AIBU to feel hurt I’m excluded from partner’s friend group?

What did I just read???? From the basis of your post, there's nothing wrong with you. Nobody in their right mind would put up with this. I thought from your post title that you wanted to join your partner's mates' chat group - which would have been unreasonable - but it's much, much bigger than that! The Insta post of the woman saying she'd found love with your partner would be enough for me to be having one hell of a serious conversation with my husband - one that would end with me talking to a solicitor more than likely!

You've actually seen the "no plus ones and no kids" message with your own eyes? If so, I'd be wondering if your dp and the groom cooked up that message between them.

or for the Op to find a new partner......

Your partner needs to man up and charge for his sound and light equipment.
He should tell them -

Normally it would cost XX but due to us being friends all I'm charging is invitations for my family to the wedding.

If they are still mean, he should not attend and he needs to charge a fee that doesn't leave him out of pocket.

Now that your teenager is able to stay home alone, enjoy going out more with your DH to socialise.

@OneNewEagle
the photo is on insta

How did you find out that flirty woman and several female partners were part of the blokes chat?

I have attended two weddings where my partner wasn’t invited but it’s been work colleagues and they didn’t know him and it was all genuine.

This is however dodgy and I’m afraid he is having or is planning an affair.

That's why I said apparently, meaning his version is questionable.

Exactly. It’s really disrespectful

Sorry OP but I thing he is cheating on you with this woman and all the friends know about it

Is the photo in a group you are part of and can comment? If so just say something like you can carry on dreaming but I and his children wake up with him every day and love and adore him ,that sort of thing just to make it clear.

as for the wedding it sounds like your partner is being used. He should just decline the use of the equipment and say he’s not free he’s spending the weekend with his family (who weren’t invited).

it’s fine for people to have their own friends and hobbies but it’s not ok for partners to be excluded for special occasions and to be made to feel like this.

Do they treat you differently because you are partner rather than wife normally? I’ve been with my partner over 20years and we are still treated differently at times, it’s very bizarre.

Absolutely this. He is allowing it, probably requesting it. He is having an open affair with this woman, or on the brink. No way should they not invite you to this wedding. Your husband is the problem.

He is keeping you away from the woman.
Either you both go or no one goes.
If he goes alone you ltb.

He is lying through his teeth

Sorry but i think your Husband is up to no good with this woman and the rest of the group know about it.

To be honest, I wouldn't particularly see this as you are not invited. He's asking specifically about the teen. So my interpretation is its a definite no for teen as no kids and, in case you think teen doesn't count, no plus 1s either. But i would expect you to be named on the invite. That said, if your partner was in any doubt he probably should have checked then.

Regarding the other stuff, yes you are being excluded. But I'm not entirely sure its not you partner doing it. And things definitely sound dodgy with the other woman. At best he is liking the attention and doesn't want you around while she flirts. At worst, he has or is thinking about acting on it. She might be crazy. Doesn't mean he won't go there.....

Omg, responses like this shock me. It’s like people can’t function independently from their partners and will fuck their friends over to ensure they remained joined at the hip

ifs Like some parallel universe to me. And 99 times out of 100 it’s women trying to elbow their way into their male friends friendship group as they’ve none of their own,

Ffs

On the old "pub chat" group, were you an active member or not? Did you ever meet up with any of the others in smaller groups or message them separately?
It's possible that this was a situation of "his friends" that evolved into a wider circle of friends that you never crossed the threshold from partner of friend to actually being friends with the others.
I'd still expect a wedding invitation though.
Who introduced the new female friend to the group and how come she's wnagled a wedding invitation after a few months when you're excluded after 20 years?
Do you have your own separate friendship group and is your DH friends with them/their partners?

My husband would never ever go to an event such as this where I am not invited. It's utterly bizarre! The etiquette is to bring your partner. No way would I go without my husband, either. Absolutely no way would I allow them to use mt equipment, either! Your husband needs to charge them like he would any other person!

However, I wonder if he's going as a DJ and not as a guest? Still...it's utterly bizarre.

This picture situation needs to be deleted. Report it to IG and have your hubby also report it, or tell this hussy to take it down! Entirely inappropriate! She's either unhinged, or he's f*cking her. I think you need the truth and to push for it. If your husband has any decency and moral backbone he will stand up for you and what's right.

Of course you invite someone’s long-term partner of 20 years to a wedding, whether you know them or not. Never heard such BS. Whatever is going on w the OP, as a general statement that is nonsense. Maybe if someone has only just started a relationship that’s different, i know now-DH went to a friend’s wedding when we first got together but that’s different as we’d literally been going out a matter of weeks. I also invited a new boyfriend of a friend to the evening do only for the same reason- not long term.

This. Totally.

Wow so they’re just using him? So he will need to take the equipment, I’m assuming set it up, look after it for the night and then take it back down? They don’t sound like your husband’s friends either OP. It sounds like they haven’t invited you because they expect him to be working at the wedding for free.

So even though your partner is doing them a massive favour you’re not invited to the wedding. Fuck that. If I was your partner I’d be telling them he wouldn’t be doing this unless he was being paid market rate or you were formally invited. Seems very wrong if you’ve been together 20 years and have DC.

My thoughts exactly @BoredZelda

Sorry but this is absolutely horrible. So many red flags here:

You can't go out because you "have to look after the kids" but your partner can?
Your partner said there was a "blokes only" chat that you are mysteriously excluded from, but only recently?
Yet it turns out this chat strangely includes all the other blokes' female partners plus a new single woman? In other words, he lied that it was 'blokes only', yes?
The new single woman has posted a dodgy Instragram post that heavily implies she is or thinks she is in some kind of relationship with your partner?
But he says, as per "The Script" that she's just "crazy" and brushes it off?
Everyone else except you is apparently going to the large wedding of friends of your partner?
Including your partner and this woman?
And your partner is saving them thousands by providing equipment?
Yet your partner tells you they have said 'no plus-ones'? Did you see this message yourself?

The fact that you are asking if this is reasonable or not and things don't quite add up suggests to me you may have been gaslit by him for some time now into accepting as normal his treating you badly. It has the ring of an abusive man and you being the "boiling frog" to it, I'm afraid. That his friends appear to be enabling his treatment of you here says very little good about them either. It's all pretty blatant.

How awful. No you're not unreasonable to be hurt, and yes, I think you need to start getting you ducks in a row. This is not on.