a fuss, their day, invite who they like, he just wouldn’t go without me.

Something is off about the whole thing and if a woman captioned that about my husband I’d want to know what he had done to give her the sense of security in thinking it was acceptable. If genuinely nothing, which I doubt I’d believe anyway without very concrete proof, she’d be told do it once, we let it slide, any more notions about my husband publicly then Im coming for her and it won’t be pretty.

I think your partner not having your back here is so shitty. I’m not saying LTB but I am saying that this needs addressing, you deserve better than this. If things don’t improve likely you’ll get the ick anyway.

I found the casual ‘I can’t go with him because I have to look after the kids’ a very telling sentence about your partnership. Assuming they’re his kids. Do you have a ‘traditional’ partnership op - one of those ones where you have to do all the unpaid labour, and he’s in charge and does what he likes?

I’m wondering why your partner is t annoyed about the Instagram post. I’d be fuming if a man did that to me - it would be removed with an apology issued to me and my husband. It’s extremely disrespectful.

A wedding of 500 guests and there’s no plus ones?! I don't think i could muster up 50 friends and acquaintances if they didn’t bring their other halves!

This all sounds very weird if you've been together 20yrs, unless DH having an affair, do you get horribly drunk and start singing show tunes or something? I really can’t see any reason to exclude you from such a large event. And it’s weird your DH isn’t standing up for you - mine wouldnt go if i wasn’t invited.

I find it very hard to believe they are having a 500 guest wedding. That is a LOT! It will cost a fortune. And there's just no way those people are all there without their partners. None at all.

So find out what's really happening.

As for the weird single woman, i would asked wtf to her when she posted that. Drunk or not thats a very bizarre comment to post.

Bollocks are all those 500 ppl going without their other halves

my understanding is that plus ones are for those not in committed relationships who might want to bring along a random on the day - new gf/bf, a mate m. People who have been together 20 years are not a plus one

fwiw I've not been invited to weddings my DH has - but only when it's been someone who is part of his hobby group which I have no involvement in which is fine as I ti t know them at all. This is entirely different - OP has known all these ppl for ages

I'd feel mildly hurt about the lack of wedding invitation, but the Instagram post and your husband's lack of action on it would drive me insane. I think it's very, very unlikely that the woman posted that if there was nothing between them, and if she did, your husband should have immediately been in touch with her telling her to remove it and expressing his distaste for her lack of respect for you.
I mean, imagine if someone posted that about you! There's no way you'd be casual about it.
I do wonder whether they're together and pretty established as a couple in that friend group. Sorry OP.

I'd be furious with DH if a woman had done what she had done, and he still kept hanging around with her.

Seriously, why is he ever around the woman?

How do they know 500 people without that including their partners or children?

That's a lot of people! Assuming they are not inviting anyone's partners or children,and they genuinely know 500 people, then I guess they are reasonable in not wanting upwards of 1500 people there.... But it's fairly unbelievable isn't it?

He doesn’t respect women and he doesn’t respect you. “Crazy” woman (calling women crazy, very classy) and he are close and he’s hurting her too. Get rid

Your partner needs to not lend them the equipment.

I think it’s your dp who is at fault here.
He lied to you about the chat group. If he can lie to you then he absolutely can lie to the woman who posted the image of them as a couple. He will also be lying to the bride and groom. Probably telling them that you are unsociable and don’t want to go to their wedding.
I do not believe that a couple who have asked to borrow equipment saving them £££ having a reception for 500 people, would refuse to invite the partner of 20 years. Think about it. The cost of inviting you versus the cost of them having to pay to hire the equipment.
If your partner cared at all about you, he would not be lending them the equipment.
Look through his phone, read the messages. Prepare for the worst as I also do not believe that the woman would post like that without any grounds at all.
Either your dp is already having an affair or wishes he was.

This

No, you’re not being unreasonable to feel excluded! These people are adults who appear to be harbouring a secret society!
There is more to this than your OH is letting on. How can a fabulous event involving 500 people be so bloody exclusive that it doesn’t include the partner of the bloke lending his, probably valuable, sound system? That’s just fucking nuts!

Someone is stringing someone along and the OP partner is being very dodgy about socialising with this ‘friendship group’…….secret chat group my arse!!! They sound like 10 year old children!

I can see both sides - I've been with my husband 20 years and I'm not friends with his friends, think boring geek types which does not interest me. So I wouldn't be upset not being in the group. Being married to someone doesn't automatically mean you also need to be friends or part of the friend group.

But I know that if they ever got married, I’d be invited. And if I wasn’t, my husband simply wouldn’t go. It’s a respect thing—his friends respect him, and he respects you.

I think wait until the invitations go out and then ask the other partners if they’re invited.

If they are, then DH needs to take a stand and not attend the wedding and not lend the equipment.

If DH does attend, then he is fine with you being excluded and is happy with his friends lying to ensure you don’t attend.

Partner of 20 years? I mean, it's fine that you have separate friends but after all that time id say you're a package deal for big events.

This

I don’t agree with this at all, he is not letting them treat her poorly, thays a ridiculous thought, they are not her friends and she doesn’t join them, she is not entitled to go to their wedding simply as he is going, yes it would be lovely if she was invited, but she is not part of the friendship group, it’s his friends, and clearly fhey have a lot of people going, and have hit upon a max number, and that’s ok, it’s not personal

it’s awful fo suggest he should leverage helping his friend as a way to shoe horn her in and get her an invite or refuse to go.

because she is not one of the friends, she simply isn’t. And she’s not entitled to an invite,

Agree with this completely.