I can’t cope with DD2s constant complaining anymore

Because people struggling with mental health often benefit from talking therapy. What would you suggest?

I love how she blames you for her Dad's 'ugliness' and lack of EU passport.

If she thinks her sister is so damn pretty it's not your genes at fault is it?

Tell her to take up such grievances with her because if you are only 50% responsible for her genes and passport, and blaming you for picking the wrong man is ridiculous as she wouldn't exist. And whilst she's at it to stop being so sexist.

If she's so damn desperate to go around Europe, does she have good language skills? What opinions has she looked at for going and having an overseas adventure or has she just been sitting on her arse complaining rather than looking for opportunities post 18. She can still go abroad to live if she wants. She's just getting in the excuses early about why she can't be bothered to put in the effort.

Absolutely call her bluff. Tell her to go live with ugly dad and complain to him about his shitty passport cos you are bored of hearing her petty jealousy and think her biggest issue is her attitude.

How would she react if her brother called her horrible names? If her sister called her fat? Her dad said she was ugly?

Whilst it would be tempting to call her bluff and send her to her dad’s I think it sounds like she needs support. Has she got a plan for her future, something to look forward to after A levels? I know with mine that made a big difference to their confidence, gradually working towards something. It took some of the uncertainty and worry away. I would be trying to steer her away from looks being the be all and end all by creating life plans with her. Let her know she matters.

She can't genuinely be blaming you, unless she believes that, given her looks and her lack of a EU passport, she'd be better off never having been born. In any case, no one knew in 2002 that the UK wouldn't be in the EU - and if they had, her dad would be just as much to blame for not having her with a woman from a(nother) EU country that was a better bet to stay in. I'd just ignore most of that patter, or tell her blame won't change things and she would be better off figuring out constructive ways she can get what she wants (change her looks, prepare for a career that her live anywhere, campaign to rejoin the EU, whatever).

Otherwise, it sounds like she's lashing out out at everyone close to her and the fact that it's you most of all may just mean that she thinks you're the one person who she can't push away no matter what. But if she won't tell you what's wrong and won't get help your options are limited.

It sounds like her dad is easygoing and probably genuinely doesn't care about her comments on his looks, but does he not care that she's being foul to her brother (who I assume is also his son)? I'd be inclined to let her try living with her dad for a while; she's old enough to choose where she lives and it would at least benefit your son.

Have you posted before, about how your mother favours your eldest daughter and that has caused issues with your younger children, particularly your younger daughter?

Reassure her that you love her and want to help her but tespect her wish to go and live with her Dad next time she throws that at you. If she's at Dad's, you and your poor DS can have some respite.
She can come back when she's prepared to conform to your house rules around not being a massive dick, talking through her problems like an adult and being civil to the other people in the house.

Let her go stay with her dad.
Why not ?
Maybe she won't notice how ugly he is ...
Whether or not
Then it's his problem

Are you in counselling?

She’s obviously comparing herself very negatively to her older sister. Hence the green eyed monster and perhaps this is also fuelling her meanness towards her brother. In any case, she could do with bolstering as well as some consequences for bad behaviour. Taking about her as a person and her individuality in a positive way and steering her away from discussions around looks.

Jess Christ, tell her enough with the fucking pity party!
Tell her she isn’t ugly but her attitude towards you and her family sure as hell is, and it’s no longer going to be tolerated.

Behave like a whiny brat, get treated like a whiny brat. She has absolutely NOTHING to complain about, very few 17 year olds have high self esteem, tell her to get a grip on herself FFS.

or when you have discussions do a yes no type of questions and answers

@Bingbangbongbosh you could say yes if you were born with a different farther you would be a completely different person too

On a side note, it can't be helping that nowadays teens are virtually forced to see their reflection, or flaws as many will perceive them, on a daily basis whether they want to or not. No wonder some girls are spiralling, turning in on themselves and lashing out. What to do about it though 😔

If you asked her why she is so unhappy, what would she say?

It's tempting to dismiss teens as just stupid or ungrateful or hormonal, and yes they are basically children in nearly adult bodies, but very often they do actually have a legitimate grievance and they act out because they don't have a coping mechanism for it, being so young, or the adults don't want to listen or take it seriously. Not saying that's what's happening here, but it's possible, and we'll never know if rhe default is "just fuck her off, she's only a teenager, nothing she feels matters".

she Sounds deeply unhappy and insecure. People do compare themselves to other people, especially same sex siblings. If your oldest is attractive, looks like she has her life in order and has the big benefit of free movement in Europe then I can see why she’d be annoyed/ jealous - whether it’s logical or not. There’s not a lot she can do about some of those things but there’s lots she can control. Focus on those things and maybe try and get her support.

Let her go and live with her ugly Dad.

Because some people do need it. You have no idea what people on here have been through in their lives. It's bizarre that you would just assume people on here aren't in need of it at times. Counselling or Therapy is a valid resource.

I can see how this teen comes across but your generalisation of counselling and who needs it is riddiculous

Of course. Can you see any similarities?

Some of this is normal teen.
messy room - meh.
she is obviously quite unhappy though.

i’d be inclined to try to keep dd2 and DS separate if she keeps being nasty to him - I suspect he doesn’t spend much time with her anyway if she’s coming out with that sort of stuff.

I’d be inclined to listen to her and just say that you’ll support her in her goals - don’t give solutions just say that you want her to be happy as an adult and you’ll do what you can to help be achieve her goals.

tends to refocus towards positive action but teens can whinge for England

I doubt she does "let" her, but she does it anyway.

Can you not see any difference between the two situations?

Flippin heck, I wouldn't tolerate behaviour like that from a 7 year old. At 17 she would be getting my size 8 up her backside!
We are all unhappy at times, it doesn't give us a free pass to behave like a complete arsehole at home.
I would sit her down and talk to her, tell her she improves (talks to you and siblings with respect, cleans her cesspit of a room, generally becomes pleasant to be around) or she will be going to 'ugly' dad's and staying there.
If no improvement within a week off to dad's she goes.

Crazy the number of posters saying to kick this 17yo out, but on the thread about the mum who was pregnant to baby no. 6 and the 17yo lived with his dad, she had abandoned him and was a terrible mother.