To decline 24 month health check with HV?

I declined HV input to my twins when they were harassing me to book twins in for 3 month checks when they were chronologically 3 months old but, given their prematurity and corrected dates, were only 7 weeks an the HV would not accept that allowances had to be made for prematurity and twins should have been assessed based on their EDD not their actual DOB. Then, when she assessed them she decided they were way behind their expected milestones - based on age not EDD!!

I got sent their 2 year review paperwork but simply told the HV team that I didn’t want their support; that I had not interacted with their team since the twins were 3 months old due to their intrusive interaction with us and so had no need of their
input. I’ve heard nothing from them since then and twins are now 6 1/2 years old!

An issue was picked up and referred on at our 24 month check that I probably wouldn't have got checked out myself for fear of wasting time. I had wondered if it was normal, but the HV took it seriously.

I don't know if it's because I'm in a city but I had different HV for both DC, different staff to baby clinics and post birth midwives and different for the 2 year check. Barely saw the same person twice!

So for that reason I'd go.

If you feel that you have no concerns I would just decline tbh.

I've had crap ones consistently with all 3 kids. My first I ended up throwing out because she kept harassing me for constant visits under the guise of mental health - her bloody constant weight checks (unneeded) and pushing for more visits were one of the main causes for its decline. I already had another health team involved as my first had a cleft palate so it's not like I was flying under the radar.

My second had his 2 year check last year and I predicted they were going to say he was behind on speech because he didn't know half the words on their tick box sheet. The fact he knew a whole host of words that were not on the sheet was irrelevant apparently. She also looked fresh out of university so I'd love to know what child rearing experience she had.

And with my third I had her 8 week check the day after seeing the GP for her checkup there. The HV decided she knew better than the GP (who I had actually seen previously and had admitted baby to hospital for an Infection at 2 weeks old so was familiar with history) on weight and that she was concerned and I needed to start going to weekly weigh in clinics. Needless to say I did not go and DD is doing just fine with her growth and milestones. I'm going to be declining any further appointments as unless there are any issues it's a waste of time.

Note - these have all been seperate women. With the exception of the HV with my first I have never had appointments with the same person twice.

100 % this
My sister had a right patronising cow of an HV with her 2nd
1st child was in and out if hospital as very unwell (diagnosed whilst sister was pregnant)
Hv breezes in and starts interrogating my sister as to why she isn't EBF ing
Keeps banging on
Sister explains that she has a lot of her plate (and yes husband does his bit)
HV condescendingly says..
Oh well you will just have to be busy and breast feed then...
It's just a tick box so trust can get points for promoting BF ing ...
Judgemental cow

So she should go to make sure they don’t think her home is dysfunctional or dangerous?

Or are you suggesting she goes so that she herself can find out if the home or family she’s raising her child in is dysfunctional or dangerous?

You’ve justified the HV service existing, but definitely not her going to it.

I must admit I get conspiracy theory vibes from some of these posts, HV are just doing their job and they have saved many children from abuse, neglect etc and picked up on conditions that if left untreated would have caused problems. They have to ask questions and coming to your house helps pick up on things, they also ask you about your mental health for good reason, they are not trying to catch you out. They don’t care if your house is messy as long as safe for a child to live there. Of course some may sound a bit officious but I suspect it could be as a result of how they are treated. And no it’s not reasonable for you to ask your gp to do a check up, they are not experts in child development, health visitors are. It’s not a big conspiracy it’s to ensure children get a good start in life because unfortunately not all do

They will be concerned that nobody has seen you or baby and something isnt right at home. Whatever they do they cant win if something were wrong they would be slated for not pursuing a situation. Id take your toddler in show them everything is fine and never see them again.

My experience of HV's is that they have been pretty useless and I tend to just ignore their advice and do my own research.

I skipped the 2 year check with my second child as my late husband was terminally ill, I knew she was meeting her milestones and we just... couldn't fit yet another appointment in just to have boxes ticked.

I've had one who was surprised I was still breastfeeding after a year (seriously! This was 15 years ago and I hope attitudes have changed). One who tried to tell me my daughter's excessive dribbling was because she was bottlefed (it isn't... she has adenoid issues and is now under the care of ENT, no thanks to the HV!). One who told me to try controlled crying (I told her no way, even as a young ft mum at 25, I wasn't listening to that). They have generally just been a bit patronising and the advice has been a bit shit.

YANBU OP. Check the milestones lists yourself, seek help if you have concerns. Otherwise it's just a waste of time.

@netballlls honestly, can't you see a different health visitor? I know a lot of them are pretty useless but if you get a good one it makes all the difference.
Our wonderful health visitor was instrumental in early intervention and support for our complex needs child. No issues at 15 months but did 24 month check at 21 months because of our concerns and there were multiple red flags. Will be forever grateful to her.

And some people, like the OP, encounter an officious HV who, rather than being helpful, tries to lie about their service being mandatory and threatening the parents either all sorts of dreadful possibilities of they don’t engage!! And, sadly, there are too many of them around!!

If the HV service was mandatory it would cut out a lot of fuss. Parents would just have to accept it and engage with the service.

Currently HVs spend a lot of time and effort trying to see families. Some are just reluctant to engage because they don’t feel they need the service. Others avoid engaging with any professional because they have something to hide. HVs have no way of knowing who is who. What is known, is that the minute a red flag regarding safeguarding issues is raised, the question “why haven’t they been seen by the HV?” Is asked.

If everyone had to have the service it would be easier to identify the families with something sinister to hide.

28 months is 2 years old.

28 months is the ‘2 year check’

That would enrage me and I would put in a complaint.
I find some HVs love to create a drama.
A HV refused to believe a work colleague was EBF and marched into her kitchen and started pulling cupboards open, looking for baby formula
Officious madam

I used to do these checks and it was standard to book children in for around 27 months. And just to reassure as someone said up thread that theirs was "a month early" - the questionnaires are based on specific age of the child at the time of the check so if your appointment is "ahead" then the age of the questionnaire is adjusted accordingly.

Also agree with the comments about HVs being damned either way - the team I worked in was so overstretched they would probably honestly have loved for a few "bog standard" families to opt out! They don't follow up and check in cos they have nothing else to do, they are absolutely run off their feet with massive caseloads.

A GP won't do the development check - doubt most of them have ever even seen the questionnaire before, let alone administered it.

Actually, in a specialism that is prerry much enforced and where patients can't chose the provider, I think there's an obligation to provide a service where every practitioner is pitch perfect, if the authorities want all mothers to avail themselves of it.

Also, I was perfectly capable of notimg the milestones and my child's progress towards them. If I had concerns I'd have referred them to an appropriately qualified and experienced doctor. I don't think my HV woukd have bovvered with an iota of thoroughness and certainly couldn't comment or think beyond the leaflet.

Totally irrelevant but I'm surprised you get a 2 year check, I phoned to ask for one and got told 12 months then 28 months 😨 huge gap I felt in what is a much harder phase, they were here constantly in the baby days and that was much easier than navigating a toddler lol

I don’t think it’s a terrible idea to have someone neutral (i.e. not you as we all think our DC are perfect!) check they’re meeting milestones. Especially since they’re not in nursery. And they’re your first so you don’t have a point of comparison either. A GP isn’t trained in doing the review so shouldn’t and wouldn’t do it. And it seems like a bit of a waste of time and money to book it with a private paediatrician just because your last HV 2 years ago wasn’t great. It’ll be a totally different person this time and like with any profession you get good ones and bad ones- you wouldn’t avoid seeing the GP because a gruff one 2 years would you?

She misrepresented the HV service when she said it was mandatory in order to scare OP into compliance.

That's a pretty big abuse of power and not going to establish any trust is it?

I'm with the op, except for the expectation that the GP may do the 24 month check.

I had my first 31 years ago when GP's were more reasonably expected to conduct the checks because they commissioned the HV checks. That is no longer the case.

My HV was useless. 23, incompetent and disinterested. She thougjt it appropriate to instruct me to breastfeed but when I asked for help, told me to go the NCT because she wasn't an expert. She was also unable to answer any questions about vaccination and I don't believe knew how to use a wristwatch. She was as patronising as she was incompetent and instructed me to have my baby weighed. I went once, it was filthy and there were no appointments given which is fine if one goes from choice; not from instruction. Add to all that the fact that she was unable to explain to me her role.

There is no legal obligation in the UK to accept the HV service although they have an obligaation to offer it. This is not made transparent and it is disingenuous and wrong because it is set out in statute. I wrote and confirmed my withdrawal from the service, noting the reasons why and copying my GP and the CEO of the providing Trust.

Had I had any concerns about my children's development they woukd have been referred to an appropriate qualified consultant, as they were referred for significant ear issues when the NHS wouldn't refer to ENT and when friends who had children with similar were being told utter codswallop by the local HVs. AFAIWC the HV service was a complete waste of resources and had an HV ever referred to me as "mum" or DH as "dad" they'd have been swiftly reminded of our names.

Vis a vis safeguarding one sees the GP and countless midwives throughout pg and midwives, who take a full clinical and social history could easily flag concerns.

Caveat - I had the confidence to do that because we were not dependent on the NHS and had good, professional jobs and no social concerns whatsoever.

PS - back then the centiles were not described in a manner that was statistically correct.

The lying by the first ones is unacceptable.

However, you’ve moved so won’t it be different ones?

If you’ve got concerns about one of the aspects of the check then you really need to focus on that rather than the HV’s. In many areas, especially speech, early intervention can make a huge difference and the check, is the first step to getting that.

I think it depends on what experience you have. I didn't hesitate or think twice with DS as I'd had a fab one with DD. However a different team at the 2 year check and I was told DS would be overweight starting school. For context he was born off the chart for weight (lovely 10lb before my due date) but by the 2 year check he'd slimmed to just above the 75th centile. These are normal drops and actually nothing to be concerned about generally. I just looked at her stunned whilst me and my DD who are both on the slimmer side of normal BMI sat there. Had I been a first time mum it could have been really difficult to deal with. He's now about to turn 5, an active little boy that still fits nicely in his age 4-5 clothing and now I have to take in the elasticated waist on his school trousers otherwise he flashes his skinny bum to all.

No, you don't have to see a HV, OP. if you can afford it, I'd book a private paediatrician to do the 2 year check. My experience was that they were polite, thorough, on time and you get a whole hour to ask any questions, which they answer fully and with good grace.