AIBU to think my husband‘s attitude is really mean

We did this for a couple getting married in Gibraltar. It took ten minutes of our day. I did not think for one minute it was a sham marriage, just a couple getting married, hopefully for the right reasons, without the pantomime of a wedding that seems the norm now.

I don't think there's any great danger in doing it, but I don't think it's "mean" to refuse. It's a favour being asked of complete strangers, who will each already have their own plans for the day and time constraints. A stranger's time and attention is not a right, and a wedding isn't an emergency. If it were your wedding, would you want someone to feel forced to be there with you when they didn't want to be?

No. I don't. And I don't care! I just answered a "would you do this" question. I don't need to be persuaded into it because your dad did it in 1973!

I worked in a Town Hall that contained the Registry Office, & was a witness 5 or 6 times.
When I got married there - with friends & family present - the Registrar made a joke about how many times I had stood before him !

Do all the people saying visa scam know that if you want to get married in the UK and you're not British / settled, you have to get permission from the Home Office to do so? The Registrar informs the Home Office when you go and register notice of intention to marry, and the Home Office have to interview them to check it isn't a sham and issue a certificate of approval before the registrar is allowed to do the ceremony.

It's not up to the witnesses to check if it's a sham marriage, it's up to the registrar and the Home Office, and by the time witnesses are needed that's all been dealt with.

Thats why the registrar has a chat with you separately before the ceremony .Not foolproof I know but its the registrars responsibility ,not the witnesses

I don't know what the " universal " experience is Do you actually know lots of people who have been random witnesses then and roped into photos and receptions? Not something I've heard happening

By 'upend your plans' do you mean go into a building for 10 minutes?

It is pretty mean spirited not to do things for the benefit of strangers tbh. Our society relies on people being thoughtful towards strangers all the time and I'm glad for that.

Some of the 'concerns' raised on here seem rather far-fetched but also don't make any difference to the witnesses. You are just confirming that a piece of paper has been signed in front of you, not that they are really in love...

All right... but equally your dad's experience isn't the universal experience is it?

The question was would you do it and I answered it. You're being weird with me about it now 😅

Even if it was how does that affect the witnesses? You are basically saying you saw someone signing a form

This was my first thought too. How sad that we have to be so cautious about everything.

Only you are responsible for your " feelings" Doesn't mean it's reality

We did this, didn't want a big wedding because I would really struggle with speaking in front of lots of people. We already had a ceremony booked with a humanist celebrant at Avebury but needed to do the legal bit so we booked a slot at the registry office in Bath and grabbed a couple of people to witness. I do remember feeling a bit daunted and a couple of people ignored us but the third couple we asked were happy to oblige. I think we gave them a box of chocolates. We did have a party for our friends and family a couple of weeks later but it was very informal with no public speaking required!

I wouldn’t do it because I think it would be quite awkward, I went to a registry office wedding recently and they can be quite long if people want to do vows. I’m also not sure I’d have that kind of time free if I’m just walking along the street. Although may agree to it if I was in the pub (during daytime?) and therefore possibly drunk!

I would also be wondering why they couldn’t get any friends to be witnesses - are they all opposed to the marriage for some reason? Is it an impulse thing and potentially they will get divorced soon? In a movie it would be fun and romantic, but in real life it’s different

I would politely decline.

Its probably not something I would comfortably do because of the chance of unwittingly becoming embroiled in a visa scam or something.

But having said that, I remember when Liam Gallagher and Patsy Kensit got married they just grabbed a couple of people of the street to witness it. So if it was someone extremely famous then I'd do it like a shot!

That's pretty much bollocks.
I know a registrar and she has had to ask complete strangers to witness a marriage when train cancellations meant the planned witnesses to a very small wedding (couple and 2 witnesses, that's all) couldn't get there.
A witness needs to understand English and is literally just there to witness the legal bits, that's all.
I'd do it if asked, my registrar friend would do it if asked.

However, there is always the chance that the increase in sham marriages might encourage the government to change the rules e.g. the witnesses must have known at least one of the couple for x months/years etc.

My mum used to be a registrar and regularly had couples arrive to get married (city centre registry office) without witnesses because they planned to ask strangers from the street outside. There was never, ever an issue with finding willing witnesses.

I love the idea!

Why is it mean to not upend your plans for the benefit of a total stranger?

My mum was a guide at a local tourist attraction and around Christmas time nearly 50 years ago, was approached by a couple asking if she would be their witness, in a few days time. They had no family on holiday with them apart from their young daughter. Mum said yes and they asked if she knew anyone else who could be the second witness, so I was suggested. They were planning to just get wed and then go about their day, but Mum secretly made a small buffet for them and bought a Christmas cake and a couple of decorations, plus a couple of bottles of fizz.
They were so touched. I took photos and between us made their day a little bit more special.
They sent Mum a Christmas card and letter every year until she died a few years ago.

Me and my brother thought we might end up witnessing a same sex wedding when we went to register mom’s death recently. There was a bit of confusion with a couple who had come in as to whether they were getting married or booking it. We were well up for witnessing tho! Would have made a shitty appointment a lot more fun 😁

turns out we weren’t needed tho

If the pub was next door to the reg office and they bought me a pint then I probably would. As long as they didn't give off really off vibes like one or both didn't want to do it.

Ok, great! I just said that's how I would probably feel. Next time I'll say "that's how I would feel but that's not what happened to Thechaseison's dad so I won't worry" 😂

I voted Unreasonable but hadn't even considered coercion or shams which are valid concerns.

Personally, I just wouldn't be prepared to have my day interrupted by strangers for a non-emergency thats nothing to do with me. Help you look for a lost child - Yes. Witness a wedding - No.

But Dad wasn't expected to do all those things. Nor were any workmates that did it. They worked in the building next door so probably higher tendency to be asked