to ask my friend to replace the baby play gym I lent her?

Sorry OP but now you’ve said “people say babies wreck things but mine didn’t” you have now guaranteed your second baby will be a demolition machine.

Given these circumstances and the fact you knew you’d want it back for your next child, I think you were mad to lend it out.

Sorry just posted the Argos 20 quid one..

I’d be so embarrassed to hand something back to a friend in that condition! Not just the stains but the missing items, and the fact she didn’t explain as she did… If she’s wealthy enough to replace it, I think I’d be inclined to ask. It might hurt the friendship long term but it’s the fairest thing for her to do in this situation. If someone lent you a £140 dress and you ruined it- stains, holes etc then you’d surely be expected to replace it.

Oh, it's lovely. I wouldn't have loaned that out. It's available on Amazon for £28 a month x 5 months.

I wouldn’t mention it, really not worth ruining a friendship over.
Im sure she didn’t do it on purpose and maybe she was struggling with a baby (not plain sailing for everyone) and keeping the mat immaculate may have been the least of her problems. Just ask if she has the missing pieces, then wash it. It’s annoying but no more than that.

I think your reply is great. If you get the stuff back then I’d let it go although I’d n ver lend her anything again.
if she can’t get them back I’d ask her to replace the missing parts I’d say that’s totally reasonable.

Experience has taught me never to lend anything I care so much about that it would be an issue if it were damaged or not returned.

There is an old saying "never borrow, never lend, never lose a friend."

Yes this!!

I’d probably just let it go, and learn from the experience that you shouldn’t lend anything you wouldn’t give away.

I have come to the conclusion that people have wildly differing standards in what they think is excellent / good / acceptable condition. I don’t doubt that it was immaculate when you handed it over; I’m sure your friend thinks she gave it back in immaculate condition.

Why did you spend so much on a play mat?

i had a second hand Lamaze mat. Everything was washable and replaceable

when i finised, i gave it away. It was in excellent condition because i washed it

just get yourself one of those for £35

Sorry op i think you are both unreasonable.

Your friend should have apologised or at least owned up.

On the other hand, i’ve just googled this product as not heard of it before. What an absolute waste of money. A £20 version from argos will do the same thing. Babies will wreck things.

I think this was a case of more money than sense. I would just learn from this, don’t lend your friend stuff again and buy a cheaper replacement mat for your second baby to enjoy.

Can you buy replacement parts?
if so maybe text her the link to them

thats the thing with babies. No respect for other people’s property.

just look out for a second hand one online. They are usually available on marketplace

I had this with a cousin and my travel cot. The main difference was that she told me about the damage and bought me a brand new one as soon as I found out I was expecting DC2.
YANBU at all.

That sounds dreadful. Any decent person wouldn't return an item in that condition. They'd mention it and offer a replacement. Even if it were a cheaper replacement, it's still an offer and an acknowledgement.

I would message the friend and ask her what happened to the baby gym- tell her she can keep it because you will have to buy a new one.

If she's a good person she will order you one immediately. If not- then bin her with the gym.

She’s incredibly rude not to have mentioned the stain and missing parts. I’m intrigued about the guide though- don’t you just let the baby at it?! (But since you gave it to her, yes she should be giving that back). You could have been hoping to sell it yourself after baby 2- if clearly still gets a decent price- so she’s basically wrecked that idea too. I think if she can’t find the missing pieces I’d be telling her I was going to have to buy another one and at the very least could she contribute to that.

for the people saying ‘don’t say anything’ why shouldn’t she? She did her friend a favour and has lost out as a result. Silence is how people get away with murder. I think the OP’s suggested message is a reasonable middle ground. I’d have gone a little harder but she really should be getting the missing bits back.

For what it’s worth I never lent out any baby stuff. If you’re likely to want things back for another child there’s a good chance it’ll never be the same. Over the years there have been a few posts on here with similar scenarios so it’s not uncommon unfortunately.

I think its fair for you to ask for a replacement although not a brand new one. You mentioned she'd had it for 10 months which is quite a while and It was already second hand when you loaned it to her so a second hand replacement in good condition seems reasonable.

I just looked. I think the real issue is that it is massively overpriced. You should be able to pop the mat in the wash though.

Were you never at her house whilst she was young it? Our gym lay out for about 6 months for all to see!

@AutumnLover1990 I think in a perfect world - yes
But we don't live in a perfect world.

I just don't lend things out anymore really. Particularly if I know it would upset / annoy me if it came back in a different state. People use stuff differently, have different levels of care.
I tend to lend things that I actually wouldn't be that bothered if I didn't see it again or just give it to them.
With baby stuff, I didn't lend things after my first baby. I gave it away (or sold it) after my second baby when I knew I wouldn't have any more.

Agree it shouldn't have been returned broken/ damaged but on a practical level - couldn't the mat be given a good scrub? Or could you make a new cover for it? Otherwise Id go with a friendly tone message - hey these bits are missing- can you replace them? Also the mat is stained- could you clean it or replace it? Thanks!