to ask my friend to replace the baby play gym I lent her?

It doesn’t matter if it cost £4 or £400 it wasn’t hers to trash. It’s disrespectful to borrow something and give it back with missing parts and stains.

Sounds like when she owns something she really takes care of it, as she didn’t buy it she didn’t care.

In case not clear I meant the “friend” should pay for a new one for you OP.

She’s taken advantage of you.

Fair point. I should really have said that I'm also happy to lend to friends who want, rather than just need, something. That's because I know my friends will return things in the state they were lent, or replace them if not. Hence I don't believe this woman is the OP's friend. I agree that she used OP to avoid paying out in the first place. Tbh I'm shocked at how many here expect the OP to pay for a new mat. I know you're not one of them though @BudgetBuster !

As would I.
I was just pointing out that you said you'd lend something to a friend who NEEDS it.

Nobody NEEDS a £140 playgym though. The friend asked because she didn't want to splurge herself... if I was borrowing something that expensive I wouldn't wreck it (bar a normal level of wear and tear) and Id certainly replace any broken parts. @BudgetBuster

I would be just as annoyed if she had borrowed a £20 playgym and returned it wrecked. It's about respect for other people's belongings.

Nobody NEEDS a £140 playgym though. The friend asked because she didn't want to splurge herself... if I was borrowing something that expensive I wouldn't wreck it (bar a normal level of wear and tear) and Id certainly replace any broken parts.

On the flip side, I purposely didn't lend things out that I knew I'd want for my 2nd child due shortly. Anything I thought was as easily replaceable or that I wasn't pushed about I would happily give away. Things that were expensive but I rarely got use of, I have given away so someone else would get better use.

Babies don't lose most of the attachments and the parents guide book . . .

It was used by a baby. Babies damage things, surely that was very very obvious as you said she was very tidy and organised.

She’s not a friend doing this…I’d ask her to take it back and pay for a new one.

Returning it to you in such a shabby state is poor form.

It's understandable but sad that so many say "don't lend anything". I don't lend things to people I don't know well, but will lend pretty much anything to a friend. Friends don't refuse to lend something to a friend that needs it, and friends don't return borrowed things in a ruined state.

I agree with a PP, that woman may be good company, but she is not a friend.

I think I would just give it back to her and say its in such poor condition, I don't want it anymore. I did tell you I wanted to use it again so that is quite disappointing and see what she says. See if she actually apologises.

Otherwise I think its a lesson learned. She sounds like a CF, and having the gall to return it in poor condition and not saying anything is too much.

But you'd expect all the pieces back surely?

Only on MN could it be the OP’s fault for doing a good deed for a friend, so determined are some posters to put the boot in.

The one the OP’s talking about is £140 and a really elaborate piece of kit. It’s not something you could buy in Lidl. At all. And yes, you can expect to get things back in ‘reasonable’ condition. The OP didn’t lose or damage any of it when it was her baby playing it every day, so why would her friend be so incapable of keeping all the pieces?

OK, I was fully prepared to say ‘Babies wreck things, it can’t be helped’ but having now looked up this thing on Google and seen what it comes with, I now think YANBU. Of course babies dribble and grab things and throw up on them so things aren’t going to stay in perfect condition, but I can’t see how they’ve managed to lose and/or damage so many parts. It’s an expensive thing with lots of elements and if I was your friend I’d be mortified and offering to replace it - it’s not like she didn’t know you’d want it back.

It’s one thing sharing things between family/siblings but it’s another with friends. Do you really want the teething ring back, that her baby has used? Just get a new one, on the replacement parts website it’s £6. I wouldn’t have bothered asking for that back.

Have you read the thread?

To summarize . . .

This was an expensive Lovevery baby gym which was purchased for the OP's first child with the help of grandparents

Friend asked to borrow it and has just returned it with a nasty stain on the mat, many of the attachments are missing, cards are bent and the play guide is also missing

Understandably OP is very upset that a much loved item which she was looking forward to using with her new baby is stained and most of the attachments are missing or bent

She doesn't sound like much of a friend or a decent person ... a true friend and decent person would have had a conversation about it and offered to replace it/the missing bits, etc

Ridiculous.

It's a wear and tear item.

You can't expect to get it back in reasonable condition.

In fact, you shouldn't loan items to friends, if you're not prepared to part with them.

They are cheap and inexpensive - the other day I saw one at Lidl.

Just buy a new one.

OP, You haven't said how close you are but this is pretty crap of her so if/when she comes back and says oh sorry they weren't very good quality/ hardwearing and so I chucked them, please do have a go at her a bit.

I'd definitely make this point too - "It was a huge splurge for us and grandparents contributed too and we can’t afford it easily."

If she's in a better financial position/less frugal generally, she might well have assumed 'no biggy' - some people just arent' able/can't be arsed to think outside their own situation..

Come on. This isn't just about an object. Unless you're the type of person who does kind of thing frequently and expect that everyone be ok with it?

This is similar to when people get upset or angry at 'friends' who deliberately underpay or over-order at a group dinner - very little of that's to do with the money. It's about consideration for others. It's about not taking advantage of a situation to your own benefit and to the detriment of other people. This kind of situation is a window to who people really are on the inside.

Good luck OP, she’s lucky to have someone as understanding as you as a friend.

I'm afraid she won't offer to pay for that kind of wear & tear of her own accord, because she doesn't really want to.

That's why she asked to borrow yours in the first place - she wanted to save herself a good amount of money and run through someone else's belongings, for free.

She may be pleasant and charming company OP, but that is not a friend. That's a user, a cheeky fucker who doesn't respect you.

This kind of thing is the making or breaking of good relations with other people.
You soon find out what kind of people they are when they're tested in this way.

I think she has been so rude and disrespectful and it would honestly make me think less of her as a friend. I made the mistake of lending a travel cot to someone once, it came back soiled on the base and the stain never came out, so we were unable to sell it on. I wish I had just said we didn’t have one