It’s a DH one.. feeling resentful

Why do men "help" with the housework? They should be contributing, not helping. Pisses me right off this piss wet attitude.

Don't call it "helping" with the housework. Housework isn't your job only; it's HIS house and his family too, he should be doing a fair share whether working outside the home or not. And since you are working such long hours he should be doing more. As someone who was applying for jobs within the last year, yes it's a drag but it's a couple of hours work a day maximum. You make a basic personal statement and then change it to fit the criteria of each listing. And yes I did manage to apply for those jobs while doing the majority of housework and childcare, because my husband worked full-time.

So just agree with him.

Yes, training the dog will tire you out, sorry.
But the benefits will relieve stress and far outweigh the effort.

Suggest that he also goes for jobs not in his sphere of work - part time or casual. His good work ethic will look good on his resume.

Prospective employers hate that it’s very obvious what it is and will probably be binned

Was just going to say something like this. Your dh should definitely be doing the lion’s share, but if a sahm can expect not to have to do it all then nor should your dh.

This seems v unfair OP. What is the industry and is it likely to change? We are now 4 months later and a number of sectors are struggling.
I’d be asking the following questions to figure out what’s next-
Can he get any other (part time) work to cover some of the bills etc? Does he need to consider retraining or moving into a different sector? How do you both balance the work, housework and rest together and for each other? What does the next month look like? The next three?

Oh dear god.

The whole point is that he isn’t doing anything.

A stay at home parent is working… doing the parenting.

Hes a lazy bastard.

Maybe it’s different in different industries but where I work, “Has this letter been written by Chat GPT” is a first-level filter for removing applicants from the stack.

That said, writing a tailored version of your existing cover letter is not very hard and it sounds like the husband should be doing a lot more housework.

I’m not excusing your husband’s behaviour
but on another current thread pretty much every post says that a SAHM shouldn’t have to do all the chores because she’s at home. Almost every comment state it doesn’t matter how hard the father is working, he should still do half of all household chores
so why is it different when it’s the man at home?
I think you are right to be resentful op, but it seems nobody thinks this when a woman is at home, even when the kids are in full time school

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting/5501503-would-you-be-a-sahp?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

And this is why it’s actually easier being a solo parent.

I work in HR consultancy. I've seen a gazillion covering letters. Whilst it is true, each needs to be tailored but anyone with a brain has the basis of the letter/supporting statement and just adapts it slightly according to the spec they're matching against. It's a very quick job. He is taking the piss.

My DH is currently not working, since end of December ( he does now have a job lined up for April).

Since his last day at work, I have not stepped in a supermarket, cooked a single meal, picked up a mop, done bath time or done any solo childcare (except bedtime, toddler will currently only fall asleep for me).

Sorry but I'm male. Probably much older than your DH. Retired 2 years ago. Wife works part time, sees a lot of her elderly mum and is involved in a charity...so I took over the cleaning, I already cooked. Wife does the shopping as it ties in with her charity.

What is your extra child doing with his life?

Btw I also have a part time job for an undertaker which means I'm often out for a couple hours a day.

Yeah that’s really bad. My DH lost his job at a similar time and he had a new one by December, thankfully. He has already started looking because he knew th writing was on the wall but there is often some warning, did you DH not have any clue? Definitely get him speeding up these applications, there’s copilot and ChatGPT which are soooo helpful. Can then adapt a bit from there. Seriously though he now has a huge gap on his cv and things are going to get harder. Can he not leverage any contacts, does he have a linked in? Can he expand his search further afield, different industries? Since he is doing barely anything all day by the sounds of it surely he could get a part time job at least eg coffee shop, tesco, care work or teaching assistant, building site?!
He needs to be focused eg 10-2 full time in job search and the rest of the day he should be looking after the house, your dog and doing school runs to help out and stop being such a burden on the home. He can then do more applications and such during the evening after he’s made dinner and tidied up. My DH also did a fair bit of exercise which I was happy enough with because he needed a boost to his mental health.

It’s absolutely baffling that someone would treat anyone like this, let alone their alleged loved one, and the other person just puts up with it.

What the absolute fuck op?

I mean seriously, if you’re doing umpteen hours at work , surely it’s blindingly obvious that he should be doing all the housework, and the childcare whilst you’re at work.

how on earth did you end up having a baby with someone so clearly selfish and lazy?

I mean, it’s demoralising, but it’s not tiring - there’s no actual reason he can’t pick up the slack since you’re compensating work wise.

….. or he could get any job that comes along in the meantime. There’s always agency work.

At this point he should’ve contacted an agency and took on ANY work going. There’s nothing more off putting than a work shy lazy sack of 💩

I only said her jobs because he doesn’t care if they get done and she does. That’s all!

He needs to do ANYTHING to get an income going. driver Uber in the evenings while he's looking for a permanent solution, anything! It's really unfair to put the entire financial burden on you and I'm shocked he hasn't bothered to do this already.

Has he tried to pick up some casual work at least, while looking for something more long term.

If this was me I would do anything - dog walking, babysitting, cleaning, bar work.... To being at least some money in.

And meantime the home would be spotless.

But strangely, then men I have cohabited with in the past never saw things the same way.

Which is the reason I now live alone! And won't cohabit again until my partner discovers a different attitude towards housework/finances - I love him very much, great bloke in loads of ways and great to spend time with, but I'm not his mom, and not prepared to care for him full time as if I were!

Previous partners have been just the same too. To me it's inexplicable!

No advice OP, but much sympathy.

They’re not her jobs though. They are the joint jobs of two adults who both live in the same house with their joint children.

He isn’t doing her a favour by doing these jobs. They’re his to do as well and if she’s working crazy hours to try and keep their families heads above water he should be doing more than his usual share of household and child based duties.

It’s going on 4mths, time to stop this only jobs his industry , any job, even part time in a warehouse.
What is the lazy get doing all day, you should have a pristine house and a perfect pup!!

I said this on a thread yesterday. He’s not going to get a job when you’re enabling him, is he? Funny how you can hold down multiple roles and he can’t get one. He’s a net negative on your life. Goodbye to him. You’ve got an amazing work ethic, make it work for you!

I have been told I am quite amusing. Thanks lovey. 😘