To be concerned my husband is taking a step back in his career

What sort of company does he work for? I'm in a fts 250 company that is restructuring and I have applied for voluntary redundancy. It might sound mental but things are toxic at the moment, I can't explain what it feels like to love going to work and then hate it in a matter of months. I would be more than happy to take my payout and get a lower paid job.

I would really encourage your husband to go with his gut feeling, it sounds like he is being listened too and he really needs the break. Going to work is always made out to be a chore but some people love it or have no choice but to try and love it.

He was headed for burnout. He's done the right thing in the short term. He can re assess further down the line and maybe look for a job elsewhere. Yes, he has taken a step back but it's not necessarily a permanent thing.

This is actually sad to read. DH and I met somewhere we worked those hours and we both left. We are fine financially but frankly far less wealthy than we would have been had we stayed but at what cost?

Also he really is not that well paid to be working like that.

He works extremely hard and always has (working until midnight multiple times a week and frequently on weekends)

His employer needs taking to task here - no-one should be working those sort of hours.

I work in a similar field and people are pushed very hard. It sounds like its a two person job.
Well done him for asking for support

My dh didn't and had burnout and almost 2 years off work. Now part time

I work in the same field, long hours without overtime payment is the norm. Not saying it's right, it's just how construction is. But if he's in that position, I doubt his salary will be cut if he does take a step down. There's a real shortage, and it would cost them more to get a replacement. Graduates are starting at £35,000 just now.

OP none of us no how long we've got and your DH slogging his guts out in a stressful job is no way to live. As long as you've got a roof over your heads and the basics covered then good mental health and quality of life have got to take precedence. Your post comes across as selfish.

I was diagnosed with cancer out of the blue recently and it's been a real wake up call to appreciate life. Our household income is half of yours in far less stressful jobs but DH and I are already planning for him to reduce his hours so we can send more time together and make the most of life.

I don't see where the OP says she contacted her DH's boss? That would be out of line for sure.

He works extremely hard and always has (working until midnight multiple times a week and frequently on weekends)

that's not a sustainable way to work. I would be worried he has no work/life balance. Money isn't everything, your health should come first.

He has done the right thing. Mine retired really early, we had factored him in going at 60 but he left at 56 as he was getting stress related eczema and not sleeping well by that point so that was bye to 70k PA. He was thoroughly miserable in his job by then, the whole sector is under stress and now it’s getting to compulsory redundancies and he would have had to be involved with that and he is just not the type to cope with people being upset.

I actually turned down promotion many years ago and DH was fully supportive. It’s not like you are on the breadline is it.

When a work friend left the firm had to hire 4 additional staff to cover what she was doing.

He was working brutal hours for that salary. I might work til midnight once a month on average not a couple of times a week (senior role in Big 4).

There are a lot of other major infra projects on the go - he may have options elsewhere too depending on where you live if this reset doesn’t work out.

Mental health comes first - what’s the alternative OP? He continues as he is and eventually has a breakdown?

From experience my Dad had a very high powered job - CEO for a large company. Very long hours, lots of travel and he eventually became a functioning alcoholic. It wasn’t unusual to go my parents and he would have a G&T at 10am. I wish he had taken a step back earlier and worked on himself. He eventually took a step down at 61 - he actually had made some mistakes and he was forced to. He died at 63.

As a teacher, you will have seen the impact of work stress, surely? Debilitating.
Good on your husband for making such a sensibly career decision.

Unusual senario: You're a teacher and you have a partner who actually works longer hours than you, yet you of all people, cannot see how crippling this must be.

He earns more than you, so must be in a very senior position within his company and you had the audacity to contact his boss about him.

Your behaviour and attitude are shocking.

Despite your protestations, you are treating him like a cash cow.

I feel you need to re-examine your relationship dynamic. I'm all for the woman calling the shots: we are wiser and more efficient than men, but you are exploiting your role as matriarch.

TBH OP it sounds like his company has taken the right action to prevent a good and valued employee leave in terms of employing another person to do the second job he’s been shouldering.

That really doesn’t happen very often, generally they’re quite happy to let you fall over and then wonder why/get cross when you leave. I reckon a pay cut isn’t on the cards.

One job I had they were quite happy for me to burn out, leave and then replace me with 3 people.

A work colleague family man with primary aged kids dropped dead in his kitchen at 42 a heart attack after months of crazy work hours and stress.

This post has to be rage bait. A joint income of £150k , masses of savings and saving each month, and you are worried how you will cope with a ( not even happening) drop in income? How do you think the 97% of the UK households manage who earn less than that?

Care so little for your husband that you rather he is hardly home, is miserable and works himself to ill health or early death than you have a slightly less luxurious retirement?

I’ve been on MN for about 14 years and I have never said this before, but Jesus Christ I hope he leaves you and finds someone better.

I’d say good for him but, if he’s the type who works stupid hours then that inclination won’t necessarily go away with a step down I’d suggest. It can be driven by your personality type - so he needs to keep a firm grip on that.

Not sure what you mean about teachers not stepping back - surely all kinds of roles involve stepping back? Think how many teachers leave teaching! because of the pressure. And I know of teachers who have deliberately gone into less ddemanding roles or dropped hours - or turned down senior management roles

It sounds as if your husband is well respected and behaved in a mature and sensible way

I do understand as my own husband walked away from a job that was making him unhappy and it has been financially difficult but - we only get one life!

you don't want him on his death bed miserable about the years he wasted so unhappy

I'm a teacher too and I have done what your husband has done- been in middle management and stepped down from it, in the same school too. The relief was immense and I would never ever go back to it - the money is not worth the stress at all.

If he’s only on double what a teacher doing 4 days is receiving then he’s being incredibly poorly paid for the working expectation.
It’s sounds like he wouldn’t even be coming close to minimum wage for the amount of hours he’s doing.

If you work 4 days and he just earns double it’s actually much more worthwhile than you think for him to drop a day and you to work one more, particularly around those salary markers. It’s more tax efficient, it would likely put him back into the child benefit threshold.

You would probably be financially better off with you working an additional day and him reducing to 4.

The question is whether you would do this, because despite your husbands state, you do seem to be somewhat against this on principal.