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Original poster

To be concerned my husband is taking a step back in his career

112 replies

EdgyCrow · 10/03/2026 12:30

My husband is a senior commercial manager on a huge infrastructure project. He works extremely hard and always has (working until midnight multiple times a week and frequently on weekends). He earns a good salary but over the last 6 months has started to absolutely hate his job, is so stressed/angry and feels its far too much work.
He started talking about wanting to take a step back and have someone appointed above him. This made me nervous wondering if he'd be pushed out. He reached out to his boss who was very supportive who said they really valued him and thought he was doing a great boss but they would put someone in above him if that what he wanted. The next couple of weeks he continued to be very stressed and overworked and was so miserable. Today they are starting g the transition for someone to come in above him and im just so anxious about how it will play out. Has he talked himself out of a job? He says he is relieved and looking forward to not doing the management side. They haven't mentioned a pay cut but im worried that might happen? I feel guilty that I haven't been more supportive of him protecting his well being but have been preoccupied with what the financial impact will be in these expensive times!
For what its worth, we live below our means and do have surplus money each month so could technically afford a drop but have big plans for the money for our future.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 10/03/2026 12:41

EdgyCrow · 10/03/2026 12:40

Sorry I do work, I am a teacher 4 days a week and carry most of the family load (2 primary aged kids) has he has always worked very hard.
I think because in teaching stepping down would not really be an option (as a role obvs you could reduce hours) it feels weird to me and im scared he'll eventually be pushed out.

He is calm and relieved and the impact on our family if he is happier would be huge! Im frustrated with myself that money is such a prominent concern but life is so expensive, voluntarily reducing income feels temporarily scary.

We are in a comfortable financial situation and can absorb some costs of a financial hit. By goals I just mean, retirement etc.

If your DH does step back could he share more of the children / household load?

Enyastar · 10/03/2026 12:40

Why do i have a feeling that your concern is based upon money and not his career.

Original poster
EdgyCrow · 10/03/2026 12:40

Sorry I do work, I am a teacher 4 days a week and carry most of the family load (2 primary aged kids) has he has always worked very hard.
I think because in teaching stepping down would not really be an option (as a role obvs you could reduce hours) it feels weird to me and im scared he'll eventually be pushed out.

He is calm and relieved and the impact on our family if he is happier would be huge! Im frustrated with myself that money is such a prominent concern but life is so expensive, voluntarily reducing income feels temporarily scary.

We are in a comfortable financial situation and can absorb some costs of a financial hit. By goals I just mean, retirement etc.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 10/03/2026 12:39

I think you need to have a conversation about the financials and the big plans, and what a realistic medium - long term plan looks like and what can be put on the back burner for the sake of his health. There’s no good having e.g. a big house if your DH is stressed and making himself unwell trying to fund it, and your relationship a lifestyles therefore also suffer as a result. It sounds as though he’s recognised his breaking point and taken steps before he reaches it.

If the pressures of this company and role are high, would a similar and similarly-paying job elsewhere be something he can explore? Sometimes it’s not just the job itself which creates stress but the work environment and culture.

Hoolieghoul · 10/03/2026 12:38

It sounds like he has taken important and proactive steps about his mental health before he totally burns out or reaches crisis point. He clearly couldn't keep going as he was.

Maybe this will result in a different turn to his career, but that's better than a breakdown.

Midnights68 · 10/03/2026 12:37

Difficult to say if you’re being unreasonable or not but I think you need to be supportive of his wellbeing and foremost. Let’s face it, you’d be in a much worse position if he became too unwell (mentally or physically) to work at all.

rubyslippers · 10/03/2026 12:37

Do you work? Having a job like this which sucks the very life force out of you is incredibly harmful short and long term (mental and physical health)
id be absolutely supporting your DH to make some significant changes to his working life

NewYearNewMee · 10/03/2026 12:36

You’ll be in a worse financial position if he burns out and has to quit entirely or totally ruins his mental health!

It doesn’t sound like he’s talking himself out of a job, it sounds like he’s been going above and beyond and working beyond his job role (at least in terms of time!) and his work have also been able to seen that and bring someone in. If they didn’t see his point they wouldn’t have agreed and brought someone in!

If you’re really worried about the financial position, are you able to jump up and earn some more?

WulyJmpr · 10/03/2026 12:36

He should aim for a personally sustainable job, not one he could die of stress from...

Could you pick up some slack financially?

WorstPaceScenario · 10/03/2026 12:35

It's hard to know how this will impact on your quality of life without knowing all of the ins and outs, but if it helps then I can tell you that my husband choosing to drop down a grade and me going part time has improved our lives immeasurably. He works in finance and spent a lot of time in London (we are elsewhere in the UK), so was away form home a lot. Stepping down a grade has - with the added impact of Covid on their travel policy - almost completely negated his overnight travel and he is at home far more. To be fair, we could afford the changes in the first place and although we're not swimming in money day to day, we don't have debt beyond a small mortgage, and we have decent pensions etc.

Walkden · 10/03/2026 12:34

Difficult to say if you are being unreasonable without knowing if you also work a similarly stressful job and or bring in similar earnings.

Sounds like his job is/ was making him ill

pinkyredrose · 10/03/2026 12:34

I'd be more concerned about his mental health than his career. Job stress is the worst, it affects every part of your life. He could end up too ill to work if he keeps going the way he is.

You need to support him. What 'big plans' for the future do you have? Do you work?

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