AIBU to feel there is no karma after seeing abusive ex thriving?

Hi OP, I've dated guys who have been a bit of a prick to me when young, but no physical, sexual abuse or name-calling.

Some of them are now happily married and it's possible that they were just bravado fuelled young men who've grown up but you are describing actual abuse here and it's at such an extreme level I doubt he's changed at all.

There's still time for him to get his karma.

I agree,

"facebook" should be called "fakebook" IMO, that's why I'm not on it anymore.

If you ex was abusive, trust me, he won't have changed. Abusive men don't change unless they get therapy and they are usually reluctant to do that because they can't admit they have a problem.

Be glad you're not with him any more and just feel sorry for her.

Great post.
Fully agree.
👍

Did you actually believe in karma until you saw your ex doing just fine? Really?

I too don’t believe in karma. But I do know that abusers do not change. He will still be the piece of shit he always was. They just get better at hiding it for a while. But that mask can’t stay on forever and he will show his true colours.

my very charming but secretly abusive ex told everyone when we split (I fled with our dc) that I’d run off with another man, that I’d been violent throughout our relationship and he even doubted the paternity of our dc. I kept quiet. Those who truly knew me didn’t listen.
time has a way of showing lies for what they are I feel. Because while he’s about to marry his fourth wife I’ve been with my dh for over twenty years. Says it all really doesn’t it.

block and try to put him out of your mind. You don’t deserve to have to see his ugly mug xx

Different relationships have different dynamics. I’ve seen this first hand. You don’t know if he’s abusive to her.

Oh please 🙄 The conviction rate is 1.5%. You actually think he was going to jail?! Very naive.

looks so normal and nice

Ted Bundy was by all accounts, nice looking and charismatic.

"But he seemed so nice and normal!" is the classic refrain of people who find out that they've been living next door to a serial killer for years who has a basement full of body parts.

Looking nice and normal and being nice and normal are entirely different things.

I think this demonstrates that the lives people portray on social media are not always what they seem. Abusers and sexual attackers like this man don't suddenly become ideal husbands and parents. His poor family. A luxury lifestyle won't make up for living with an abuser.

Yabu to think there is such a thing as karma. There isn’t, otherwise good people wouldn’t get cancer, children wouldn’t die young, etc etc. Life is just unfair. My abusive ex is remarried and living in the USA, married to someone fairly high profile who earns so much he never needs to work again. They have several properties and go on bucket list holidays every couple of months. I left him 20 years ago when dd was 6 months old, he has never paid what he’s supposed to and still thinks he’s the worlds most amazing dad despite barely seeing her - and wonders why she never wants to visit him. I have a good life and I’m happily married (16 years) but if karma was real my ex would be either in prison or penniless.

He’s still the twisted f**k he always was. All the material goods and wonderful SM pics do not change that.

You should be thinking - his poor wife when you see his posed photos and that’s all. Move on!

The suggested link is probably akin to the "6 degrees of Kevin Costner" idea (i.e. a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend etc), or if you still have his email address or phone number in your contacts, and have allowed the social media platform access to those.
His/her profile, house etc is probably both literally and metaphorically papering over the cracks.

Firstly, "karma" doesnt exist. What happens is that we suffer the consequences of our own actions. So, if you are a dick to all your partners they will all eventually leave you etc

Secondly, dont mistake a fancy curated social media for genuine happiness. I personally know someone in an abusive marriage who had to flee to a safe house and ended up going back to him after he punched her repeatedly in the face. Her social media is chock full of their glamorous Caribbean wedding on the beach with candles and rose petals and them gazing at each other lovingly.

All the comments are things like "you look sooo happy, what a beautiful wedding" etc If I didnt know her well I could easily look at those photos and be envious of their life. But in reality its very sad and I am very concerned for her.

There is no point dwelling on this, let it go and move on, well done for moving on with your life with such courage x

What’s on Facebook doesn’t always relate to what’s real.

I know someone who’s in the most toxic relationship you could ever imagine. They have violent arguments (both aggressive to each other), they’re both alcoholics, and are vile to each other behind closed doors. Their Facebook profiles are absurd - always gushing about how much they love each other and they’re each other’s soulmate, yet nobody who knows them well would be at all surprised if one of them ends up dead. Sounds extreme but that’s how bad it is.

Are you sure you haven’t looked at his profile, if you had she’d have come up

Exactly, and bad things happen to good people.

I would stop wasting headspace on this person. You aren't responsible for him.or his future actions. Focus on where you are at and on creating the life you want.

This. Karma in the sense that its usually used is total nonsense. There is no cosmic force keeping score for us in the way people so confidently assert. The only thing you can do is decide how to live your own life, how to react to things, how to move on.

You can't believe social media.

But also, there really is no such thing as karma. Good things happen to bad people, sadly.

The thing is the opportunity for him to get what he deserved was when you could have had him prosecuted for what he did - you chose not to and that’s totally your choice - and have left it to fate and karma (or another victim) for him to get his comeuppance

life can be very cruel and unfair and it’s quite often the bastards in life who sail through it unscathed.

I highly doubt he has changed so the photo on social media is a shot in time of what this couple want everyone to think

My football-mad abusive ex has a pic of himself looking like a grinning dad of the year to his two young kids who are wearing his favourite team’s football kit.

His kids are tweens now and tolerate him at best, hate football and never put on a football shirt again since the day he made them do it for that photo.

Social media isn’t real life.