to ask my friend to replace the baby play gym I lent her?

I think another aspect of this is OP mentioned in her 2nd post that grandparents had contributed towards the cost of the play gym. No doubt they will be expecting to see their new grandchild using it so it puts extra pressure on the OP to get the original item sorted rather than replace it with a cheaper version

Hope the "friend" will come up trumps with all the missing parts and the play guide

Totally fair enough to send her that text. She should have absolutely apologised for the state of it when she returned it to you. I still feel mortified that I misplaced my friend breast pump which she lent to me when I had DC1. I repaid her the money so she could get a new one!

It could be £1000 but it doesn’t matter. People can spend their money on whatever they want without judgement. I don’t get Mumsnet and the ‘I’m better than you becuase my baby played with a fork’ brigade. (Not saying that is you but there has been a lot of it on this post)

I dont think your message tackles the issue enough. Its too passive and leaves too much room for her to skirt around the issue. You dont think they've been left behind, you know.
I'd be saying you're very upset, you appreciate things can get damaged but this is too much and she needs to take steps to rectify it

It was a £140, wild for a baby gym, but thats beside the point.

I bet the friend had no idea its value either. However she should have taken better care and not lost bits regardless of value.

I would say: These parts seem to be missing (send her photos) can you please have a look for them?
Also noticed this big stain on the mat (again send photos) what is it? want to try and get it out before having to chuck it.

Hopefully she gets the message and will offer to contribute towards the cost.

Very true!
What stands out to me here is that (according to the op) this woman looks after her own stuff very well, her house is always very neat and tidy, and yet she doesn't look after her friend's stuff at all...

Maybe the Baby Gym Ruiner doesn't care about the friendship given the state she returned it in (and without any hint of an apology)..

Did she reply?

So am I, and my baby's almost a teenager. But I'm persuaded by the number of posters who have coincidentally all noted that this product "grows with your baby." For the price, I'm assuming it would still be suitable for her.

I’m so sorry this happened to you and I totally understand you are upset. I think your response was a good one. Also your approach of trying to salvage what you can. Personally I would not ask her to buy a replacement if she is otherwise a very good friend but I would remember. No pussyfooting around. If she asks to borrow something again the answer is no and I’d be honest why. ‘I was so upset with the state my baby gym was returned in that I don’t want to risk lending any items again’. When she starts with the inevitable ’oh so sorry it was x reason’ or ‘you should have said something…’ the response is ‘no it’s done now, forget it, but it is why I won’t lend my things again’. And your learning going forwards is not to lend things you need and can’t afford to replace to anyone.

It’s a popular post (about a relatively trivial problem). I haven’t been on mumsnet for a long time, but I’m learning the ropes. I am personally very much encouraged by this thread to look up Lovevery 😉

If you ask for a new one you may ruin/end the friendship.
so decide what’s most important to you
totally uncool to hand something back in awful condition like that. Not something a good friend would do in my opinion.
my sister handed me back my boxes of baby toys and baby clothes for my third baby recently. All in the same great condition I gave them to her in.

It's not a £30 playgym. The friend wouldn't have asked to borrow it if it was.

I hope your friend responds promptly and contritely. I'm trying to think of any justification for returning something you've borrowed without checking the condition and mentioning any defects. Any chance her DH has bundled it up or she's lent it to somebody else?

PS I know the Lovevery playmat is expensive but it really has a lot of features and grows with your baby.

Write it off. A £30 baby gym; 10 months of use...cost 10p a say.
I would have just given it to a friend, I can't be be arsed about squabbling over pennies.
I got give negative loads of second hand stuff for my dc with no expectation for it to be returned. I in due course, passed it on to the new parents ti be. I thought that was the norm.

Would you really trash someone else’s property, including an expensive item you know they want back?

You must not have read the thread. Its quite clear some people do need it spelling out otherwise we wouldnt be talking about it. Jeez LOL etc etc etc

I think you have handled this in a mature way. Items borrowed for a short time (eg a book or dress) should be returned in exactly the same condition, but as this has been several months, some wear and tear must be accepted. However you are right to question the missing pieces and follow up as you see fit.

I love lovevery. Really wanted the playgym but didn’t in the end. I think your friend is shit, it’s a hard lesson. I hope she returns the missing bits.

I’m very generous with friends, i rather give than lend so it doesn’t cause issues.

I would be fuming. How disrespectful to not even mention it! OP I’d have to say something! I’d just buy a new one and message her to say this has set me back X amount, that you are disappointed and hope the cash comes your way at some point… I wouldn’t want friends like this.

I think we know who couldn't be bothered looking after someone else's property 😉

I think we have all learnt by experience that some people are less careful with stuff than they should be.

But also wear and tear happens slowly over time, so not noticeable to the borrowers but the difference between condition at hand over vs return is massive to the lender.

So i wouldn't let it be the end of a friendship. I'd treat it as lessons learned

I think it's cheeky that she even asked to borrow such an expensive item to begin with. Then to lose bits without actually saying sorry is really taking the piss. How good of a friend is this woman really?

Not perfect. Ridiculous, it's to be expected when lending out baby stuff. Couldn't get excited about it.