AIBU to feel hurt I’m excluded from partner’s friend group?

Ps If this isn’t resolved I would cut the plugs off his equipment just before wedding. I really would!!

Nope. I wouldn't usually care, but 500 attendees and one of your friends who is doing you a favour can't bring his partner... i would put my foot down. I go or you don't...
I know I will get some heat for this, but you can't convince me that the money they are saving can't be spent on one more person... or that anyone knows 500 people they 'must' invite ahead of someone who's partner is doing them a favour.
If it walks like a duck...

I imagine if he declines to provide his equipment and labour for free he'll very rapidly turn into a proper guest with a plus 1. Teenager should be paid for his time unless he is also friendly with the couple to be.

I would join the WhatsApp group, put a profile pic on there of the two of you and don't go down without a fight.

Of course she isn't. We know where this is going unless nipped in the bud now.

I can't get my head around a friend asking for a major favour - use and set up of expensive equipment for a wedding - and then doesn't even invite the person's partner of 20 years to join them for the evening party. I think people are imagining the friend group, including the wedding party, are colluding in the OP's partner having an affair because the alternative is so breath-takingly rude.

I don't think people's partners need to be invited to everything but this is one where the OP's partner needs to say outright "sorry mate but I'd doing you a massive favour - my equipment and my time. I expect X to be able to accompany me to the party after that."

There is nothing wrong with you. I expect you are a kind, senstive person.

They are twats.

I could well be the odd one out on MN but I’d go ballistic at partner - my H would know this too, so a situation like this would never arise.
You are being treated very disrespectfully by all concerned - your partner needs to either sort you an invite or stay away…… this is a slippery slope!

So it’s possible that friends wife isn’t going either to wedding so not just you excluded

this couple don’t seem as friends

so the wats app group men are all helping at wedding but barn then sent an invite yet

why or how did single woman get added to the make group

when is the wedding ?

Agree a number of things seem off. Have you had any other concerns or gut feels about the woman who made the Instagram post?

Your partner should saying to his friends that he didn’t realise he wasn’t a good enough friend to have a full invite to the wedding, in which case the equipment is no longer available. It’s not blackmailing them into an invite - it’s not being taken for a mug. If they’re genuinely inviting 500 people, they aren’t short of money, they’re being tight.

Personally though I’d be trying to find out if his friends think the two of you have separated and he’s with the other woman now.

Everything OP is being told is coming from partner. Did you actually see that message or did he just tell you about it? When is this wedding?

If he's had an early verbal invitation because he's providing major services, why has new woman already been invited? What's she providing?

Is there anyone or a partner in the friends group that you can ask and will give it to you straight? Join that group and see what's going on. Your partner is deliberately isolating you from the friends group and you're letting that happen.

You're ⚒️ ng up the shadiness or you wouldn't be here asking. I'm sorry. Do you work?

There will be no wedding photos - they'll be on a group the OP is excluded from.

How far away is the wedding?

@Oldknowe

You say you don't go out with them much and don't really drink. Not saying you are, but it could be that they don't want to include you because they think you are 'disapproving' of them or think you're a wet blanket/killjoy? This would be something they likely wouldn't say to your DP but would explain things.

As far as the wedding, by asking about it DP has indicated to them that he wants you there. All you can do is wait to see what the invitation shows. But I suggest you discuss it w/your partner now to see what his feelings are if you are not invited, especially if other partners/spouses are.

Yes. Read any thread where the OP's friend/friend's DP/DH is cheating and the advice will mainly be to not get involved.

Do you actually get whole groups of friends complicit with this sort of thing? I know you get it in tv dramas etc, but I don’t think I’ve ever come across it in real life ( and I’m quite old! )

I thought she was part of their friendship group. That's how it seemed in the OP. And while I agree it would be churlish to refuse to help a friend, it seems really nasty to have their help but not to invite their partner who is in the friendship group.

My b-in-law said my partner of over 20 and spouse for at least 10 years at the time could attend his wedding but that I wasn't invited as they wanted to keep the numbers down! The other siblings were not married.

We all got on very well so I was gobsmacked. I can understand no plus ones for a short-term relationship but a married or long-term couple is downright rude.

I would be having a serious discussion about this with my DP. I personally think he's having an affair with the woman and his friends know. If however you trust him then he should be politely declining on the basis that you're a couple and saying that unfortunately he won't be able to provide his equipment

Your partner's friends have switched to a new chat. You're excluded, but not the new woman and other partners.

Your partner is loaning light and sound equipment and setup to a friend, saving them ££££ for a wedding of 500 but you and your son are specifically excluded and your partner, who is saving them ££££s, has not insisted that you also should be invited. He could make the equipment loan contingent on your presence. New woman is invited. She's fairly new to the friends group. But she ranks an invite where the guy who is saving them a ton of money can't get an invite for his partner. Oh, come on now.

New woman made an Instagram post with her and your partner saying she's found love. That's creepy as fuck if they're not seeing each other.

He could be being used by the friends for the equipment and setup. Or, he could be having an affair with new woman that the friends group is covering for and enabling.

This is shadier than the Bermuda Triangle.

Yeah. I assumed 35 upwards. Just wondered why someone 10 years younger single flirty woman would suddenly be part of a group of mates. And the age gap between 35 and 25 seems larger than that between 50 and 40, so I curious.

I was also wondering if the kids were old enough to be left alone so that she could keep her eye on her husband and the other woman instead.

Sometimes people are more willing to answer simpler questions though, especially if they want to know why you asked!

I am amazed at a couple who apparently know 500 single people with no significant plus ones to invite to their wedding reception. 🙄 Are they setting up a marriage bureau and planning to match people up at the reception?

Is your partner invited as a DJ @Oldknowe or are they just borrowing his lights and sounds system and getting someone else to do the DJ stuff for free.

Maybe if you casually drop into the conversation that you are a professional caterer, or florist, or hairdresser/ make up artist or have your own marquee hire company they will realise that there IS an invitation with your name on after all.

I think you need a serious conversation with your husband and to make it clear that this situation has the potential to damage your relationship long term.

You both need to understand each other's perspectives so that, if he isn't having/planning an affair with this woman, then you are both present a united front.

Don't be fobbed off by words that offer reassurance but have no substance.

He’s a cheap contractor… they’re using him. If it were a genuine invitation, you’d have been invited

My husband would be telling them to stick this and their invite up their arses if I wasn’t invited, the cheeky bastards.

It’s really for him to stand his ground and show up for you here.

”Obviously I’m not going to attend without my long/term partner/wife who isn’t just a plus one and I find it really hurtful you’d even think to exclude her when I’m doing you a huge favour by lending you equipment. Let me know if you still want to use the equipment and I’ll send over my day rate”.

Unless she had a baby before she was 18 it's quite likely though