to ask my friend to replace the baby play gym I lent her?

Truthfully OP, is she actually really a friend.
I don't consider this normal behaviour.
This is low class cheeky fxxker behaviour from someone whom has zero respect for you, themselves and your property.
Not normal at all.

If you buy it new again and you keep it in excellent condition again, you can sell it for about two thirds of the cost on eBay or wherever.

the friend is a turd though. Shows something about her character that she wrecked it and didn’t even say anything. I wouldn’t want a friend like that.

I’m old and have no idea about modern baby things but why on earth do you still need the play guide! What’s in it?

I hate borrowing things for exactly this reason. I also often forget to give them back. I’d rather people didn’t lend me things.

You were foolish to lend something so expensive and precious that you were planning to use again to someone with their first baby.

If you make her buy a new one or make a big deal of it you will lose her as a friend.

Big equipment operated by an adult you can expect to be looked after but baby toys not so much.

Noone can predict how well they’ll cope with the world with a new baby, let alone keep everything pristine.

I’ve just followed the link. How the hell is that worth £140!!!! It’s bit of cloth.

That's awful, unfortunately even if your friend keeps a very tidy home and looks after belongings normally her rules and expectations for babies may be completely different.

You have to mention it to her because it's going to weigh on you otherwise but be prepared for her to take it really badly.

@OldPossumsPracticalCats
https://www.vinted.co.uk/items/8227975057-lovevery-bunny-teether
I know they’re asking for £10 but it’s been listed for two weeks and nobody has favourited it so they might take an offer

Part of being a parent is advocating for your child, and that sometimes means being assertive and having difficult conversations. The earlier you start, the earlier you'll feel comforting doing it.

Imagine your child is older and someone borrowed a toy worth over £100, and returned it in this state. Would you tell your child to quietly get over it? No. Not unless you want them to have a lifetime of accepting poor treatment. So start now. Contact your friend and be factual, keep emotion out of it. Say that the item is stained with pieces missing and ask when she can sort it or provide a replacement.

Think about how you'd feel if the roles were swapped, you'd want to fix things wouldn't you? So should she, and if she doesn't, then end the friendship.

That would have been the decent thing to do.

I do t think you’re being unreasonable but I think you need to weigh up whether it’s actually worth asking for a replacement as you could lose a friendship over this if she takes offence (yes I know she’s done wrong). If you’re not that fussed then yes, ask her but if you’d like to continue the friendship maybe let it slide. Then when she sees the new play mat for seasons baby you can comment then!!

She's not a very nice person to return it to you in that condition, but I can't imagine it will go over well if you ask her to buy you a replacement. If you're prepared to end the friendship, you could try, or at least ask for a contribution to a replacement, but again, I doubt someone like this would agree or make it easy on you.

Unfortunately, you've learned this lesson the hard way. Don't lend friends anything of value—especially nothing for babies or young children.

Do you want to save the friendship? If not you have nothing to lose by being fairly blunt with her about it.

Hey friend, thanks for dropping the playmat back. It’s disappointing to get it out and find pieces missing and parts stained. I’m not going to be able to use this now for baby 2, there are some available on Vinted I’d be happy to get if you can pay half towards the cost of the replacement.

Ask her where they are.

You probably mean me and I'm not missing anything.

I would be devastated in your position and really pissed off. But I know that's how I would feel which is why I would never lend something to someone that may not come back in the condition I leant it in.

If the missing bits are replaceable then she needs to replace them but I think two babies worth of use is always going to show some damage.

Baby no 2 really won't care about a stained mat or missing bits though. DC2 absolutely destroyed the fairly treasured play seat I had bought for DC1.

I would ask her to replace it.

"Hi x, thanks for returning the play gym, unfortunately it's very badly stained and there are numerous bits missing. As you know, it was really expensive and when I lent it to you it was in excellent condition so I'm really disappointed as it's not in a useable condition any more. There's one on eBay for £xx, do you want me to send you the link to buy it or send me the cash and I'll buy it? Let me know xxx"

She should have been ashamed returning it.
Perhaps she never really imagined you asking for it back but when you did she should have assessed the condition and just bought a new one

It’s a hard lesson learnt. Never lend anything you’re not happy to see the back of, whether it’s money or an expensive play gym. And babies are messy creatures. I’ve been disappointed in the past with how things have been returned to me, have chalked it up to experience and am careful now about what I choose to lend. Can’t bear a bent spine on a book for starters.

Sorry to hear that, I bought mine second hand on Vinted with the ring with the crinkly fabric missing and was able to get it separately on Vinted in a bundle with other things I also wanted (so even with the postage and buyers fee it didn’t work out to be too expensive). Hopefully if you keep an eye out you will be able to get what you need (not that you should have to). It’s awful when you have something special and important to you and your family that’s been damaged by someone you trusted and they didn’t even offer an explanation/ apology/ remedy. Maybe a message asking if she could look for the missing pieces would be a good idea as she might at least still have them somewhere?

There’s no way I’d ask it to be replaced. You lent something for a baby to use… it was not going to come back immaculate

It's a risk you take when you agree to lend something, unfortunately.

It has also gone through 2 babies now and isn't going to be in the same condition it was after just 1 baby had used it.

Her behaviour was totally disrespectful, when you borrow something I was always taught, you look after it better than you would your own things.

I would contact her saying you were very disappointed in the way this item had been returned in, adding it wasn’t in this state when you handed it to her.

Could you message her something like “Hi Sue, there’s quite a few bits missing or damaged- is this definitely mine?” to open the conversation and see where it goes?

I had a “friend” who did this to me. I lent her a lot of stuff - baby bouncer, playmat, clothes, crib etc. She trashed half of it and lost the rest. She didn’t even have the decency to return it to me, I had to drive to her house when heavily pregnant to collect it and I was devastated when I got home and looked at it all. I haven’t spoken to her since.

In your shoes I probably would send a message just saying how disappointed you are that it’s been damaged and so many of the pieces are missing. If she has any manners at all she’ll apologise and offer to replace it.

You could ask her to pay something towards a replacement?

I would have been mortified if I were in your friend's position.