To tell PIL NO SWEETS

My in laws give them loads of crap I wouldn’t and it’s a bit annoying but they give us free childcare at the end of the day. I generally say I would prefer them to have cakes/chocolate/biccies over actual sweets, and they’re happy with that, but I know the get the odd sweetie as well. You need to compromise on these things imo, especially if you want the help.

My own mother on the other hand (the woman who NEVER allowed us to have sweets) is a fucking menace for treats. I tried to pinch one of DDs sweeties and she told me off… so I can’t have them, but they can. I’ll never get over that one.

I think you need more conviction in your instructions to them. They aren’t trying to choke your child, and
obviously don’t feel the sweets are unsafe (I’m not saying they are right), so you saying oh I’m a little
nervous about chocking from that particular sweet makes you sound a bit wet, they’ll still just go for haribo. I don’t mean this as harsh as it may come across written down, but you are the adult here, say what you mean - you don’t want them having sweets or chocolate, so tell them that clearly without room for interpretation. The way you are doing it leaves so much wriggle room for them thinking you are being silly, and you being annoyed no matter what they do. I realise they may ignore you anyway, but I’d still just be clear and direct about your boundaries for your kids.

Personally I let the grandparents give sweets, it’s not like it’s every day, but if that’s not what works for you don’t be afraid of it.

That sounds horrible and not a great choice for their ages !
we used to say no sweets but they could have a treat if chocolate buttons or similar from grandparents

I think in this instance if they bring sweets every time then regardless of the tantrum which may ensue you need to start setting the expectation that they go in the cupboard to be eaten later.

Any grandparent worth their salt would not be offended if you mention little chocolate bars are better for the kids and appreciated more than the sweets.

I was sat in a Dr's waiting room once with my almost three year old son. An elderly lady was talking to son, she unwrapped a large hard sweet, and handed it to him. I took it away and gave it back, explaining he was too young to have such a large sweet. She took the huff, saying 'well he will never get used to them if you dont let him try them'.

I agree. Just mention in conversation that you would rather the kiddos have chocolate over sweets because you worry about choking. It will come across so much better rather than texting.

I would just say thank you- let’s put them in the sweet pot for after lunch 🤷🏻‍♀️
And then after lunch steer the children to the chocolate. Then reinforce the positive (to the grandparents!!) DGC loved the chocolates especially, thank you. A chocolate after lunch reminds the of you now….

Preventing your child from choking isn’t a hill you’d die on.

Do they have any foods local to them that you could direct them to? My MIL used to turn up with gingerbread men from her local cafe which the kids loved.

I struggle to see why sweets would put them off meals but chocolate won’t

I wouldn't send it. I would message them the next time they are coming over to say, that you would prefer they didn't give the kids sweets right before lunchtime as it DC won't settle and eat lunch. It will be a nice treat with their pudding. DC really love smarties right now if they see them. Preferably get your husband to send it.

And I would step in and remove the sweets if handed out against your wishes. They've raised their own kids already. Nana forgot - we eat sweets after lunch/naptime/whenever

Nip it in the bud now before they turn up at Easter with their own body weight in crap sweets.

It can also be handy to have some sweets stashed away so you can swap out anything truly dodgy for an alternative. Smarties were my go to as they don't melt as quickly as buttons.

Totally agree with you on sweets - but not the communication style. Texts automatically read badly when setting boundaries, and give people something to ruminate over. Dropped in to a call or in person catch up is better.

Second, it's your DP who should communicate it. Otherwise you'll be branded the nightmare DIL & ignored.

Agree - don't message. Talk to them yourself or if they're a bit prickly, get your other half to talk to them.

Does your husband agree with you? It's harder if not.

Yeah this. Mine are 4 & 2 and sweet treats are put straight in the cupboard with the promise of one after dinner.

I really think a conversation is better than a written message.

Getting something in writing automatically comes across as heavy handed to me.

Well then tell them they can have their sweets after dinner.

This is something parents have done since forever 😳

Absolutely they should respect your wishes. I have young nieces and nephews (much younger than my own children) and I fully respect that their parents don’t want them to have chocolate etc yet. Even if they were happy, I would choose not to give them haribo/skittles etc due to choking

You have a point on the pop ones to be fair. My 8 year old nephew almost chocked on those as you have to bite and suck the plastic. Silly design really.

the others I would just chill a bit.

Agreed

Not Haribo though, they are just awful.