to ask my friend to replace the baby play gym I lent her?

I was in this exact situation twice; once as the lender and once as the borrower of a soft travel high chair. I accidentally binned it but bought the friend that had lent it to me a new one. She said I shouldn’t have but I couldn’t live with the guilt. My other friend borrowed a top of the range breast pump and eventually returned it broken and unusable. I decided not to say anything as I was finished having kids but 13 years on any time I see her it does pop into my head.

Never lend anything.

Block the bitch.

Honestly I think there is no point asking for a new one. She won’t get the right one, it’ll be a cheap one and you won’t like it. I would leave it, buy my own replacement and never lend her anything else again..

If I lent a friend a dress to be worn at a particular one-off event, I'd expect it to be returned in the exact same condition a few days later. Ditto if I'd lent a friend a tennis racquet/kitchen equipment/tool for a one-time use. But you lent a baby's play gym for several weeks or months - it's not unreasonable to expect some damage given the length of time and its inevitable usage. If it was precious to you, you shouldn't have lent it. It's upsetting, I agree, but I think you need to draw a line and make a note to never lend items again if you can't cope with someone not being as careful with them as you are.

I think it’s really difficult when loaning baby items. They do get marks, sick etc and wear & tear on them. Bits can get detached and you forget where they came from.
Personally I wouldn’t ask for a replacement but I would not loan her anything else going forward - chalk it up to experience. Put everything away / sell it on after this baby and just say oh sorry I passed it on already to my friend at work.

You’re not guaranteed a new one but you’re guaranteed a ruined friendship.
Is it worth it?

No real friend returns something in that condition.
Shabby behaviour.
I would so judge someone doing that.
Unfortunately nowadays it really is best not to lend.

I passed everything on after 3 children and everything was spotless and perfect.
Because I am respectful of my things.
No excuse for something to be dirty and stained.

Mention of the booklet, cards etc. suggests it might be the Lovevery one which is £140! Personally I’d buy the replacement parts on Vinted/ EBay, still use it, not mention it but think less of her and resolve to never lend her anything ever again.

ETA: If it is Lovevery I think you can download a copy of the guide from the Subreddit to save re-buying it

I personally would never lend something I planned to use again for this very reason. None of my baby items were fit to pass on/sell in anything resembling 'good condition' after 2 children because I had messy children and I'm not the kind of person who can keep sensory cards or a guide booklet neat and tidy with a baby.

I don't think you can ask for a replacement. Baby stuff is always going to look a bit shabby going onto its 3rd child, if you weren't prepared for that then you should have said no originally.

I'd ask for the other parts of it.

Thanks for returning it, but xyz is missing, can you have a look for them.

I'd put it in the wash and see how it comes out.

It depends if you want to stay friends

The fact she has given it back in a state means she either thinks it doesn’t matter and has different standards, or she is a CF.

If it were me I would be mortified and would have just said it wasn’t in a great state I’ll get you a new one.

Having said that, my baby gym was super cheap, like £20, I’m assuming yours wasn’t? As if it was cheap probably not worth ruining the friendship over and may just never lend her anything again…

Two things - how close a friend is she? And how long has she had the mat; has it likely been in storage/the loft?

You should not even have to ask her . She should have replaced it without the need to ask .

Perfect!

I think since she asked to borrow it, she should return it in reasonable condition. If it's ruined, she should pay for it.

Text her.

Hi X you've completely destroyed the play gym and I can't use it. You can keep this one and get me a replacement as you knew I wanted it for my second.

Unfortunately I think this is the risk you take when you lend stuff particularly with small babies around although I totally understand why you’re upset.

It sounds like you have very different standards when it comes to cleaning / maintaining things and she’s happy for some ‘wear and tear’ but that’s not what you were expecting.

How much is actually missing as opposed to just stained or worn?