To decline 24 month health check with HV?

And you are too sensitive for questions about your dc's health and wellbeing.

How are you going to advocate for your dc in the future? With nursery, pre school, school, doctors, teachers, others? It's called being grown up and a parent.

Do you have social anxiety? It is really odd and not so healthy for your family to be so closed of to engaging with the usual agencies as a parent.

I find your posts really entitled too. Why should you book a special appointment with a Gp when that check up is supposed to be provided a designated HCP?

You don't feel like breastfeeding (no judgement) you don't feel like seeing the health visitor for your dc's check up yet you expect an important resource to just be given to you.

You are a taker imo.

I understand you didn’t like her way but I don’t see that she did a single thing wrong (aside from the CMPA but you will be surprised at how commonly missed that is) Now it seems you are being obstructive for no reason. So what if she told you to read the red book? So what if she looked around the house? Asking in a ‘baby’ (soft) voice about your child’s father is to try and save women and children who are needing help. She isn’t judging you or your partner she is merely asking because if she doesn’t and things are missed we are the first to start shouting about how awful it is. I just told mine the truth about my life and circumstances, and was more than happy for her to take a look around. These actions save lives. Literally.

i can’t quite work out why you want to refuse an appointment for a child who you have concerns about and has no input from any professionals on his life, not even nursery. That is a massive red flag
and the very behaviour that makes them judge you.

Go to your GP if you have a concern, they can do a referral.

While you may find some of their questioning intrusive, they ask these questions for good reason. If there are social or mental health issues within the family it is really important that these are known about so that appropriate support and safeguarding can be put in place. I know it feels patronising and intrusive to you, as you know that your child is growing up in a safe and healthy environment. But there are too many children living in dysfunctional and even dangerous home environments, whose parents will opt out of health visiting to avoid any scrutiny, and if health visitors only ever responded with “Ok, no prob, we’ll never contact you again” then these children would be in danger. That’s why they can be a bit persistent. They are trying to figure out if your children are going to be safe, healthy and properly looked after in the absence of any external oversight, before they let them disappear off of their radar. If you’re a good, competent parent then try to remind yourself that this isn’t about/ for you really. It’s for the kids in unsafe/unhealthy environments who must not be allowed to slip through the cracks just because their parents have opted out.

I'm in the same situation (although my son is only 17 months at the moment). The 12 month check was done at 11 months and he scored low in most areas because he wasn't walking and talking at that point. I've had horrendous PND and it caused a major relapse in my mental health, as I felt that he (and by extension me) were being written off as failures. The worst part was when I asked what support was available they told me there was nothing! It was literally a case of 'we'll tell you everything's wrong and get you worried but won't actually do anything or offer any help.'

I was being seen by the Perinatal Mental Health team at that point and they thought that having the check was a mistake. I'm aware that the 2 year one is different though as I think there is help available at that point?

My son is doing fairly well now, but his communication is still behind (although nursery have no concerns). I do think based on this we probably should have the two year check but I'm torn because of my experience last time.

You might be able to request a different HV maybe? I'm also going to see if I can push the check a bit later, as I think having the 12 month one a month early wasn't helpful at all.

My kids are teens now but the health visitor with mine was useless. I’m sorry you’ve had such a negative experience.

Wholeheartedly agree with this, despite finding these encounters generally patronising and the HVs often unhelpful.

I deliver safeguarding training to social care staff, and the number of times a serious case review highlights a lack of questions being asked of parents who don't engage with services is so incredibly frustrating and saddening. You don't have to engage, but professionals should ask why because if they have concern for a child, it needs to be taken seriously. If your child is safe, this is inconvenient. If your child isn't safe, this is potentially life-saving.

I feel if there’s something on the developmental check that’s worrying you and he has no professionals with child development understanding involved in his life at all then I’d be tempted to attend.

Is the thing you’re worried about something the GP could help with?

To be honest I think your updates change things. It's your first child, he isn't in childcare (so no contact with any other professionals), and you have a concern. I'd go to the check.

Is it developmental or medical?

I didn't have bad experiences but have come to take everything they say with a pinch of salt.

I would go, but if you don't have any specific concerns you can be confident and don't let them belittle you. For example, I had to tick off a list of words that my 2yo could use, but it was such an arbitrary list and he could say many many more words than were listed. Then she totted up the scores and was like ooh he's a bit on the low end for communication. I wasn't having any of it, just because he wasn't talking specifically about juice and school doesn't mean he couldn't communicate.

She also got on my case about potty training, which again I was like we have a plan in place and will be tackling it shortly. No need to engage further than that.

I didn't get anything useful from the appointment, but I am glad I went so that had there been any real issues they could have been caught.

What do you want the alternative to be?

Lots of people opt out when it’s nothing to do with prior experiences, just not wanting the faff or a stranger intruding. These may be chaotic families who do absolutely need a check in.

do want them to go “no problem you know your bubz, your bubba your rules hun xox’

It’s basic bloody safeguarding

this is a developmental check. If you want to opt out they, need to ask why.

GP isn’t going to do it for you

FWIW I also had a fucking odd patronising health visitor, but I just asked for another one and reported back that I felt talked down to.

Being a parent is a series of weird interventions with other adults, you need to learn to advocate for yourself without being defensive or taking it personally

Another reason to go is to have it on file that you did. If your child has an accident and ends up in a&e and they're suspicious (as they always are with small children) your non-attendance could come against you in terms of them involving social services. I know this for a fact from someone who works in this field.

You can request a different HV, or you can opt out completely. If you decide to opt out the HV might follow up your request as HVs are one of the first frontline workers to be questioned if a child dies. This explains why they can be quite persistent.

I’m sorry you had a bad experience. HVs are registered nurses who have completed a course to qualify as a HV.

Tell them to piss right off which is what I did have after letting two utter cows into our home! It’s not compulsory and a load of bollocks, sorry to be blunt but I can’t stand them!

I'd go if I were you. It leads to appointments with physios, speech therapists etc. if things aren't on track and early intervention is really important. I hate these appointments too but I suck it up in my child's best interests.

Does your child go to childcare at all? It is mandatory for nurseries / childminders to complete a 2 year review so you could just ask them if they have any concerns.

Yes I second the advice to just check the questionnaire yourself just to check you’re happy.

It’s not mandatory and I am confident about assessing my own 24 month’s development — plus preschool would flag any concerns — so I happily declined the 24 month check. I just called the general HV service and said I didn’t want the appointment they had scheduled for me and to please remove me from the service. It is NOT mandatory. I found her so rude and patronising at the 12 month check I knew I wouldn’t see the HV again. With my second baby I plan to have the 8 week check as they’re so vulnerable at that age and need weighing etc but will probably decline future checks.

The gp won't be equipped or trained to do it. I just recently had mine. It's all puzzles, flash cards and baby dolls. Apart from height and weight it's not medical at all. A developmental psychologist could prob do it but they're very expensive.

I'd be surprised if the GP would do it as it's not a medical check (apart from weight I guess), it's to check their development. You can opt out if you want (I did with my youngest) but I'd download the ages and stages form and check it all yourself. Then if you have any specific concerns you can seek advice.