to ask my friend to replace the baby play gym I lent her?

Is the mat not washable?

I think it's one of these lessons learnt times. You are right to be annoyed if if came back in a shabby condition., And and she is quite cheeky returning it like this and not saying anything. If it was very expensive then ask for a replacement. But really don't lend baby/children's stuff and expect to get it back pristine. But it does sound wrecked.

I can't see if anyone has suggested the replacement parts option
https://shop.lovevery.co.uk/collections/the-play-gym-replacement-parts
I would just add that to your message. I'd let the cards go but other parts should be replaced.

I agree. I'd be so embarrassed to return something to my friend in that condition. Do people have no shame about this? Evidently some people don't, like OP's friend!

The cost doesn’t matter it’s the principle! She borrowed something she knew you would use again. She was given it in good faith to look after and hand back in much the same condition.
did she think you mustn’t be bothered due to the condition that you hadn’t used it much?
id be having a chat and send her the link where she can purchase a new one or a replacement for it!
why do people today think you can trash other people’s belongings with crappy behaviour and get away with it?

When lending things of relative value like a play mat, always take a photo of it before you hand it over.

I was never a fan of sharing baby stuff like this, but YANBU OP. I hope your friend acknowledges you and the issue with the condition of it now.

Are you absolutely certain that she’s returned “yours”? Is it possible that she’s passed it on/ sold it; not anticipating you wanting it back (surprisingly normal, even given the original “borrow” agreement) and has just bought a “replacement” as cheaply as possible?

I think that was a good message and hopefully you feel better now for sending it rather than staying silently resentful. I’m surprised how many people seem to think nothing made for babies should last and everything is so disposable. My Lovevery playmat is (according to the person I bought it off) on its fifth baby and I fully expect to pass it on afterwards. I couldn’t find the Argos link someone had apparently posted but my baby is now five months old and can roll over so lots of the playgyms he used to enjoy at playgroup, the library, other people’s houses etc. are no longer suitable as they’re not sturdy enough or too narrow whereas I think he’ll get a few more months out of the Lovevery one and then it can be used for longer as a tent so, for me, it was definitely worth buying.

I wonder if she lent it out to another friend in the interim, who has lost all the bits and stained it? It just seems really odd to return something damaged, stained, and missing parts without an apology or offer to replace it.

I'm glad you sent the message. Trouble is the stain will be set now. She should have spoken to you when it happened.

Well done on sending that message! Keep us updated. What she's done is really rude and disrespectful.

She would have been a hell of a lot more careful if she had been the one to pay 140 quid for it!
Hopefully she has the rest of the stuff.

I have seen this time and time again that some folk are more careless with items that they do not own and haven't paid for. Almost like a switch in their brain says to them, 'It doesn't matter - it's not mine anyway!'

Sometimes you learn the hard way that it is very risky to lend something to someone. If she had apologised to you and offered a replacement when she returned it to you, there would be no issue.

If she is a decent person, she will see your message, apologise immediately and replace the items.

#OldPossumsPracticalCats
I'm really sorry this has happened to you ~ the Lovevery play gym is a really lovely one and, because of the design, stains will show more clearly on it than the highly patterned ones

It's been a while since I had a conversation with a friend who has a Lovevery subscription but she told me their Customer Service is particularly helpful and they'll replace spare parts. I know she had one or two toddler toys for her firstborn where the parts got used (art materials I think) so she queried whether she could get replacements for her second child and they sent her some

I know you said you don't have a subscription, but just wondered if they would help you with replacement cards etc?

Hope you are able to get this sorted in time for you new baby's arrival 💐

Such a shame. I would never lend anything as expensive as that.

I would talk to her. Say it’s in a real state now and she should replace it.

Don't know why people are having a pop at the original cost of the mat. It's not like that's any excuse for returning it wrecked, even if it was q cheaper version. I can't imagine borrowing something cheap and returning it aaged and saying 'you don't mind do you, it was only £30'

It's irrelevant anyway as friend knew the brand / cost

It’s up to you if you’re particularly bothered about this friendship as it’ll probably make things awkward going forward. If you don’t really care that much about the friendship then I’d ask her to buy a new one.

Never mind people saying it's a waste of money who probably treat other people's things equally as badly. Did you send the message? That's the focus here, calling it out politely and getting a replacement or money towards one.

Yes great.. and that expensive thing has seen 2 babies through now. Daily use. It's had its day. Let it go.

But second ones never seem to love it in the same way. Probably because they have a sibling to entertain them and can see the next stage of toys and think 'nah, I'm having that'!

When your kid is 6 you will look back and kick yourself that a) you pissed away £140 on something for a baby to dribble over and b) probably lost a friendship over it.

I’m not familiar with the brand so I googled it, and I think the play gym looks fabulous. So many little additions and things to keep them busy. My baby is seven months now and starting to grow out of his gym, but I’d definitely buy this one if we were to have another.
I’m so sorry OP that your friend handed it back with stains on and bits missing. She knew the cost of it presumably, and wanted a fancy gym without having to pay for it. Knowing as well that she asked to borrow it in the first place (as opposed to you offering) makes this more frustrating. It’s poor that she didn’t even acknowledge the bad condition of it when handing it back, and you’ve now had to wash it…she should’ve been the one doing this.
I think the text you’ve sent is perfect, keep us updated with her reply!

Have you sent the message yet?