Page 6 | Hens still havent paid me back?

MyPurpleHeart · 2026-03-11T08:08:41+00:00

I'm going away on a hen trip for my cousins wedding. When we booked it I paid for the brides share up front with the agreement the hens would pay me their share back. This was 6 months ago. We are a month out and despite me asking a few times, none of the hens have paid me yet. AIBU to ask for this to be paid within the next week? I have expenses for the trip which I was planning to cover with this that I cant yet. For context its around £400

EarthSight · 11/03/2026 14:21

They're taking the piss. If the condition of coming to the event was that they would split the bride's share between everybody (rightly or wrongly), then they had the option of refusing to do this upfront six months ago. Instead, they're taking the sneaky route and seeing if they can get away with not paying it.

You shouldn’t have to keep asking. Twice is more than enough (and this is quite a lot of messages to be sending around to multiple people).

If you have the option, tell everybody that unless they get the money into your account by a certain deadline, that they're not coming. Don't expect them to happy about it, but don't make any exceptions, or you'll never see that money.

Willowmacgregor · 11/03/2026 14:17

MyPurpleHeart · 11/03/2026 09:25

Breathing down their necks? I paid it six months ago and have asked them twice, now 3 times.

We all booked separately, in groups of 2 or 3. All they have paid so far is for themselves. I booked the bride and myself to share a room. We all paid the same rate per person as we all booked at the same time. It was agreed before hand that the brides share would be split evenly, as they have done numerous times before. My cousin has paid her share of the brides costs 2 or 3 times over on similar hen parties.

Whether you agree or disagree with the terms is beside the point. This is what was agreed and they were happy to let me shoulder the cost at the start. Now we are a matter of weeks out and I'm still out of pocket.

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Apologies, I only read your initial post and none of the updates. Totally agree with you if it was mutually agreed with the others. Give a time limit and if not, name and shame!

Rainbowdottie · 11/03/2026 14:07

God that’s awful! It’s £20, it’s just awful not to pay it!

agree that you need to send a group message and individually too. Something along the lines of

hey ladies, this is getting a bit awkward now but I really need that payment from each of you. Please send me the money by x date to x account as we all agreed 👍

TeenLifeMum · 11/03/2026 14:03

RanyaJerodung · 11/03/2026 12:44

Yes, there's nothing wrong with being truthful though, eg "you owe me this money, please pay it" .

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They know this information and have ignored it.

wildfellhall · 11/03/2026 14:02

Thermousse · 11/03/2026 14:01

YANBU but I’m disappointed this isn’t about chickens being absolute piss taking free loaders.

🤣

moonstarsuns · 11/03/2026 14:01

Good luck

Thermousse · 11/03/2026 14:01

YANBU but I’m disappointed this isn’t about chickens being absolute piss taking free loaders.

PloddingAlong21 · 11/03/2026 13:59

At the end of the week then start direct messaging them to put more pressure on. In a group of 20 you’re easier to ignore.

something like….

”Hi X. Hope you’re well. You may not have seen I requested the payment by the end of this week. I appreciate it isn’t a massive amount individually but collectively I’m out of pocket £400. Could you please transfer me your share today as most others have paid? Thanks so much.”

Faceonthewrongfoot · 11/03/2026 13:49

susiedaisy1912 · 11/03/2026 13:22

I think some aren’t going to pay because they’ve no intention of going now the time drawing close.

Well that would be bonkers considered they've already paid their £400 to attend, and the OP is only asking them to pay £20 each to cover the bride's £400....

OP - hopefully you've had some more payments by now. I second other people's suggestion that you actively start naming people who have paid/not paid. And be very clear that you are seriously out of pocket because nobody has paid you back.

bloomingbonkerz · 11/03/2026 13:40

Tight twats £20 each and they’re hanging on good luck on the hen weekend is all I can say

SummerInSun · 11/03/2026 13:39

Peclet · 11/03/2026 08:13

Hi hens,

looking forward to our trip. Still monies outstanding ….. please pay into this account by Friday. This is the 4th time asking so getting slightly awks- but no payments no trip.

This is perfect. Send this.

Mimzy26 · 11/03/2026 13:37

Too late now but all shoukd be sent upfront people are shit I paid for everything its my wedding my should anyone be out of pocket

Coconutter24 · 11/03/2026 13:37

Willowmacgregor · 11/03/2026 09:19

Perhaps the other hens are feeling silently awkward and resentful that the bride's cousin is breathing down their necks, requesting yet more cash. These days, it seems like many grandiose couples suffering from a severe bout of main character syndrome want nothing short of the clothes off the backs of their friends and families in order to celebrate them signing a legal document.

I really disagree with the notion of the MOH or bride enforcing that the hens must pay the bride's share. The women attending hen parties are often paying hundreds or even thousands for hen do related costs alongside attending the wedding and the associated costs. This is often for activities or organised fun that would certainly not be the choice of the attendees and often at least one night of annual leave.

It is also the norm for couples to request monetary wedding gifts. This is often thinly veiled by "your presence is a present enough" which is often disingenuous as if often follows a request for cash and it is implicit that this is what is expected. It is INCREDIBLY grabby and entitled to expect the hens to cover the bride as well. If the bride really cannot afford her own night out or weekend away, perhaps she should be scaling back on the wedding costs.

Edited

The best way to not have anyone ‘breathing down your neck’ (which OP isn’t doing!!).. is to pay what you owe straight away, not leave someone out of pocket for 6 months

ComedyGuns · 11/03/2026 13:23

Peclet · 11/03/2026 08:13

Hi hens,

looking forward to our trip. Still monies outstanding ….. please pay into this account by Friday. This is the 4th time asking so getting slightly awks- but no payments no trip.

This is good!

susiedaisy1912 · 11/03/2026 13:22

I think some aren’t going to pay because they’ve no intention of going now the time drawing close.

MrsVBS · 11/03/2026 13:19

‘Hi All, this is my fourth time of asking and unfortunately I can’t afford to take the hit of you not paying, please pay by Friday otherwise I’ll have to cancel to get a refund and you’ll have to make your own arrangements’.

jaketeckel · 11/03/2026 13:18

I thought it was to do with eggs and chickens not laying!🤣🤣

Gizzywizzywoo · 11/03/2026 13:10

This is the issue when booking something like this for everyone, when i arranged my eldest daughters hen doo i made sure those who were wanting to do the daytime activitys paid upfront for it then booked it all together, if they still wanted to go and hadnt paid they had to book it themselves
You will be lucky if you see any of this money now sadly

Lovemycat2023 · 11/03/2026 13:09

I suspect because it’s “only” £20 they all think it’s not that big a deal, but of course collectively it is! Start naming and shaming and thanking when people pay

Dogmum74 · 11/03/2026 13:08

Fends · 11/03/2026 12:27

All the “ladies” nonsense, flowery shite and explaining why she needs the money is likely the reason they’ve zoned out. Probably got the chat on mute hence the complete silence last time she asked 😅

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Yea because obviously the better thing is to be really shitty with a bunch of women you are going away with. It’s called passive aggressive. You should learn what that means

pontipinemum · 11/03/2026 13:01

5128gap · 11/03/2026 09:59

You do realise that not everyone sees attending a hen trip as a massive favour to the bride? That many women are delighted at the opportunity for a trip with their mates and think that its more fun than a dinner they could have anytime? That some women are very fond of their soon to be married friends and actually want to treat them, and that not every woman with a group of friends like this is entitled, spolit or demanding? Some are just popular women with like minded friends. (And no, I didn't have an abroad hen, they weren't a thing in 1989 unfortunately.)
The OPs problem here is the women who agreed to pay and are slow to deliver. There's no reason here to have a pop at her cousin.

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I'm one of those! I have a hen in a few weeks and I am beyond looking forward to it, It is in a city I love and haven't been to for ages. I will be with loads of my family. We've a lovely looking restaurant booked. And I won't be Mum I will be just ponti for 2 whole day.

@MyPurpleHeart ye all agreed they are being cheeky. And every hen I have been on we have paid for the bride. I hate that side of it. Press them for it.

'Hi all, we agreed when we booked the hen back in October to pay for Sarah, it is £20 each. I paid up front for her which was £400. I cannot afford to pay that alone. If you are unwilling to pay towards Sarah's cost let me know ASAP as I will need to ask her to pay.

MintDog · 11/03/2026 12:57

Send a reminder and attach a list of who is still to pay. Treat them like children.

SuzieYellow · 11/03/2026 12:52

Hi All, as agreed we’re all paying £X to cover Bride’s costs. Please could I have this amount by Xth March as I need it to pay the final amount, otherwise we can’t go as I don’t have the funds to cover it.”

CocoaTea · 11/03/2026 12:47

Willowmacgregor · 11/03/2026 09:19

Perhaps the other hens are feeling silently awkward and resentful that the bride's cousin is breathing down their necks, requesting yet more cash. These days, it seems like many grandiose couples suffering from a severe bout of main character syndrome want nothing short of the clothes off the backs of their friends and families in order to celebrate them signing a legal document.

I really disagree with the notion of the MOH or bride enforcing that the hens must pay the bride's share. The women attending hen parties are often paying hundreds or even thousands for hen do related costs alongside attending the wedding and the associated costs. This is often for activities or organised fun that would certainly not be the choice of the attendees and often at least one night of annual leave.

It is also the norm for couples to request monetary wedding gifts. This is often thinly veiled by "your presence is a present enough" which is often disingenuous as if often follows a request for cash and it is implicit that this is what is expected. It is INCREDIBLY grabby and entitled to expect the hens to cover the bride as well. If the bride really cannot afford her own night out or weekend away, perhaps she should be scaling back on the wedding costs.

Edited

They voted in a poll expressing their agreement.

OP paid in advance on that basis.

They have had 6 months to express any concerns.

I dont see how you conclude that OP is “breathing down their necks”?

RanyaJerodung · 11/03/2026 12:44

TeenLifeMum · 11/03/2026 12:42

Only because it gives a clear deadline and people pleasers feel more comfortable and confident using that line.

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Yes, there's nothing wrong with being truthful though, eg "you owe me this money, please pay it" .