If someone ghosted you during a really dark time, would you tell them how much it hurt when they later resurfaced?

I had some friends who did this when I was going through a very bad time (very very ill loved one). They absolutely knew as I had rung them up and told them. One friend I was at the time very close to sort of disappeared and never contacted me at all. He now sends me the occasional Christmas card, but I have never really got back in touch with him after that, although we occasionally see each other every few years or so at mutual friends’ events. I can’t be very bothered even to chat much with him, to be honest.

Another longstanding friend talked only about herself! She worked five minutes away from me during that whole very difficult time, and didn’t once get in contact or come to see me or bother to ask how I was. Her work was also a short bus ride away from the hospital and she never even bothered to visit (she knew my loved one well too). Thankfully they survived; and then vanishing friend resurfaced wanting to hang out and talk about how her life was so full of problems (and they were annoying colleague at work sort of problems, not visiting one’s loved one in ICU sort of problems!) I could not be bothered with her any more to be honest. So selfish and callous. Some people really are too self-absorbed for their own good.

Now I know that many people struggle to know what to say in situations like that, but honestly, they show their true colours too; and I would not be able to be in contact after that. I’m not sure I would confront them with why - it would bring up the bad time for me in a way that would upset me. But I bet they know very well why you’d drop them without you having to tell them. Some people are just crappy friends.

No second chances.

They wouldn’t be resurfacing in my life at all

They wouldn't be resurfacing anywhere near me.

Don't let them back in. Ignore and move on.

Just ignore. They don’t even deserve an explanation as to why you are no longer interested in a relationship with them

No benefit in telling them. I don't think they would be able to hear it.

I’d drop them like stone.

Oh, I’d tell them in a non-dramatic fashion to shame them and then keep my distance (aka not engage or else constantly be busy)

Why would they return? Don’t let them. They don’t want to be there for the shit times they don’t GET to be there for the good. They made their choices when they rejected you. Know your own worth.

Yeah this happened to me.

i don’t forget. Some of them are family and I haven’t totally cut contact but I’m very aware that they didn’t give a shit about me so it’s easy to say no to them.

When my son died one of friends (of over 30 years) didn't give a shit to be honest. Took her 3 months to ask how I was. We met up.for a coffee but it was all about her.

After that I just cut her out my life, can't forgive, will never forget.

i’d be raging and either tell them straight and walk away or
hint “some people i thought were friends ignored me and left me to suffer alone during that really difficult thing i went through and it really hurt” and let them read between the lines.

that way if they too were having a difficult time and didnt like to burden you with their problems as you had your own then youll hear that from them now.

No. They'll be aware. If they didn't give a shit then, they still won't now, even if you spell it out to them.
The relationship wouldn't be repairable, IMO.

That is a really tough one

If it was me, I would struggle because I feel so furious about it that expressing it would make me feel bad and open up old wounds for me.

If you think it would have the same effect on you, then I would keep quiet. And avoid them if you can. If you can't then I would be civil but frosty.

if you actually address it with them, they'll probably make something up. Or they genuinely won't remember what happened. I have some sympathy for that. I think over the years most of us have been through enough that our memories get warped. But I'm talking about a gap of years and years. You may not be?

If they ghosted you then they didn’t care. Why would they be interested in an explanation of why they hurt you? Wanting to tell them is about making yourself feel better, in the hope they’ll change. They won’t. Stay well away and don’t let them do it again.

I wouldn’t let those people back in. Ever.
If there was no way around having them back in your life and it would be awkward to confront them, I’d be a frosty bitch.
Civil, but they’d know.

They've already shown you their true colours. I believe in forgiving and moving on but I’m not unwise as to forget.

I know life isn’t so cut and dry where you can fully distance yourself from people you wish to but you can set boundaries in place. I don’t think you need a big show down, you just alter your boundaries accordingly to how you’re comfortable. One thing I will say is you can’t expect emotionally immature people to meet you on your level (I think it’s emotionally immature to ghost people). Don’t give them any power by saying how hurt you were. They can’t change it and probably won’t make the effort to even absolve themselves.

Personally I would not spell it out but would definitely not allow them to get close again.
But that's just how I am.

I would just ignore them I think - no response at all.