It’s a DH one.. feeling resentful

If the industry he works in isn’t recruiting he needs to look elsewhere, even if it’s only temporary until he finds something in his own line of work. He’s been out of work since November because he’s too rigid in his job search and at this point the priority should be taking some of the load off you.

He's fallen into the trap of the less you do the less you can be bothered to do. He also probably hates that you're the one doing the thing he thinks is his job and the thing he prefers (earning money) and would rather do nothing than pick up domestics.
I'm not sure why he is struggling so much with getting a job. Because there is work if you're not picky (which after 4 months unemployment he shouldn't be). He needs to sign on with an agency and take what's offered while he looks for something in his field. That would mean you could drop a job at least. Tbh if he wasn't prepared to do that, I'd be reviewing the marriage.

What even is the point of this ridiculous man child?

Chat GPT can write his cover letters.

YABU for saying "He is helping with the housework more now at least. "
Why should he be helping? He should be doing his share,

But at this stage he should be doing any paid job to help out. Supermarket, delivery driver etc. Whilst he continues to look for a job in his industry he should be earning in any job so you are not dping multiple jobs. I am sure your multiple jobs arent all your dream career are they?

Looking for a job is mentally draining, so thats one more reason he needs to throw himself at physical action around the house.
Eyrolling not on.

I have some sympathy for him but..... Tailoring his CV etc takes time but he still should have time to engage in home and family activities. He really needs to get himself organised.

Being more involved is likely to take his mind off being unemployed - I understand that mentally it can be tiring so he really shouldn't dwell on it.

Sorry, but fck that! The man is unemployed. He needs to do ALL housework, childcare, dogcare whatever until he finds a job. No 50/50 here when she's currently the bread winner. The positive in this is that it builds up a sense of purposed schedule, it forces you out of bed. When you get unemployed and start to slack, lazy time quickly becomes a habit - and habits are hard to break. He needs to force himself to finish all tasks each day to build purpose and motivation. Then it will turn into auto-pilot, and probably get him to make more efforts to find a job too.

Another day another DH not pulling their weight.

Yes, looking for a job is hard. However, he’s home all day!!! Surely he would enjoy getting out and about and doing some training with the dog.

Rather than get annoyed and have an argument could you say you’d like to sit down after kid is in bed and chat through how you’re both feeling? Communication is key in any relationship and doesn’t seem like you’re communicating very effectively right now.

DH needs to get real. I do understand job market is not easy for everyone. He should do 100% of all child caring, cleaning, dog walking and cooking while unemployed. Just tell him this is now HIS duty until he finds a job. And DO NOT do the tasks for him. That's where women go wrong; don't do the work for them. Remember that you teach people how to treat you.

I think you're being way too soft on him. I'm the breadwinner in my house because my DH has severe disabilities. But even with the restrictions he has, he manages to do a fair amount at home while I'm working within the boundaries of what he can actually physically manage, and he's in pain most of the time.

I agree it’s massive row time. There is no way he is putting that kind of hours into a job hunt. Adults who are job hunting still have families who need them.
when he does get a job tell him he works and pulls his weight at home just like you do or he’ll be single and the only one doing his housework and parenting his kids on his contact time.

Lazy entitled twit needs to step up and do his fair share. How can he let you run yourself ragged while he's faffing around and hasn't even managed to get himself any kind of job yet?

He should be thoroughly ashamed of himself.

"You need to do it all"

Read Fair Play by Eve Rodesky or listen to it. Get him to as well. It’s a short read and it’s a system for dividing up domestic labour. It helped my STBXH understand why ‘helping’ with the housework and childcare isn’t the same as working together as equal partners.

You should have equal amounts of time for self care and equal ‘unicorn’ time - time to spend on doing what your each like to individually. So however long he spends gaming, you should have the same amount of time for your hobby. Eves book really clearly shows this and helps you set up a system.

It did make a bit of a difference with my STBXH but he sadly couldn’t manage to regulate himself and stop his regular rages and nastiness.

i don’t think you should stay with him if he doesn’t pull his weight. You’ll burn out. Be honest - what are you getting from the marriage right now? How does it feed or benefit you?

Op has stopped reading - another lazy sod - when they act like this its best single - its disgusting. We are not superwomen -

If he's not working then he needs to be doing absolutely everything in the house and for the kids. Why are you doing it on top of work?!
If his industry is quite niche, why can't he get any old job to tide you over until he finds the job he wants?

I think it's time to lay down the law and have a massive row - yes you're both stressed and tired but he should be doing the lions share of the housework and cooking. Obviously! If he doesn't see that and tried to argue against it I would be genuinely reconsidering the marriage.

He needs to apply for any industry now just to earn.. ask for a mortgage holiday maybe or
He could dedicate 3 hours each morning and evening to writing cover letters and applications so he gas to sit down and do it as a job, with a break in between, then do his home shift!!
Chat gpt can help with bullet points for a cover letter anyway, how hard is it when it's going to be the same industry..
LinkedIn headhunters, reaching out to friends in the industry or other ones surrounding for a referral

Hell he could be delivering pizzas in the evening or Uber driving!!!

The usual response is that they should have equal leisure time or that it’s 50:50 when both parents are at home. If he’s chilling out all day (and in the evening?) then he’s taking the piss.

Why do you use the word ‘help’?

He’s not ‘helping’

You can just tweak it after

But he can step up and do more around the house and not work as lots of SAHP dont have jobs hence the name

It’s been 5 months now. If he hasn’t had so much as an interview he’s not taking job hunting seriously. Unless he’s looking after preschool kids he has plenty of time to do an application or two a day, and stay on top of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry. That’s what a SAHP does.

How much do you both actually need to do and how miuch have you decided needs to be done?

And why the need to have a such a big party?