How long is acceptable to be off work

Or in teaching. For a grandparent it would be one day off, without pay.
For my Mum I got 3 days, my Dad 2. Partly because the funerals were 400 miles away.

I always think the 'at manager's discretion' is very dodgy legally. It opens up the possibility of discrimination or unfair/different treatment where people have different managers in the same organisation.

It depends on employer and circumstances. It can even vary depending on line manager. When my dad died on a Wednesday I was called on the Friday and told I was expected to be in on the Monday. When my father in law died, they told me to take at least a week. Same organisation, different reporting line.

What I think is reasonable and what an employer allows are two different things.

My old work place policy was something along the lines of there is no policy as grief impacts people differently. People took off what they needed to and nobody took the piss, talked about what each other had off etc.

I would say one day and one day for the funeral.

My boss generously gave me two days plus the day of the funeral when my mother died fairly recently.

People who work in large structured organisations with all the benefits and sick/compassionate/parental leave entitlements enshrined in a contract have no idea what it's like for the average Joe or Josephine in small businesses in the private sector.

It's just a wellbeing check. If all else - check the company policy on compassionate leave.

Day of death and funeral

3 days bereavement leave for a close family member is standard as far as I know.

1day for the funeral I would say. Unless grandparent was like a parent.

For grandparents it’s nothing at my place of work. The day of the funeral would be allowed and if the person was very close to their grandparent then they would treat it as normal compassionate leave which is 5 days max (unless it’s a child), but no more than that, and that would be very rare.

Your husband has in effect had 4 days compassionate leave (I know the weekends don’t count, but if he’s had the Monday off, he is saying he was too distraught to go in after already dealing with it for 3 days prior). I would say it’s borderline excessive if he wasn’t overly close, but it’s hard to know that really without being you or your husband.

When my Grandma died, a very beloved grandma, but she wasn't a parent to me or anything. The funeral was a 6 hour drive away assuming the traffic was good. Could easily take 8 hours. So I needed 3 days off. I only had 1 day annual leave left which I used. But my boss (in the NHS) said you only get 1 day special leave so you'll need to be back in the day after the funeral, which would have meant dragging myself, young children and husband on a 6-8 hour drive home late in the evening having just been through the emotion of saying farewell to my grandma. They eventually saw it was a bit mean and let me have 2 days.

That was when I was on the bottom rung of the NHS corporate ladder. I've moved to a different department now, and since learned bosses are much more liberal with time off the higher up the ladder you are! I've known people have a week or more off for all sorts of bereavements!

We get the same. It could be a friend, doesn't have the be a relative. Obviously hardly anyone would actually take it, I've never actually known anyone have more than a day or two.

I don't think you can give a standard response. Everyone has different relationships with their grandparents. Some see them as much as parents, be the closest family, and others a couple of times a year at most. It also can make it difficult for managers to potentially understand a stronger bereavement than they might have. Just try not to overthink it before he has had the meeting, it might just be a check in. But also try not to let him dwell, grandparents of adults have often had a good, long life so remember positively as much as you can. Hope he feels better soon

5 days?!! 5 Days?! That's incredibly generous, where on earth do you work?!

When I worked in local government and a university it was upto a week with pay for an immediate relative -parent/child or sibling. Grandparents etc were not considered "immediate" (unless they had brought you up/were closest kin) so it was usually unpaid leave at the discretion of the manager. I got a week of paid when my father died.

The principal though @Sweetcorn100 s that although it was only 2 days actually off work it spanned the weekend and in effect the OPs DH needed 4 days to come to terms with it as he also took the Monday off.

Whether that was reasonable or not, it depends on how close the DH was to his Grandfather and any other circumstances which there may have been that he also needed the Monday as well. That, we don't know, from the OPs posts.

a couple of days at most

My last full-time employer, where I worked for 18 years, allowed three days compassionate leave for the death of a parent, to include the day of the funeral, none for a grandparent, time off would be unpaid unless booked as holiday.

Funeral only unfortunately

I think got a day off for the funeral.

My Grandad was 94 when he died, I didn’t feel I needed a day off work as I knew he’d had a good life.

I had a few days off when my nan suddenly died, she lived two hours away from us so we needed to go and sort things out, then did the funeral.
My other nan on my mother's side had dementia for years and it was almost a relief when she went, just one special leave day for her funeral.

This would be perfectly acceptable at my work.

A grandparent is considered a "direct relative" and the starting point is 3 days, where 1 is the funeral.

However, it is also line managers discretion so we would be expected to have that conversation, not just not go in. Discretion also can mean more time.

When my Grandma died, I had a day where I did the mad dash across country to her bedside on a Friday. Then she died in the night Sunday night. I did an hour or so handover that day, then had Tuesday off and worked a couple of hours each day for the rest of the week. She was in rented accommodation and we only had a week to clear her flat so we had a lot to sort quite quickly. My boss was clear that he didnt expect me to work that week at all but the balance suited me. I then had a day off for the funeral a few weeks later.

In comparison, when my other Grandma died during covid I took the rest of the day after I got the call and then half a day for the funeral as it was remote. I worked in the morning more as a distraction than anything. This death was more expected though so I'd done some "pre grieving" of sorts.

Sorry for your husband's loss and I hope his work are compassionate.

It very much depends on the situation. I've only taken time off for grandparents so I can travel and attend their funerals. It was very sad each time but they were all elderly, and died from long term conditions, and my parents, aunts and uncles are all very capable normal adults who were able to make arrangements and be present. My employer's very flexible and supportive so if I needed to leave early to help my mum with logistics and arrangements, that was fine. I work from home so when I've found out in the work day in this job I've been able to take a break, go for a walk and get in a better headspace, and my colleagues have been really supportive of me taking the time I need.

When I worked in a place I had to be at in person, I received a call from my best friend's sibling to say she had died (we were in our 30s) and my boss there immediately sent me home and said to take the next day off. Not a relative, but such a shock that she said I needed to look after myself and they could manage without me. I think my inability to talk without crying probably didn't help in my customer facing role! I mention that as an empathetic employer can and should be flexible.

I know people who have been raised by their grandparents who I'd expect to be treated in the same way as someone who loses a parent. I have a friend whose mum and aunt are useless at being grown ups and she was the one who had to do all of the post-death logistics with care, hospitals, funeral director etc and she also needed more time off than many people would need.

The meeting could be about anything though surely?!

Some people where I work would be given six months compassionate leave for this. I would be lucky to get a day off for the funeral, and that would have to be annual leave.