AIBU to think my husband‘s attitude is really mean

I am one of the posters who said I wouldn't do it, because personally I don't know anything about those people or their lives. It's just not something I'd be comfortable being part of.

On the other hand, I did mention a wedding in Copenhagen I went to a few years ago and it was the norm to just ask random people from the street to witness. 10 minute job, done.

In fact, I got married at a registry office myself. We had 5 "guests", my parents were witnesses. However, we were asked by the clerical staff if we needdled witnesses. There was certainly other couples in the lobby on the day who seemed to be alone.

Depending on the vibe I would do it unless I was in a hurry or had an appointment which meant I couldn't spare the time.

By vibe I mean if it felt like there was something "off", coercion say, I would make an excuse. Otherwise I think it would be a nice thing to do.

When we went to visit the registry office before getting married we were told that we weren't allowed to have any staff from the town hall / council building as a witness and also not to rely on "pulling someone off the street" as it could mean you missing your slot if you didn't find someone.

I don't know, like being expected to go to some other venue or have a drink/meal or be in photos. I just think it's odd to have family/friends who could do it, but ask strangers instead. Different if you have no family/friends of course.

I used to work in a building that contained a register office - we did it all the time. We were usually given a box of chocolates or a bottle of wine by the happy couple. There was never anything sinister about it - some couple just don't live near their family or haven't got the money to spend on a big wedding

If I was enjoying a drink with my friend, I’d probably prefer to stay with them and not be disturbed too. It’s not mean. It’s a request, he’s entitled to say no to it. It’s not like he’s refusing to call
an ambulance for someone who needs one right in front of him.

It’s not mean not to want to disrupt your plans for the day.

For a few years it was quite common on here for people to ask if anyone was free in x town on x day to witness. I haven't seen it for a while now, but it's just one way this place is so different now.

I would help if I could but I'm rarely near a registry office if I'm not on a tight timeline for a hospital appointment.

a lot of people wouldn't go out of their way to help a stranger, so I don't think your DH is 'meaner' than most. I think it's just the way society has gone , sad but true.

I agree that this isn't it an an unusual request.
I wonder if some of the pp who think it's strange have been conditioned by the modern trend for marriages being the ultimate stage managed, multi thousand extravaganza where everything, including the witnesses have been organised to the ninth degree. Therefore they can't comprehend a situation where some people just want to get exchange vows and the witnesses are a legal formality.

Before his much larger wedding, DS had a legal ceremony where just two of us were witnesses. It was six minutes (I videoed it) from beginning to end, hardly a huge ask if you're close by.

I mean it's not very practical is it?

Say the wedding was at 1pm, they're not going to walk/drive to the nearest pub at 12.45, risk finding no-one and miss their slot.

Therefore they'll probably be asking at least an hour before the wedding and then whoever agrees, will have to hang around until it starts and walk or drive to the ceremony.

It wouldn't be mean spirited if you didn't want to take time out of your day to do that.

I think they have staff in the office to do it, they dont use people off the street anymore

He isn’t mean for having a different option to you about doing something or not. I wouldn’t do it, I’m not mean, but I just wouldn’t want to. You have to remember the responsibility here lies in the couple getting married, not the people being asked to be witnesses. If they say no it’s fair enough.

I'd do it If the registry office was very close to the pub

I would do it if I had time and felt like it, but wouldn't feel like I "have to", just to be nice.

It's not mean to refuse. If you're being interrupted in your day, it's not your responsibility how the person disrupting you feel.

They'll probably be fine finding 2 people who don't mind and want to do it for fun.

But I'm surprised it's possible, I'm pretty sure we had to provide the name of our witnesses in advance. Maybe it's council dependent, but we had to fill in a form a week or so before to agree on the ceremony structure, and it included the names of the witnesses (I think because they prepare all the documents and readings in advance).

It's just all plain strange. You need a professional to sign your passport but bladdered John from the six bells on a promise of a free kebab at closing time is good for marriage.

It's not something I would do just because I'm not interested in other people's business

There’s always extra staff the register office who will sign if they’ve booked a ceremony for just the two of them and witnesses - reality it’s a totally under whelming 3-4 mins - not remotely romantic!

I live in an area where this is a real concern.

I wouldnt either. Could be a sham wedding.

I do love the idea of it, but unfortunately I probably wouldn’t, due to the possibility of coercion.

I will say though... I went to a wedding in Copenhagen a few years back. Over there you can get married on the day, you don't need a pre-application, just fill out the form there and then and they'll give you a timeslot to come back to be married. I was attending a pre-arranged multicultural wedding.

And it was perfectly normal to ask people on the street outside the registry office to come in and witness the wedding. If you didnt bring a witness, a staff member would do it.

It's not mean-spirited to politely refuse if you have something else you're doing or you just want to relax. I don't think the OP's husband is being mean. I might agree to being a witness but I'd have to be at a really loose end, not on my way anywhere, nothing to do for a while.

Jumping straight to worst-case scenarios like coercion and forced marriages is definitely mean-spirited though.

That would really be your first thought?

Is thinking the worst possible thing about other people a habit you have in the rest of your life?

Like how You are witnessing you saw someone sign a form. That's all And why would you go to a reception,?

A family member did this a few years ago - marrying a long term partner, they'd been living together for well over a decade so no issues over coercion, they just didn't want the fuss and faff (and couldn't be arsed to go to Gretna Green either). They had no problems finding two strangers to be witnesses. I don't know how many they asked before finding their two, though.