to ask my friend to replace the baby play gym I lent her?

Probably still waiting for her to reply 🙄🤦‍♂️
Any news OP?

did you get the items replaced OP?

This. And if OP isn't direct enough then that's what will happen.

I reckon she's hoping you'll forget about it if she leaves it long enough.

She’s so rude. Can’t even be bothered to really after trashing an expensive item. Not a friend.

I think it’s pretty bad that she trashed the toy when she knew you wanted it back. It doesn’t matter whether it was expensive or cheap - when you’re borrowing something, you take good care of it.

I hope she gives you the pieces back or pays to replace them, OP!

Would be good if someone told the friend about this thread…

Did she reply to your message OP?

One has just come up on vinted for £55 12 minutes ago! It says it's in very good condition but it will probably sell super fast though.

Your friend seems somewhat disrespectful@OldPossumsPracticalCats
The casual way she handed you back your item, practically destroyed , without so much as a backward glance and then to blatantly ignore your texts.
i would imagine she is disrespectful in other areas, to you , which you’ve excused over the years.
She maybe a slow texter, but if she valued your friendship, she should be bending over backwards to make this up to you. ..
I’d step back a bit …. And I don’t think you’ll get any joy with replacements etc, from her …

Have a look and see if you can get another one cheap on eBay. It's careless and annoying of your friend but it's only a baby gym. Don't lend any items you are actually bothered about to anyone in future.

I don’t agree with this sorry. DD used her toys but they were still in perfect condition because I looked after them, cleaned them and tidied them all up so all parts were together. I’m not saying things never got broken (and binned). But if you have to ruin it to enjoy it, that’s not right either.

I am sure your friend is well aware it’s ruined and not in the condition you supplied but presumably there was never a verbal agreement to return it in the same condition. Some people just treat things roughly, don’t look after things, easy come, easy go. She should have bought you a new one, never lend her anything again. I’d let it go and get a new one but I’d be upset too.

You can’t allow her to ignore it OP.
It’s an issue that’s important to you, - an issue that arose the moment she gave the play mat back in a very poor state without saying a word as if it didn’t matter one jot.
You set great store by taking care of things properly and in being kind in lending out but she flippantly and dismissively walked rough shod over you and your kindness and generosity.

Your relationship with her will never be the same if you let it go. There will be resentment which is unnecessary as you can easily fix this by leading the way in being more assertive about it.
You must find the courage to remind her again for the missing items until she is forced to confront the issue. It’s entirely normal to stand up for yourself in that way.

And by the way, it’s her job to replace the missing items by buying them if she can’t find them at home, and by handing them to you personally with a sincere apology at which point you should ask her how ever she thought it acceptable to hand it back to you in that awful state without saying a word in the first place.

It will be so much easier to renew the friendship and start afresh after she has had the decency to explain and apologise. If you value the friendship you will enable that to happen. And only at that point will you feel able to be generous in forgiving her - if you want to.

So cheeky you make sure your careful with other people's items

I really hope she gives back the missing pieces, OP. And never lend that friend anything again.
Some people are really awful and careless with things they borrow - I never ever lend books anymore, for example, as I’ve had them returned to me in an pitiful state or not returned and I’m the one who has to chase the borrower!

Purposely ignoring. I'd call her.

It’s unfair and not your fault but just learn from this never to lend unless you are chill about not getting it back in the same condition, and certainly don’t lend to her again, but buy yourself a new one.

I think this is so true . . . it's really difficult when people ask and you have to make a snap decision

It happens to me often with books, not expensive admittedly, but I do wish people wouldn't ask to borrow them as I rarely get books back

I also think there is a lot of focus on this thread about how people should learn to say no when someone asks to borrow something, but perhaps the best advice is that people shouldn't ASK to borrow unless prepared to undertake to replace the item if something happens.

What did she reply?

I agree. Op said her dc1 used it daily, which is under a £1 a day if they kept it until past 6 months. We don't know what other things they had - maybe far less than other babies because OP felt a lot was built-in to this item.

But really that cost is so much not the point. In fact, the more it cost, the more generous she was to lend it. Just because she was more generous than I'd necessarily have been, I'm not going to give her a hard time for that ...

None of it changes the fact the toy should have been respected and returned in good order, or an apology (at least) should have been made.

The OP’s friend asked if she could borrow it and OP agreed out of the kindness of her own heart. If the so called friend is going to be that pushy then the least she could do is treat the item with a bit of respect or replace the missing items.

You talk about the onus being on the OP preserving the ‘friendship’, but the person who borrowed the baby gym doesn’t sound like much of a friend anyway.

Theres a lot of inverse snobbery on this thread. People quite often have one or two special items. It doesn’t automatically mean they are unreasonably extravagant.

I would use this as a lesson not to lend things again.

It might sound petty but I only ever lend things to Ds2 as he always returns things as he was lent them.

If anyone else asks to borrow something from me I only let them have things im not bothered about getting back, so from my POV I'm not expecting to see it back again.

At first I found it hard to say no but you soon learn!

No, it is relevant if the OP feels she needs to replace the gym and can’t afford a Lovevery one.