To be concerned my husband is taking a step back in his career

"Sorry I do work, I am a teacher 4 days a week and carry most of the family load"

Seems a bit harsh to say you worry about the financial impact of his decision when you only work 4 days so are not maximising your income either.

Perhaps you could go back up to a 5 day timetable to mitigate some of the lost income?

Mate... That doesn't happen. 😆

It’s absolutely miserable grinding away in a job like that if you don’t love it. You’ve got used to having extra income to squirrel away but presumably could make a few cut backs in order to still be able to save a bit?

He sounds really sensible and no doubt has good employment prospects outside of this role of it came to that.

Commercial managers in construction/major works/infrastructure etc. are worth their absolute weight in gold, I work in recruitment in this industry and they are by far the most difficult to fill roles. There's absolutely no chance his employer would let him go, he has done the right thing to take a step back and I doubt they will reduce his pay massively (possibly a small decrease although I actually doubt it). It sounds like he was doing the job of 2 people and now he can just do 1.

I think you should be proud of him for recognising he's approaching a crisis point before it's happened. It's really hard for people whose identities are tied up with work to recognise that before it's too late, or to try to ignore their feelings and work even harder.

Whatever the outcome of this is, it'll be easier than having to support him if he'd been incapacitated by burnout.

I'd be certain a pay cut would happen. It wouldn't be very fair if it didn't. But his happiness and work life balance ultimately must be taken into consideration.

He does need to be open with you about where it leaves you as a family financially. As any sacrifices would either need to his alone or agreed on.

I suppose you have to ask yourself…”do I want to be a widow?”

If you don’t, then do what we all have to do…live according to your means. Cut back. Try being self sufficient.

A happy husband is a far better alternative to a dead one.

I dont understand people who are willing to live 40yrs of misery just to secure a good pension. Yes I know its important but so is living life NOW. Hes clearly over worked and stressed to the max. And your worried about a pension which is decades off. It honestly baffles me.

You should make him quit and support him for a while.

Do not underestimate the impact of stress on every part of your health - mental and physical. What he was doing was unsustainable and should never have really got to that level.

Good for him to recognising this and making the changes. You just need to be supportive now. If he steps down a bit maybe he could help you out more at home.

He could maybe think about a sideways move and then working his way up in a different industry where the hours aren’t so long and there’s less stress.

As others say, I think he has made a really sensible and in some ways brave decision. A lot of people wouldn’t be able to accept they need to make a change due to pride, fear etc. working until midnight several times a week is crazy and so so unhealthy, especially if you have some financial buffer. totally normal to also have concerns about the future but as you have recognised, supporting him in this decision and approaching as a team makes sense. Hope his work life improves

@EdgyCrow your financial situation and future will be a lot worse if he has a total breakdown. Friend's husband is now in his 13th month of being totally dependent upon her, intervention from mental health, suicide attempts, complete paranoia, now sectioned and having ECT treatment. Totally out of the blue, never had a MH issue in his life, then a load of stress factors hit all at once. She says she feels like she will now be his carer for life. So in light of that, a salary cut is a small sacrifice to protect his MH.

Of course he can step down. There is nothing to give you worry as his boss says he is valued and they have agreed to his proposal. You are projecting your feelings onto his situation and kindly schools aren't the same as the business world (not saying better or worse just not the same). It's happening (and quickly which is good) so why are you worrying now.

Yes, you should have been more supportive in the same way you would expect your OH to be of you. He is struggling and you are thinking of yourself. He has found a solution and made it happen with no detriment to you or the family.

Sorry OP but I think you are being unreasonable.

Mental health takes precedence over financial concerns imo.

If you have genuine (perhaps unfounded) worries, get them out visually. Budget on a spreadsheet. If there is actually nothing to be concerned about, you can look back at your spreadsheet budget for reassurance whenever you feel a panic coming on

Thank goodness he’s taken steps to protect his health- wise man.

In your shoes I’d be very relieved but you do seem rather more preoccupied with thinking about money.

As others have asked: what are YOUR plans for getting that money together for the future plans? You can earn it, yes?

I applaud your husband for recognising that he can’t go on working as he does. I’m sure it’s not a decision he made lightly. I know everyone lives according to their means, but you can’t put a price on mental health.

Working til midnight and most of the weekends is no life, especially with young children....they need their dad and it's positive he has recognised the need to make a change for the better.

Health before wealth.

His mental health is far more important than his career. It sounds like you're more concerned about maybe losing a bit of income. YABU.

I suppose my question to you would be what's your alternative suggestion? Clearly he cannot carry on as he is without having a breakdown/leaving the job altogether so this seems a sensible proposal on his part if it's this or quitting.

Framing it as "should I worry about this?" isn't a very useful way to think about it, you have a problem and need to deal with it as a partnership, you should be actively considering what will work best for your family without compromising his mental health entirely.

As someone who has just seen a friend lose her husband in his early 50s to a sudden and fatal heart attack, I would encourage a balance of future financial planning with current wellbeing. I'm not suggesting a "fuck it, we'll survive somehow" approach, just something moderate which balances health and future wealth.

If you have primary-aged DC then retirement doesn’t need to be your main focus right now. Yes, making some plans is important, but you can’t sacrifice decades of good health and wellbeing now. He has plenty of time to move his career in a different direction if he needs to without it affecting retirement.