Hens still havent paid me back?

Are you sure you’ve asked directly? I can’t imagine a group of 20 women who would completely ignore you putting your bank details on a group chat and asking them directly to send £20.

Are you sure you put the correct bank details on?

'Can you please send me £x by xx. I paid upfront so am out of pocket which isn't fair on me. If I don't get the money by xx, I'll have to speak with [the bride] to either ask her to pay her share of the trip or cancel the event all together. Thanks! '

This
And consider informing them ‘no money - no trip details/tickets’ .

Ring them up individually and ask them to send the money straight away, say you now need the money urgently, give your bank details if they haven't got them already, time to be firm. Tell them you will have to get the bride to pay if they don't cough up.

I really disagree with the notion of the MOH or bride enforcing that the hens must pay the bride's share. The women attending hen parties are often paying hundreds or even thousands for hen do related costs alongside attending the wedding and the associated costs. This is often for activities or organised fun that would certainly not be the choice of the attendees and often at least one night of annual leave.

I agree with this, but its not the point here.

I’d message them individually! Much more effective

Name them or message them directly. Half of them are probably convinced they've paid you.

Whilst I agree with your sentiment about the ridiculous culture of paying for expensive hen dos, they shouldn’t have agreed to all chip in an extra £20 if they didn’t want to pay it.

Based on their agreement, the op is now significantly out of pocket - money she wouldn’t have spent if she wasn’t under the impression that she would get it back.

”hi all, you all agreed to pay towards the bride but despite several reminders haven’t done so. I’m not going to be left 400 quid out so will advise bride on the weekend of what she owes based on who pays between now and then.”

It seems odd if none of the 20+ have paid you. I suspect some confusion as to what they had to pay. "Hi hens, looking forward to our trip but… this is awkward but I still haven’t received everyone's contribution to X's costs, which you all agreed to. I can’t afford to pay the £400 myself so please can you all send me the £x you agreed on, asap. Thanks."

I would mention a payment by date… otherwise it’ll have to fall back to the bride having to cover her own cost after all.

Whether the bride should pay for herself or not is irrelevant here as it was agreed that the hens would pay for the bride. You paid ahead for the bride in good faith and it is not your fault if some now wish they hadn't agreed to this.
I would simply send one more text saying this is my final request as the holiday is getting near. Some have not paid you and you can't afford to take the extra on alone. If you don't have the money by (date) you will have to explain to the bride that because some haven't stuck to the agreement you will be informing the bride that she will have to pay for herself.
Just a calm final text then follow through. This isn't your fault op and there's no reason for you to carry the extra amount just because you were kind enough to get the thing paid after it was agreed as a group. Hopefully the embarrassment for them of the bride being told might make them pay up. 💐

I agree with all of this. But these women should have simply not agreed in the first place.

I just don’t go on expensive abroad hen dos. It’s too much money, and often involves annual leave I don’t have spare. So I decline. What I don’t do is agree to pay someone back, and then not do it.

Trip is cancelled because I have no spending money because you all (between you) owe me £400. If you cannot now afford £20 each, then it is a shame you thought you could 6 months ago.

Perhaps the other hens are feeling silently awkward and resentful that the bride's cousin is breathing down their necks, requesting yet more cash. These days, it seems like many grandiose couples suffering from a severe bout of main character syndrome want nothing short of the clothes off the backs of their friends and families in order to celebrate them signing a legal document.

I really disagree with the notion of the MOH or bride enforcing that the hens must pay the bride's share. The women attending hen parties are often paying hundreds or even thousands for hen do related costs alongside attending the wedding and the associated costs. This is often for activities or organised fun that would certainly not be the choice of the attendees and often at least one night of annual leave.

It is also the norm for couples to request monetary wedding gifts. This is often thinly veiled by "your presence is a present enough" which is often disingenuous as if often follows a request for cash and it is implicit that this is what is expected. It is INCREDIBLY grabby and entitled to expect the hens to cover the bride as well. If the bride really cannot afford her own night out or weekend away, perhaps she should be scaling back on the wedding costs.

Does your bank account have a function where you can send a request for a specific sum? Mine does - I use it when I’ve bought tickets for a group and just send the link to the group chat. Anyone on the chat just clicks it and pays. PayPal does a similar thing. That way no one has to mess around with account numbers and sort codes.

I agree with suggestions PPs have made that you say you’ll have to ask the bride for the money instead.

Did they all book and pay for their own amounts, and agreed to pay you for the bride’s? Or have they already paid their amount to someone who did the whole group booking, and now have to pay you for the bride? If the latter, that might be causing the confusion?

I would draft a message saying you are still owed £400 😭 and individually list them
Jane smith £20
Donna jones £20
etc etc

Please pay me as soon as possible because I am £400 down 😭😭😭

You are not getting their attention, because to them it’s just £20. You need some action, by really pointing it out to them.

Keep doing it until payment is received in full. Obviously delete the ones that do pay from the list.

First of all, give them a deadline on the group chat “please could everyone pay me their £20 by Friday at the latest as I’m still £400 out of pocket”.

Next, issue daily reminders on the group chat, short and simple:
“Sarah, Lauren, Sophie and Sian I’m still waiting for your money, please could you transfer today, thanks to those who have paid.”

Repeat every single day until they’re embarrassed and get the message that you’re not going to let it go.

so I help run the subs for a local kids football club. There is about 25 kids I have to collect subs for. Every month I send a message out that’s says

“for those who haven’t transfered money yet can you please send it by tomorrow” normally none of them have sent it but this looks like some have an might the guilt the others and then you’ll get it

or when I organised my SIL hen and had none payers. I sent a message saying

“I put the money on my credit card on the assumption it would be paid back before the interest started. Well the interest is starting next months and if you haven’t paid me back you’ll have to pay towards the interest too” I soon got the money

That's simply not fair. Really twatty if that's the case. What's poor OP supposed to do, just fund everyone? (not having a go at you, I agree this is likely the case, just, where does that leave the poor OP?)

I would speak to the bride and see if she will cover her cost. People agreed to it, but obviously dont want to and its not on you

My mum paid my cost for my hen, not my friends

Tell them that! In strident terms

Does everyone realise they owe the money? Presumably they've all made the payment for their own costs. Did they assume that the amount they were originally asked for included their contribution to the Bride's costs? It seems odd to bill the two amounts separately.

If we'd agreed to cover the Bride's share and the organiser told me the amount for my share of the Hen was say, £431, I wouldn't then expect an extra bill for £20. I'd be ignoring messages about amounts oustanding, because I'd think I'd already paid as I'd have paid the full amount of my share as calculated and asked for by the organiser, so would think I had nothing left outstanding.