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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How long is acceptable to be off work

314 replies

shortsout · 10/03/2026 11:21

After losing a grandparent?

OP posts:
Jigglypuff33 · 10/03/2026 11:44

I was off for about 3 weeks totoal when my last grandparent died but there was several other things going on at the same time which I could have coped with individually but all coming at once was just too much.
When my other grandparents died i didn't have any time off.

Original poster
shortsout · 10/03/2026 11:44

Dh lost his granddad on Thursday and took Friday off and then had the weekend home anyway, he also took Monday off and went back this morning but his boss has asked for a meeting tomorrow morning and he’s worried it will be about this.
I was wondering if people thought that was reasonable? Or not?
My concern is for his job really.

OP posts:
goz · 10/03/2026 11:41

In most cases you aren’t eligible for any special leavers for this.

Beamur · 10/03/2026 11:39

I was refused compassionate leave when my Mum was dying. Public Sector too.
I doubt you would be entitled to anything. Personally I don't think a day off for the funeral would be unreasonable.

CactusSwoonedEnding · 10/03/2026 11:37

For most professional people with no additional complications, and for a grandparent who was elderly and frail such that the event would have been expected, I would expect a day off on the day of the death (or the day after if it happens late in the day/overnight) and a day (or two if far-distant) for the funeral.

If the grandparent was relatively fit and appeared healthy and the death was unexpected, or if the employee has additional complications to deal with (e.g. a surviving spouse of the deceased who needs significant support) of if the employee is emotionally/mentally vulnerable themself and not robust to weather the storms of the ups and downs that are expected in life, then perhaps a week of paid leave for each with flexibility offered to take additional unpaid leave if needed.

Compassionate leave is tricky - there's no universally accepted "rate table" but in any circumstances if what you offer is perceived by the employee as nowhere near enough, the chances are they will get themselves declared as "sick" through the stress of dealing with the bereavement and then you are obliged to offer your normal Sick Leave terms.

ThirdStorm · 10/03/2026 11:27

I think I'll be devasted when my GPs go, we're very close. But I know that I'll throw myself into work to distract myself and I'll take holiday for the funeral.

Belladog1 · 10/03/2026 11:27

I was allowed a day off for the funeral - nothing more. And I think that was only because she lived / died in Derbyshire and I lived a long way off.

BrownandBlueCarpet · 10/03/2026 11:27

Apfelkuchen · 10/03/2026 11:23

My employer would allow up to 5 days compassionate leave.

For a grandparent?

Most employers only allow compassionate leave for spouses and first degree relatives, unless there are exceptional circumstances.

I had to take annual leave for my grandmother's funeral.

Fishingboatbobbingnight · 10/03/2026 11:26

How can we vote with the question you’ve posed ? You need to pose a scenario and then people can tell you if you are being unreasonable or not .

for example. I have been off work since granny died 3 years ago ? My boss isn’t happy . AIBU ?

or My boss won’t give me time off for granny’s funeral. I lived with her and she bought me up.. AIBU

onedayatatime26 · 10/03/2026 11:26

Just the day for the funeral

GardenGaff · 10/03/2026 11:26

A couple of days, plus a day for the funeral.

Although when I worked in the NHS one of my line managers rinsed it for 6 months with full pay after the death of their grandparent.

SunnyFawn · 10/03/2026 11:24

I think this will vary depending on your employer. I would say possibly a day or so of compassionate leave if you need to provide practical support, for eg to a parent, and a day for the funeral

BrownandBlueCarpet · 10/03/2026 11:23

In most cases, not at all unless they had parental responsibility for you.

Apfelkuchen · 10/03/2026 11:23

My employer would allow up to 5 days compassionate leave.