AIBU to feel there is no karma after seeing abusive ex thriving?

My best friend was in a very similar situation with a real nasty, abusive fucker who it turned out, had tens of thousands of pounds worth of debt owed to HMRC. But educated, charming, charismatic and successful to the outside world. She had a similar experience to you of seeing him on social media in a gorgeous house with a gorgeous wife and a sweet little boy. Fast forward almost a decade and this woman has reached out to her - he was still completely the nasty, abusive shit he had always been, with even bigger debts. My friend is now part of a small cabal of his exes who are horizon scanning social media, hell bent on making sure that no other woman goes unwarned about his true nature. It is no accident that my friend and the other exes are beautiful, successful women from wealthy families- he targets a type. Apparently, not far off his 60th birthday, he is still at his old tricks.

I am sure that your ex is not dissimilar in the way he operates to my friend’s ex, some men are just sinister bastards and get away with it unfortunately. There is no such thing as karma I’m afraid , just twatty people doing twatty things. Sometimes they get away with it, sometimes they don’t. “The universe” couldn’t care less, but let’s hope that at some point there is some earthly justice in store for these types.

Tosh. Utter head in the sand tosh.

If only it was true, but its not.

There is absolutely no karma in this world, you are right @Toadsandwarts9

Karma will always get people in the end, just not always as you expect, or as quickly as you'd like.

And always remember that good stuff happens to good people (so assuming you're a good person OP, fate will work its magic)!!

OP i had an abusive BF who got married and had those lovely family photos with beautiful babies on Facebook twice. He got divorced both times . I remember seeing travel photos of him with his first wife and his wife had a smile that was not genuine. I thought she looks sad inside. I felt sorry for her. Dear knows how bad he was to each women. My ex didn’t get a happy ending and i doubt yours will.

THIS. We were talking at work the other day about an ex colleague wondering how she was as we all liked her so I looked her up on Facebook- turns out she had moves miles away. Then the next day she came up as a friend suggestion

She’s come up as a suggested friend as she’s been looking at your profile. Happy married people don’t search for their husbands exes on fb.

I agree there is no real karma all you can do is try to live your best life, and live as happily as you can. I hate those phrases but they are apt - even though I struggle with it myself!

the thing about believing karma is that your believing people deserve the bad shit that happens to them too. And we all know really good people that have been dealt shit hands in life. Did you deserve the treatment he gave you? No absolutely not, yet he still put you through it. What I went through (and I’m imagining yours was similar) is like a cancer and all consuming if I let it be. I can’t let it, he doesn’t deserve to affect me or my family anymore than he has.

I don’t think Karma is what you think it is.
It’s far more spiritual and long reaching than that.
You can only control your actions and feelings. Maybe his new wife is being abused who knows. Maybe she too has chosen to not press charges.
I do know of people who write so much crap on fb. Singing the praises of their wonderful dh. The same wonderful dh who has cheated on them multiple times. It’s quite delusional but each to their own.

I'm sorry for your terrible experience, but YABU for believing in karma! You need only look around you for a second to see that some of the most heinous individuals are sometimes extremely lucky in life.

You are right that there is no such thing as Karma, in the sense of some great cosmic balance that brings bad people to justice.

The world is full of arseholes who exploit or abuse others and never face repercussions for it.

I do think there is some element of natural justice in that people who mistreat and abuse others never truly know the real joy and intimacy of fully trusting and loving other people, and being trusted and loved in return. They may not face a reckoning for their behaviour, but they're forever cut off from the best that human relationships have to offer.

I also think that most humans have the capacity for personal growth and character change. Your ex may have become a genuinely better person, who now treats others well. This would not remotely excuse or redeem him for what he did to you, but it is possible he would no longer behave that way and has found meaningful love as a result.

I think you're right that the best way forward is to close the door on the past. You're an incredible survivor who has shown amazing resilience and built yourself back up after serious trauma. What your ex is doing now has nothing to do with the life you've created for yourself. He doesn't deserve a moment more space in your head.

Karma is bollocks, yes.

I'm sure the reality is very different to the glossy social media portrayal.

Amen to that

I voted YBU for the simple reason that you are letting him live rent free in your head. Be thankful you got rid of him instead x

The best revenge is living well.

I agree.

I only ever got involved with two men who were abusive (one physically and one verbally).
I walked out on the first and divorced the second.

35 years later, the amount of misfortunes suffered by the pair of them would fill a small novel.
I believe that there is Karma in the sense of "you reap what you sow". But the Karma Bus - if it exists, doesn't run to your timetable, but gets there in the end.

Live the best life you can in the meantime.

This OP!

Life doesn’t work like that.

Good and bad happens to people whatever they do or are.

Karma exists, but not as people in the west understand it. I don’t think that’s what your post is really about though. I’m so sorry for what you went through, and while they have a beautiful looking life, that woman probably has been through things behind the scenes.

Karma usually comes along eventually. I had a similar experience with a complete cunt of a man when I was only just 17. Was completely naive and had known only love and kindness. What he did to me was brutal. Fast forward over 40 years and I discovered quite by chance that something happened that he’ll never recover from.

If karma existed, the world would look very different.

I read on Mumsnet
Don’t compare your life with someone else’s showreel.”
But I’m not sure Karma exists.

there is no such thing as karma, the end, also how do you know hes not abusing her? abuse is abuse even if its happening in a 5 bedroom house

Yes the CPS are basically completely uninterested when it comes to accusations like this which is awful, they push forward in cases such as if you’re walking home and a stranger attacks you, as in their minds a woman isn’t going to consent to sex with a random stranger in a public place etc. That’s the only time I’d go to the Polce as otherwise they really aren’t good with domestic abuse situations.