AIBU to think my husband‘s attitude is really mean

Would I do it if asked? Yes. Do I think he’s unreasonable to say no? No. We are having a registry office wedding next month and registrar actually suggested pulling folk off the street to witness! We declined due to worrying we wouldn’t find anyone willing on the day, not everyone likes being thrown into sudden situations and not everyone has the time!

They'd need 2 witness so you could do with your friend lol

It's not likely to be evening anyway

But if you are sitting settled with friends enjoying your evening, it's a bit much for absolute strangers to expect you to just leave to attend their wedding. If you were by yourself just being a bit sociable and having a quick drink it might be fine and a bit of fun.

You have to show paperwork before the ceremony I assume ( never had a wedding in the UK)
Irrelevant to witnesses stating they saw you physically sign the register

is it mean or is it because he lacks a sense of adventure and fun? I’d dine out on that for weeks, personally, and be delighted to be asked.

If it wasn't inconvenient and they didn't seem like absolute nuts I would, hopefully a friend would too though. Wandering off with a couple of strangers is always worth thinking about.

A witness to a signature is a totally different thing though. It's not about the act taking place it's the function of the witness.

For example witnessing a will being signed. You are confirming that the document has been signed there and then in front of you. Nothing to do with whether the contents of the will are legal or ethical or valid. The validity of the will is up to the drafter of it not the witness to the signature.

A solicitor/whoever signing a passport application is carrying out a completely different function. They are saying that they are familiar with the person applying and that the photo is a good likeness.

A witness to a marriage schedule falls into the first category. The function of preventing marriage fraud is up to the registrar/celebrant and not the witness to the signature.

110% agree. It is usually those massive show weddings that end up in divorce a year later!

So what you are trying to say is that a marriage could never be for the purpose of committing fraud unlike a passport.

Okay

I'm British as well ( well mostly)

What's that got to do with politely declining an invite?

I mean, if I was just doing nothing I might agree to it. But if I was out with friends having a drink I wouldn’t because I’ve got other stuff to do.

if i met a friend to catch up over a drink, potentially hired a babysitter to watch my kids or cancelled a gym class for it, and then my friend was like “brb i’m going off to be a witness for these strangers” I would be disappointed.

So yabu to judge how dh spends his time. your way isn’t kinder and in some ways is actually more thoughtless. it just depends on the circumstances doesn’t it?

I was a mn witness just earlier this year! It was in my city, it was asked, I think, maybe about a month beforehand and I had no other plans, so was quite happy to do it. Just a small amount of my time and it was helping them. The ceremony itself was very short, less than 15 minutes iirc, and we just had to be there about ten minutes before, so less than half an hour from arriving to leaving.

I’d never do it due to the risk of it being a sham marriage.

I wouldn't say mean. Cautious maybe. Who knows what sort of drama you/he could get dragged into.

Has no one seen the threads on here asking for witnesses? always an abundance of offers.

Because I'm British. And if I wasn't bold enough to immediate say no I will just go along with things to seem polite. I'd probably end up on a 4 week cruise because I felt like there hadn't been an opportune moment to explain that I actually should probably get to work.

I’ve done it - been a random witness at a Mumsnet wedding! It was myself and another mumsnetter. We all met for the first time that morning. If the other witness couldn’t make it in the end my partner would’ve stepped in. I don’t know about getting people off the street though, but that’s mainly because I couldn’t bear to not have it all arranged first. I’d quite happily use witnesses from here if we decided to get married like that. The one that I was at was actually lovely, they’d been together for ages and it was their choice to do it that way and you could see how happy they were.
Afterwards they even gave us thank you cards with a gift card inside, so totally unexpected and so nice of them. I liked that I did something rather small (less than half an hour of my time), but it clearly meant a lot to them that we did it.
And if you’re reading this thread, hi 👋🏻☺️

Those people have completely different responsibilities though. A passport signatory is supposed to know who you are, so people don’t receive false passports - giving the responsibility to someone whose professional qualifications could be removed for bringing their profession into disrepute by assisting fraud is a sensible precaution. A wedding witness is literally there so that there is a third party to the fact that the marriage took place, and if either spouse later tries to deny it, there was a witness to attest that it happened. (Edited for spelling)

When I was at uni I worked pt for the council in the building next door to the town hall. It was very common for the registrar to phone over and ask if we could spare two bodies to be witnesses.

Mostly it was for couples marrying alone, but a few times it was for couples who didn’t realise their witness had to understand good English (tourist town with a very popular town hall) and needed a replacement because their planned witness wasn’t suitable.

I would love to be asked and would happily do it. At the same time I don't think it's mean for someone to refuse if it seems to them to be a big imposition.

YABU but just in the sense that I don’t think it’s mean, it’s more of a to each their own, really.

I don't think it's selfish to not want to give up your time for a complete stranger, in the case of a non-emergency.

Like if a stranger requored medical help and someone wouldn't call assistance because they wanted to finish their pint in peace, that would be selfish. But not wanting to go to a registrar office and sign some forms and listen to the vows of complete strangers because you instead want to finish your pint in peace.. thats not selfish. It's just prioritising your own time.

You are, completely ridiculously, seeing your arse about nothing. Leave me alone now please

I am not trying to persuade you into anything. Just because you are so selfish you won't give up 15 minutes of your time to help anyone out doesn't mean everyone is. And I doubt id remember Dad doing it if it was 1973 ( though why that's makes any difference I don't know)