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Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt I’m excluded from partner’s friend group?

437 replies

Oldknowe · 12/03/2026 23:46

So I had thought I got on ok with my partner's friends... I don't go out very often as I have the kids, but I am in their pub group chat.

I noticed it had been pretty quiet on the normally busy chat and mentioned it to my partner.

He said they had set up a new 'blokes only' chat, I wouldn't be able to join... oh well...

The thing is a month later I've found it's not; female partners of some of the others have been added, plus a newly single flirty woman.

(This woman has previously posted a picture of herself and my partner with a caption like "she thinks she's dreaming but knows when she wakes it will still be true that she's found love!" on Instagram.)

Ok so I'm pissed off, it feels awful to be excluded but what can I do.

But now a friend is getting married, there's going to be "an amazing evening reception, with 500 people attending" - all of the friend group are involved, my partner is helping with the set-up of part of it using equipment from our house.

I've just found out I'm not invited.

I feel really bad inside. Desperately low.
What is wrong with me?

OP posts:
AlbieJiggered · 13/03/2026 12:21

Thechaseison71 · 13/03/2026 12:20

Well on is a teen so op has to be in her 30s minimum

Show quote history

Not necessarily.

MyMilchick · 13/03/2026 12:21

Oldknowe · 13/03/2026 00:14

He did say he was surprised and disappointed about the invitation and is going to ask some of the others if their partners are invited.
His help and equipment will be saving the wedding couple quite a bit of money.
He's said nothing is or will be happening with the woman and he thinks she's a bit crazy.
I asked to join the new group and eventually got an invite last week, but I haven't joined as I feel unwelcome and pissed off about it.
We've been together over 20 years!

Cheeky fuckers using you DH to save themselves a fortune but won't allow him to bring his partner as a thank you

Thechaseison71 · 13/03/2026 12:20

Rhubarb24 · 13/03/2026 12:14

How old are you? How old are the kids?

Well on is a teen so op has to be in her 30s minimum

Rhubarb24 · 13/03/2026 12:14

How old are you? How old are the kids?

NeelyOHara · 13/03/2026 12:12

Am I correct to thinking that you have an invitation to the new group now, but you haven’t yet accepted?
Would it now be a good move to now accept said invite to chat group?

FiloPasty · 13/03/2026 12:02

99bottlesofkombucha · 13/03/2026 11:52

Why do you ‘await the formal invites’? I know other friend should be like hang on George is <wifes name> not invited to your wedding? But you want me to do you a favour and help out? Jog on.

and your partner should be ‘George we are all gobsmacked <wifes name> isn’t invited to your wedding. Who the fuck leaves a good friends wife of many years off their wedding invites? Nobody. If I’m not a good friend i won’t have to do you a massive favor for your wedding, I’m sure you can find some equipment /a photographer. But let me know if you can’t and want my rate card.

Show quote history

This with bells on, there’s no way my husband would let me be disrespected like this and would not be helping out or going. It’s beyond rude!

Moveoverdarlin · 13/03/2026 12:02

Does your DP know you have seen the Instagram post? What did he say? I would hit the roof and if there is nothing going on, I would assume he would too?

suburberphobe · 13/03/2026 11:53

What is wrong with me?

Naught wrong with you love.

It's the boyfriend who's the wrong un.

As I skim-read and saw the one about him and her carrying on behind your back I'd be dumping him.
You not being invited to the wedding seals the deal.

You deserve so much better! Don't doubt yourself.

99bottlesofkombucha · 13/03/2026 11:52

Oldknowe · 13/03/2026 11:09

Morning all, thank you for your replies especially those in the dead of night when I was fretting badly and unable to sleep.

This morning my partner has had a response from one of his friends who is also helping out with the reception, who has also just assumed his wife would be invited... we await the formal invites.

I'll try to answer your questions:

  • I'm not sure any of them have been invited to the actual wedding, just the reception party. A lot of them are helping out.
  • My partner was surprised by the "no plus one" as he is doing them a big favour
  • I'm not sure it means no plus ones at all
  • Yes I only know what he says about it all
  • Yes it's our teen who wanted to go and would be a help to his Dad with all the kit
  • I don't expect to be included in their group, they do occasionally go out to events together, that's fine. I think it's just in this case, because it's such a big event I feel excluded.
  • It hadn't occurred to me before that Instagram post there might be anything up at all.
  • We've had our ups and downs but been pretty happy for years.
  • I think she is a bit wild from the little I know of her. She's at least 10 years younger than the others.
  • I think it was over a year ago they first met this woman and shortly after that the post.
  • I've surprised myself at how low this has bought me. I may well be connecting a series of unfortunate events and fearing for the worst.

Why do you ‘await the formal invites’? I know other friend should be like hang on George is <wifes name> not invited to your wedding? But you want me to do you a favour and help out? Jog on.

and your partner should be ‘George we are all gobsmacked <wifes name> isn’t invited to your wedding. Who the fuck leaves a good friends wife of many years off their wedding invites? Nobody. If I’m not a good friend i won’t have to do you a massive favor for your wedding, I’m sure you can find some equipment /a photographer. But let me know if you can’t and want my rate card.

Frugalgal · 13/03/2026 11:46

Oldknowe · 12/03/2026 23:46

So I had thought I got on ok with my partner's friends... I don't go out very often as I have the kids, but I am in their pub group chat.

I noticed it had been pretty quiet on the normally busy chat and mentioned it to my partner.

He said they had set up a new 'blokes only' chat, I wouldn't be able to join... oh well...

The thing is a month later I've found it's not; female partners of some of the others have been added, plus a newly single flirty woman.

(This woman has previously posted a picture of herself and my partner with a caption like "she thinks she's dreaming but knows when she wakes it will still be true that she's found love!" on Instagram.)

Ok so I'm pissed off, it feels awful to be excluded but what can I do.

But now a friend is getting married, there's going to be "an amazing evening reception, with 500 people attending" - all of the friend group are involved, my partner is helping with the set-up of part of it using equipment from our house.

I've just found out I'm not invited.

I feel really bad inside. Desperately low.
What is wrong with me?

He's in a relationship with this other woman and hasn't had the balls or the integrity to tell you.
Not an affair, a relationship

I'm so sorry, you need to stop sitting passively letting him do this and kick him out. Get your act together and any money you can squirrel away.

Wheresthebeach · 13/03/2026 11:30

OP you seem to be passively accepting everything, and appear unconcerned about the Insta post. Really a wedding invitation is the least of your worries.

nomas · 13/03/2026 11:30

Wildgoat · 13/03/2026 11:20

Likely yes, but it will be plus ones they are friends with or family. The op is neither.

Show quote history

I really doubt the groom is friends with all the spouses and partners in a 500+ attendees wedding.

He likely has DH pigeon holed as ‘help’ and doesn’t see him worthy of having a guest.

nomas · 13/03/2026 11:28

Sounds like your DH and his friends are just being used as helpers and equipment providers.

If DH goes, I would lose a lot of respect for him and wouldn’t be going out of my way to help him
in future.

Original poster
Oldknowe · 13/03/2026 11:22

rainbowstardrops · 13/03/2026 10:09

How did you find out that flirty woman and several female partners were part of the blokes chat?

He told me. I'm suspecting other partners were also a bit miffed!

OP posts:
Wildgoat · 13/03/2026 11:21

I’d also say the wording used here, plus one, shows the op is not friends with them, it is an anonymous phrase, if they’d said Jane can’t come it would be different, but this is simply about this is his friendship group, she is not part of it, wishes to be, but sadly isn’t, and ghe groom has invited his friends.

Wildgoat · 13/03/2026 11:20

FartyAnimal · 13/03/2026 11:18

If 500 people are invited, they are definitely inviting plus ones. That is just mean x

Likely yes, but it will be plus ones they are friends with or family. The op is neither.

FartyAnimal · 13/03/2026 11:18

If 500 people are invited, they are definitely inviting plus ones. That is just mean x

Thechaseison71 · 13/03/2026 11:12

If your partner is DJing it's quite usual for them to have a roadie. So teen son.

If he's an actual guest it's different

Original poster
Oldknowe · 13/03/2026 11:09

Morning all, thank you for your replies especially those in the dead of night when I was fretting badly and unable to sleep.

This morning my partner has had a response from one of his friends who is also helping out with the reception, who has also just assumed his wife would be invited... we await the formal invites.

I'll try to answer your questions:

  • I'm not sure any of them have been invited to the actual wedding, just the reception party. A lot of them are helping out.
  • My partner was surprised by the "no plus one" as he is doing them a big favour
  • I'm not sure it means no plus ones at all
  • Yes I only know what he says about it all
  • Yes it's our teen who wanted to go and would be a help to his Dad with all the kit
  • I don't expect to be included in their group, they do occasionally go out to events together, that's fine. I think it's just in this case, because it's such a big event I feel excluded.
  • It hadn't occurred to me before that Instagram post there might be anything up at all.
  • We've had our ups and downs but been pretty happy for years.
  • I think she is a bit wild from the little I know of her. She's at least 10 years younger than the others.
  • I think it was over a year ago they first met this woman and shortly after that the post.
  • I've surprised myself at how low this has bought me. I may well be connecting a series of unfortunate events and fearing for the worst.
OP posts:
Calliopespa · 13/03/2026 11:05

Happyasapiginmuck1 · 13/03/2026 10:37

Post a reply letting her know you've seen the picture.

Show quote history

Maybe at some point, but just for now I think OP needs to be in info-gathering and plan-making mode.'

The Big Reveal always feels cathartic but you don't want to fire too soon and let him cover his tracks.

godmum56 · 13/03/2026 10:56

Thechaseison71 · 13/03/2026 10:52

Or for the OP to find her own friendship group

Show quote history

both probably

Thechaseison71 · 13/03/2026 10:52

godmum56 · 13/03/2026 10:22

or for the Op to find a new partner......

Show quote history

Or for the OP to find her own friendship group

Happyasapiginmuck1 · 13/03/2026 10:37

Oldknowe · 13/03/2026 00:25

Thanks. Yes it was an odd, I assume drunken post, from a while back. A photo of her kissing my partner on the cheek, with that caption. An unpleasant surprise for me whilst scrolling!

Post a reply letting her know you've seen the picture.

AlbieJiggered · 13/03/2026 10:37

NRTFT. He's going to the wedding with the woman as his plus one.

BillyBites · 13/03/2026 10:36

@Oldknowe What is your position here, with regard to finances, work, housing and children? I think you need to consider your options very seriously and have a back-up plan ready.
I think this looks as if it goes way beyond a WA group and wedding invitation.