It’s a DH one.. feeling resentful

YANBU but sounds like he’s getting away with it.

Why are you doing all the house work whilst multiple jobs to keep the finances afloat… he should be doing the house work and a lot of the childcare whilst he is looking for work.

I completely agree.
A couple of hours a day to look for jobs, research the role, tailor a CV, submit applications etc. But when your partner is working multiple jobs to keep your house afloat and taking on the mental load of the home and kids, this man has gotta buck up.

Taking the dog out for 20-30 minutes would actually be good for him too to step away from the computer. He can throw the washing machine on, take the dog out, come back and bung the washing on the line / clothes horse / dryer and have his lunch.
Prep the dinner for the evening and then do another 2hours of job hunting.

Even something that small every day would lighten the load when the OP has to come home and face into it.

@BudgetBuster , it doesn't but it's hard to be disciplined when you have no work.
If you apply for any job, you won't get anything.

Ideally, the DH would have a structured day with a routine.
Something like a working day,e.g.

Shower, walk dog, breakfast, take kids to school, back home.
Desk, apply for jobs,
Do some housework & have lunch break,
Apply for jobs, fetch kids.
So a bit more work.
Clock off.
Spend evening with family.

Reality is probably far more feeling hopeless, having all day to get it done, etc and the longer that goes on the worse it gets.

No, it doesn't.

When the firm I was working for went kaput during Covid, I would get up at 8am, make coffee, and be at my desk for 9am.

I'd spend the morning either looking for roles, or applying for the ones I'd found the previous day.

By the time I found the role I'm doing now, I'd applied for over 100 jobs. Sometimes it's just a numbers game.

But I agree - that left afternoons and weekends free. That's certainly time he should be using to lighten the load on her.

It doesn't take 24hrs a day, 7 days a week, for 4 months...

Looking for a job is a job in itself.

I get that he could - and should - be doing more, but the idea that he should be doing everything in the house is probably unrealistic.

Scouring jobsites, tailoring CVs and cover letters, filling in online applications... all this stuff takes time.

He's being a lazy entitled prick. How does he think people working full time ever find another job? They fit it around their lives not make it a full time bloody job and if finances are tight, he needs to get over himself and just get a job. Any job but bring in some money working in a supermarket if need be but get off your arse and do something.
Honestly this really gets my goat as my best mate's is living this shit - her husband has been out of work for10 months after being made redundant from a VERY IMPORTANT JOB meanwhile she's still running herself ragged doing everything and working FT as his full time job is job hunting. WTF. He hadn't been with his firm long so redundancy wasn't massive and they are now feeling the pinch and yet he still won't lower himself to get something that isn't 'right' or 'in his industry' and hasn't picked up any slack at home as 'he'll be out of the house again soon so there's no point changing anything'.

Raise the bar ladies and stop allowing this men to check out of family life whilst they are working let alone whilst they're not!

so true about the op not coming back because she can’t bear to read the responses.

there are far too many women whose sense of self worth is non existent, and bar for men so low, that them simply existing in the same house renders the woman ‘happy’.

I would love to see more done in schools to get the the message through to girls that they are equal to boys, because something is going wrong somewhere to have so many women thinking being treated like this is in any way acceptable.

I think the easiest way to understand it is to reverse the roles.
op/others who also think they’re second to men - imagine if you lost your job. Would your partner be working all hours, still organising birthday parties, and coming home grateful to you if you so much as did ‘his’ dishes? No, right? Not a fucking chance. Your house would be spotless, he’d come home to a nice meal in your efforts to show how grateful you are to him keeping you all financially afloat.
so - WHY - do you think men should have a much lower standard/expectation? Why?

Because it is quite draining to apply for jobs and the chances of getting a job for which you have no experience or aptitude is low.

The DH might have applied for several job then get a filler job from which he might need to take time off for interviews and would leave as soon as he got a better offer.

The problem is that OP is carrying the load while it looks like the DH is doing not much and getting depressed/low.

Stop being a martyr.

You are a complete mug and he is a selfish, lazy loser.
He knows you are a mug too.

It really isn't normal to tolerate this.
You have a lazy waster living off you.
Give your head a wobble.
Be glad you only have one child with this loser.

Time to rethink running yourself and your health into the ground for him.

He has a total fool made of you.

He's living the life of Riley.... your doing rhe majority of the house stuff so he doesn't feel the need to and being basically shit!!
I would of lost my mind by now, you need to be firm and straight to the point. He needs to get a job to bridge the gap, even in a supermarket is better than mooching around the house doing naff all.
Good luck

I don't understand why so many men insist on only applying for jobs they WANT. Get a job while applying for the jobs you want. It's not fucking rocket science. Bring SOME money in. There are jobs, just not jobs people want.

He should be doing everything round the house whole you're working multiple jobs to keep a roof over his head. Yeah he lost a job, tough shit, you don't have time to mope mate.

What a prick!! writing covering letters and sending in a CV is not hard. He needs to be doing 100% of the housework and childcare when he is at home, with split responsibility when you are there!! How lazy is he!! I am angry for you, he needs a rocket up his arse.

As another poster said you are nowhere near angry enough!!!

My DH was made redundant 4 years ago, couldn’t get a job. Went to an agency after a week and just did anything- he was warehousing, got his fork lift truck license and did that, worked doing picking and packing- anything to make sure he was working and bringing in money. He got a job after 3 months, is still there and loves it!! We don’t live in an area where theres loads of jobs - you just have to take whats out there sometimes.

He should be doing ALL the housework, cooking and sorting your dc out, not just ‘helping’. In your shoes OP I’d down tools with anything house related and simply concentrate on work.

I presume when he was working, you did the lions share of housework and sorting despite working yourself? The fact he's done a little more housework he probably feels like he's stepping up now, despite being wide off the mark! He sounds lazy and that he's starting to get too comfortable.

I would be talking to him about this and also how long he is to stay looking for a job in his sector. Sometimes people need to get any job they can, while applying for their specialist jobs when so thin on the ground. In this market, any job right now is a good job to have.

What everyone else has said.

None of this is your fault or you being remotely unreasonable.

I'm raging for you OP.

You're not annoyed enough. You're working 7 days a week. He needs to take on the mental load so you aren't 'asking' him to do things. He needs to be responsible for things, which includes knowing that they need to be done.

I listened to a podcast recently with a divorce attorney (maybe it was Triggernometry?) who said that the two biggest guarantees of divorce was the death of a child, and a man losing his job.

The first one is completely understandable.

However, the second one is interesting. He said that it’s not because of some masculine idea of the husband being the provider, but it’s actually because of how men behave when they’re unemployed and ’looking for a job’. Gaming, doing nothing around the house, getting snappy with their wives, many start drinking and gambling. The wife reaches breaking point, not because she wants his income, but because of how he behaves during this season.

It sounds like this is what’s happening with your DH, OP. I’m so sorry. Sounds like it’s ultimatum time. Previous posters have given some good advice.

I totally get that writing cover letters and searching must be exhausting, but he is surely only doing that for a few hours a day, most likely not every day until the job market is absolutely booming. So yes, he is stressed and likely a bit depressed, but for both of your sakes he needs to find some oomph to keep things ticking along. Training the dog, ensuring the house is maintained, taking care of the kids, these are all helpful things that would help him feel accomplished and rebuild his confidence. You're not unreasonable at all OP.

I think it depends on if he’s actually a full-time parent to the small child while OP is working extremely long hours or if their child/ children attend nursery/ childcare/ school and he’s staying at home alone doing nothing in this time. I’m a SAHP to a baby and toddler and there’s some things I just can’t get done in the house no matter how hard I try, plus I do find it tiring and need a break just as much as my husband who works outside the home.

If you're financially supporting him while he's out of work, then he needs to show you some gratitude and respect. Honestly, OP, you're wearing yourself into the ground - would he be doing this for you?

The person who doesn't do paid work - whomever it is should do the majority of the housework/cleaning/shopping/pets/childcare. Parenting should still be a joint enterprise - school runs, take to activities, care for them when the other partner has hobby time.
The end.
I cant believe that your husband hasn't stepped up and you've allowed this to happen.
I'm presuming that when he did have a job he did nothing either?