AIBU to step back from work friendships after feeling ignored?

Is this a joke?

Sorry op you need to back off, you are right, your behaviour is too much, these are your colleagues, hugging them and basically forcing a friendship, they are work colleagues you should have a good working relationship with, they are not your friends,

WTF. I'd run a mile from you, and maybe even report you to HR.

Jesus you sound like a nightmare. You're the problem.

They have been trying to give you hints to back off. All these things they haven't been doing or gestures that haven't been reciprocated are ways of saying that you need to dial it down. I am sure they like you well enough as a colleague, but they don't want to be friends in the way you want to be. Just keep it professional and pleasant in tone from now on and this will blow over.

I would be relieved you’d backed off. Your behaviour sounds intense.

Do you have friends and family outside your work? You sound over invested in them, which is why I ask. If you haven’t got much going on outside you are looking to them to fill that void.

They probably find you a bit suffocating. They are professional acquaintances and it seems like they are trying to reestablish boundaries. Leave them be, stop touching them, pranking them, looking at them to see if they have noticed you have pulled back. It’s a workplace. If you back off a bit they might reinstate a friendlier manner. And if they do, don’t make the same mistakes again.

You’re much too full on. You found quite young. Back off.

Blimey, what is wrong with you??

Hugging colleagues and playing pranks on them - are you 5?

Asking them every single day how they are and then playing games by backing off to see if they'll respond in the correct way back or you'll ignore them?

This isnt an emotionally mature way to treat people - especially in a professional work place. Have a bloody word with yourself because you are embarrassing yourself terribly here and its making me cringe.

Hi OP, I'm sorry this has happened. It must feel sad and rejecting, but at the same time I think you have understood this for a while. The fact you've noticed that they won't actually open up to you but will to others, the fact they both claimed to have forgotten their own birthdays. You mention you bought them presents, but it seems they are trying quite hard to avoid you giving them gifts. This wouldn't suggest they are mean or using you, quite the opposite. As embarrasing as it might be to face this, it sounds like they weren't actually your friends. You had decided they were, and they felt too awkward to put you straight. They might have felt sorry for you, or they might have qorried about causing drama at work. But, you've realised now and that's good. It means you can give them some space and put your energy into different things.

OP, respectfully, what makes you think these men are your friends, rather than just amiable co-workers you rub along with because you're in the same space? Don't get me wrong -- some of my closest friends are people I've met through various jobs, but those were people I would go for a drink with after work, invite over for dinner, arrange stuff with. People who sought out my company outside of the workplace.

Everything you've said here suggests this is all one-sided on your side. They don't want birthday or Christmas presents from you, or hugs or pranks. They may well think you're a perfectly fine person to be around in the office, but it not go beyond that for them.

You seem to view work as some sort of social club or support group.
Try being a little more professional and concentrate on your work. Work friendships will flow from that because you’ll be appreciated for your contribution.

Trying to think what kind of a workplace you're in that it's fine to be hugging people every day and being this intense. Even in the arts, I think people are more aware of boundaries and professionalism. Is it somewhere with a weird culture that encourages you to be overly enmeshed? None of this sounds normal up until the part where they've cooled off a bit, which is much better.

Definitely too much. It sounds like both guys would prefer a friendly, professional relationship with you rather than being close friends.

Is this a joke post OP?! This is mental 😂

Sorry OP, I agree with this.

They think you are too much. They were establishing a boundary.

You are being too much and too intense.

Don't hug people at work

Sorry OP, I agree with pp. you are forcing a level of intimacy and your own understanding of what a friendship ‘should’ be on these colleagues. Your comparison of their interaction with you against others, and ‘testing’ them is, well, odd and unacceptable.

I would find this odd behaviour from someone in any friendship group, but it’s completely unacceptable at work.

I’d think a work colleague was deranged if they hugged me every day, I’d hate it. Also buying presents is weird. You need to calm down and back off it’s too much, you’ll be getting a complaint against you.

Sounds like a childs game. Going to ignore them to see if they notice me.

Be yourself and get on with it.

I am super close to my colleagues, have known them longer then you. I call them, they call me, we hang out after work, help each other out. Consider them friends not colleagues even though I work with them. We get each other gifts for certain occasions. But gosh we don't hug everyday! And if we don't talk we don't talk cause we are busy with work. Get on with it honestly.

You are way too involved! I couldn't stand people I work with hugging me, giving me presents and wanting to know everything about my life. I am retired now and still friendly with a few people I worked with but we never carried on like that. I imagine they are well and truly over your behaviour. You need to back off.

Jesus you sound like an absolute nightmare colleague

Brutal honesty - I think they think you’re a bit nuts. They’re not your friends, they’re colleagues who humour you.

The clue is in the birthday exchange. They’ve got each others back there. They’re trying to keep their boundaries.

Just to clarify OP, do you see these men outside of work as well as at work? Do you or have you ever socialised with them?
Did you know them before you started working with them or met them when you started working together?

Hard to believe this is real. OP sounds bonkers.

I’m surprised the two men haven’t gone to HR. If the sexes were reversed, OP would be branded a predator.