To think not enough value is put on friendships that aren’t particularly deep?

Agree! There is lots of evidence that having a range of these weaker social ties is really good for mental health.

I've always had a few close friends, but as I've got older I've got much better at making and keeping this type of casual friend, and it's a great joy in my life.

Agree. But if you listened to a lot of people on here nobody would ever make any friends in the first place. I've heard people say you shouldn't be friends with: - work colleagues because it's unprofessional and you spend enough time with them anyway,

• school gate mums because you don't have anything in common with them other than children the same age (which is untrue, presumably you're also a similar age and live in the same area, and often of a similar-ish social/economic status)
• any group of more than 2 women because they are apparently all 'bitchy'
• old school friends because it means you haven't matured as a person and are stuck in the past
• any men, at all, ever, because men and women can never just be friends

oh and apparently any event specifically designed to make friends like MeetUp etc are only for pathetic socially awkward weirdos!

And if despite this you do actually manage to make some friends via approved means, god forbid they then ask you to spend time with them more than one a year, or attend an event that might cost you money, like a hen party or wedding or birthday night out - that's selfish and inconsiderate and ridiculous to expect anyone would ever want to voluntarily leave the house and have fun when they could be 'snuggled up in my PJs with my little family.'

A lot of friendship intimacy and involvement in daily lives is also situational.

One of my more casual friends who I see twice a year probably would be one of my most closest friends if she lived much nearer. Our friendship would have had the time and space to grow there way and likely would have been more deeply enmeshed in our daily lives.

But we met while on a group activity holiday and have always lived hundreds of miles apart so that part of being someone's daily lives is unlikely to ever develop.
But she is great fun, great taste in music and when she visits London, I look forward to a fun and interesting evening together.

YANBU. It took me decades to appreciate the massive value of 'shallow' friendships. Once i did, I enjoyed them far more and stopped stressing that the friendship never deepened. I value casual acquaintance almost as much as close friendship now.

I love the fun, not too deep friendships! People whose company I enjoy and who enjoy mine, but i wouldnt dream of calling them at a random time to trauma dump on them. I agree there can be a funny view here that they are not valid enough. I'd say the contrary, the friendships with people who you can hang out with and have a laugh with are very important indeed, they keep me happy and sane.

There are some funny views about friendship on here.

Some suspicion that all friends are out to use you and you must be permanently on your guard about this.

Or that having friends of your own is somehow frivolous and unnecessary once you have a husband and kids and that only mum friends with suitable children are required or acceptable.

But I agree with you - I have several long standing friendships that involve meeting up twice a year for dinner, catch up and a shared interest (usually a specific band or genre of music). These are still valuable relationships to me - I enjoy their company and our shared interests.

There might be the odd WhatsApp message in between or an Instagram like but not much. And that is totally fine.

I think people who are generally emotionally stable and socially skilled have a range of people in their lives whose company they enjoy, and who they value very much.

The people who expect all their friendships to be intense, enmeshed, ride-or-die affairs are generally a bit full-on and high conflict.