AIBU to step back from work friendships after feeling ignored?

Hugging? Shudder....
I left France because I couldn't cope with the constant kissing 🤢

Yes as OP didn’t say they played pranks on each other, just that she played pranks on them! Odd.

I have met some of my best friends at work and truly would do anything for them but I would never hug them (weird and u professional) or insist on buying them presents when they clearly don’t want them.

In a work environment it is very difficult when someone is so full on, because they can’t avoid you completely nor really say anything to you.

They are trying to back away kindly so best to respect that. The older one doesn’t want to vent to you about whatever his issues are - could that be because he’s uncomfortable? Some people unintentionally end up being too ‘in your face’ and it’s awkward to deal with.

Incidentally, what sort of job allows you the time to do all this!

And the "pranks"

If I worked with someone who came up to hug me every day and played pranks, I would a) complain to HR about harassment and b) quit

You sound really needy and ott, these folks are your colleagues not your besties and they are trying to work, leave them alone and get on with what you should be doing

it sounds like you’ve made a lot of effort with these 2 colleagues and you describe them as ‘friends’. But it sounds quite one sided. You’ve only known them around a year so to me they are work colleague and nothing more. This doesn’t mean they don’t care about you, they do to some extent as you work together and I imagine they like you but that doesn’t mean you are friends. Hugs and presents to male work colleagues run the risk of being interpreted as something other than friendship, particularly when you haven’t known them very long so I can understand why they might have taken a step back.
But listen, it sounds like you meant well and this is maybe something to learn from. It takes me years before I’d call a colleague from work a friend. I think it’s better to invest your time into friendships outside of work. If that feels hard at the moment, maybe starting a new hobby or something might help to meet people. Good luck.

You sound too intense. It’s work not boarding school. Your attitude is inappropriate.

Crikey. I WFH and on the rare occasions I step into the office it is appropriate to greet colleagues with a hug - because we’ve known each other 20 or 30 years for the most part and that would be regarded as appropriate sector culture between colleagues of very long standing and acknowledgement of sometimes warm and close friendships. But we didn’t and wouldn’t do it if we saw each other every day. It’s not appropriate.

With everyone else, pleasantries and chats about what was on last night or common interests in tea breaks are fine. Pranking would be straight to HR and there is no culture of birthdays, thankfully. We’re there to work and socialising even with close work friends is done outside work.

You’re an HR incident waiting to happen and you’ll never progress up the career ladder while you’re like this.

Heck, I don’t hug my best friends every day if I’m staying or holidaying with them - in greeting and farewell yes, as I won’t see them in person for some time, but not every day while I’m with them! AND we’re very close. The only person who gets a hug every day is DH!

I'd have avoided you tbh in work... You seem totally ott in your hugs etc....Sorry.

The only people I have ever wanted a hug from are my mum, dad, husband, and kids. Sometimes don’t even really want to hug my kids when they’re snotty or gross. A colleague hugging me daily would be a fucking nightmare.

Hugs and pranks at work sounds awful and an HR issue waiting to happen.

Maybe they work in the Weasley twins' joke shop?

It sounds too much even to me, and I am more heart-on-sleeve than most Mumsnetters.

I am lucky enough to work with one of my best friends (genuinely think of her like family) and we do hugely at work sometimes, but not every day. A few colleagues hugged me when I came back recently after a long leave for stress/depression following bereavement - but that was context-apecific.

And I would only buy birthday gifts for REALLY close friends. If you were that close to these guys, you would know, they would be contacting you out of work etc.

It doesn't sound like either of them think of you as a really close friend, so it's probably time to match their energy.

If you are straight, and single, there is also the possibility one or both of them thinks you are attracted to them? This would cross my mind if a colleague hugged me daily and wanted to buy me gifts even though we weren't super close.....

Do you like them in that way?

When do you do any work in between all this checking in, hugging and playing pranks?

I doubt it, men tend not to complain about this, just subtly put a stop to it. And with no complaints company is unlikely to act.

I’m struggling with the ops behaviour but more so she asked rhe younger one if she made him uncomfortable, she’d know he’d not want to say yes, so she just wanted validation, and then decided to play games see if they’d come to her, even though she knew they didn’t initiate, they didn’t behave rhe same way back and clearly didn’t want this level of relationship they didn’t even want to say their birthdays to ensure she didn’t buy them anything else.

I give them hugs everyday

Wtf?

This cant be real, surely someone who works with all of you would have told you how inappropriate your behaviour was by now?!

I would back off. They're work colleagues, not friends and you've only known them a year. The thing is, they work with you so they're obliged to be pleasant and friendly towards you whether they like you or not. Don't translate their normal friendliness as them feeling emotionally close to you. Give them some space.

Back off. This is completely inappropriate behaviour for work. Be more professional and save the non-professional behaviour for out of work.

This sounds fake.

Please don’t compound the issue by being all weird and ignoring them or playing games. Be polite, happy, friendly. Bur stop,pranking them, hugging them,buying them gifts, getting too personal etc. it’s not ok,

I can’t work out how to vote, you’re very unreasonable in your behaviour. But not unreasonable to back off.

this is bad op, you’ve overstepped and tried to force a friendship , irrelvant of their feelings. The other people you call their friends, are not, they are work colleagues, and they are having a normal work relationship with.

are you very young and this is your first job? You appear to be treating ir like school. Do you have friends in real life?

This has to be a joke

I hate to repeat what everyone else has been saying, but I think you have been totally OTT in your behaviour. Had a male been this over-friendly towards a female, wanting to know her birthday, buying presents etc , he could have found himself in trouble. It's inappropriate behaviour for a work place.

I think these are just your work colleagues and you are possible reading too much into them being "workplace friendly". It's nice to work with people you get along with well, but it doesn't make them friends.