to ask my friend to replace the baby play gym I lent her?

I would share the invoice you’ll get from Lovevery for the missing bits and ask her to transfer the money.

I fear this is too indirect and gives her a massive out because she has definitely lost these parts. So to prepare for the disappointment coming, here's a draft response to her next text:

Hi lovely, I did say I wanted it back for my next one and I lent it in pristine condition. Please can you replace the missing bits (play guide etc) - you can get them here (link to Argos or whatever). Thanks so much.

The person I was replying to was thinking it was a £30 baby gym that Op should just replace it and forget about it.

Argh, these replies are so annoying. There is a difference between Lovevery and cheap toys from Amazon/temu full of toxins. I don’t understand how people let their babies chew on toys from Temu for example, yet I don’t comment on it, each to their own.

OP, there’s a love chat option in Lovevery website and they are very helpful. You can tell them which replacement bits you want and they’ll create a manual order.

There’s a Lovevery Facebook group where people sell items they no longer need. I love all our Lovevery toy and would never lend it until my kids are done with it.

I think lending anything comes with the risk that damage may occur,particularly when used by babies and children.
It a shame your friend didn't admit the damage and offer to replace it though as that would have been the decent thing to do.
I do think asking for a replacement may have consequences for your friendship though ,as people often take offence at being pulled up on something like this.
If you value the friendship is worth more than the cost of the mat, i would let it go, though i wouldn't lend her anything again!

I feel for you, you have some pretty judgemental responses. I am not sure why people suggesting you should buy the £20 one aren't suggesting that your friend should at least contribute £20 to getting some of this fixed. Your friend would know the value/worth of this particular playmat, so it isn't unreasonable to ask.

If you haven't done it already (I know you did Vanish) give it a soak in vinegar, then wash in Napisan. Not saying your friend is dirty but you need to be sure that there is no mould or germs lingering for your new baby.

My guess is that the borrower in question has some resentment towards the lender and thinks she has ideas above her station.

I’ve read most of your posts. Since she’s normally a really good friend I suspect she doesn’t really understand Montessori style learning or appreciate how expensive the Lovevery sets are - maybe she might have been more careful if she realised how much you’d spent on it. Fingers crossed she can find some of the bits for you and you get a positive reply to your message! I think you’ve been very diplomatic. It’s not petty to be upset when it has sentimental value to you and was so expensive.

In case you do need replacement bits, you can order them by contacting Lovevery Support and offering to pay. I did this to get a new motor for the play sink (which we bought on Vinted). I’ve also bought and sold lots of individual bits from the play kits on Vinted - there’s definitely lots of other people that do this too, so hopefully some of the bits you need might crop up soon!

Agree

Op you don’t think she lent it to someone else and didn’t check it was complete and clean before she returned it to you?

I hate people who lend things off others.

If you want it that badly, then sell your unwanted stuff on Vinted, ask Grandparents to chip in, and buy it yourself.

But no. You have something I want, and I will borrow it. I will wreck it, and hand it back to you in a tip.

It is selfish and entitled.

I knew I’d get an idiotic comment like this. I bet you didn’t even read past my first sentence.

Why should OP have to buy a new one? Why shouldn't the person who ruined it pay for it?

I’m so shocked people are blaming you! You did a kind thing and were put on the spot with her asking you, when put in that position you pretty much have to say yes especially when it’s a friend. She knew it was expensive and if she knows she can’t look after things properly she shouldn’t have asked to borrow. Did she make an attempt on the stains at least before returning? Awful she’s not even apologetic about missing items. People saying you shouldn’t have lent it are missing the point completely, you lent it to a friend who you assumed respected you and your belongings. Has she replied?

Haven't RTFT @OldPossumsPracticalCats but I 100% would expect things back in full pieces. Stains or wear or tear would be annoying but I'd let it go and just be annoyed at myself for giving it out. Although if I had borrowed something and knew I lost pieces or stained it badly I'd definitely contact my friend and say "really sorry, just noticed XYZ, I'll an order a replacement ASAP".

Interested if she messaged you back?

Baffled by all the people saying a £30 mat does the same thing. Technically, Primark shoes are functional, but if I lent someone Jimmy Choos, I wouldn’t be happy if they were returned trashed and replaced with Primark heels.

Oh my goodness, this is exactly what happened with a 'friend' of mine. I lent her a bunch of stuff (buggy, bassinet etc.) and made it clear that I wanted it back for when I had my second baby.

I was chasing her for MONTHS, until I was 8 months pregnant, which I really hated because I wanted to set up the baby's room with the bassinet in anticipation. I had had a miscarriage before this baby (she knew this), so it was even more important to me.

She finally handed back the stuff in terrible condition, and I cried when I saw the state of it. I decided to never lend out anything ever again. She ended up being an awful friend and she's no longer in my life.

I can't stand people who take advantage of other peoples' kindness.

TL:DR
"Stay in your lane, poor person"

This ^ She sounds like a shit friend OP. I can’t believe the amount of responses you are getting advising you to just stay quiet and not say anything for the sake of the ‘friendship’.

No real friend would take advantage of you like this.

CallingOnTheMegaphone
"Surely you know what do with the thing if your first kid used it for ages? That probably went in the recycling long ago!"

Why the heck would you put property that was loaned to you in the recycling even if it was "only" the play guide? The OP may have been planning to sell the complete set on after she had finished with it.

Well it sounds like the ‘friend’ who borrowed the play mat isn’t a friend worth keeping.

Based on your snarky comment you clearly have forgotten what it’s like to be a first time mum and wanting something nice. So I’m guessing you have never spent any amount of money on your kids - fine, you do you. No stop judging others who have.

It's definitely not your fault.

And you are right to expect anyone (especially a friend) to handle things lent to them with care.
Even without you telling her you wanted it for a second child, you could have had various other plans for it. It's yours.

You don't need to defend why you bought it. It's nobody's business.

Going forward, you know she's not one to lend stuff too..and you know that anything you value does not get lent out, irrespective of person. That's the way to damaging relationships with people.

Really sorry, this happened. I wouldn't like it.

I appreciate quality toys, and have a household income of over 250k, but I never thought to spend anything close to £140 on my baby gym! I also never lend anything out unless I can afford to lose it.

I think you have rather strange financial priorities if you are prepared buy an expensive baby toy that by your own admission you can’t really afford, and then lend it out to someone.

your friend was a bit of a cf to put you on the spot asking for it and I don’t blame you for being annoyed. But let’s face it a baby gym is a bit of fabric that babies are going to poo on, be sick on, pull bits off. I think you were a bit daft to buy it in the first place, and even more daft to lend it out.