Boyfriends rage after I asked for help. Aibu?

What worries me is you say you fear the “next few days will be ruined”. If he is making you suffer with silent treatment and moods for days on end then that is emotionally abusive stonewalling as punishment. He is testing whether or not his reaction will stop you asking again- this is controlling.
I know you’ve only just moved in so you might want to see how things go- but don’t forget this moment yet.
I would try and have a reasonable and calm conversation about how you will split the chores fairly now you live together. If you still get this sort of reaction you may want to reconsider your long term plans.

I'm so sorry and I hate to say, but £10k - you got off cheap. Lawyers are at least £250 per hour plus VAT. If dickheads decide to be awkward that racks up a bill very quickly. Representing yourself - although supposedly technically possible - and many on here seem to do OK at that. It's stressful. But no reply from OP - hope she's OK?

I'm hoping you are renting because otherwise it's only getting worse.

He's not 'training' her he's gaslighting and deflecting blame onto her for his laziness and lack of care and she's not his 'assistant' she's his Mum with benefits! 🙄
She needs to get shot of him asap and tell him exactly why she's doing it but preferably while someone else is there, on the phone or by text! 😡
She doesn't say how long they've been together but if this is his behaviour after just moving in I don't want to even imagine how this will develop in not too short a time! 😱

Please read all these responses from people who have experienced what you are right now, I hope you are ok x

You do need to be careful as he is legally entitled to half of the proceeds if you end up selling, or if you want to buy him out he can legally insist of his half of your hard earned deposit. Not saying you need to stay with him, absolutely do not, but just be aware that is now legally entitled to this.

Please please anyone going into a joint tenancy who is putting up most of the deposit, get a tenants in common mortgage and own a higher percentage to reflect the fact you put in more, or have it legally drawn up that if you split, your deposit is returned to you prior to dividing any profit. Unfortunately too late for OP, though some people are decent and recognise that although legally they are entitled to 50% of deposit, they would never demand it.

I hate to say 10 years ago I moved in with my boyfriend, and very similar things happened. I always put it down to my tone, or he had a hard day, or i was expecting alot. Truth was he was a lazy mommy's boy. I put down the deposit on the house, paid 80% of the bills, did all the cooking and cleaning. If things weren't done hed tell his mom and shed pop round and make digs. There were dents in the walls and floors from him chucking things about all the time. My anxiety became unbearable. He even got cross when his "mancave" became my office during lockdown. Foolishly I married him. We moved house again, as I thought maybe we needed a bigger house and a fresh start would help my anxiety. Nope, I redecorated the house top to bottom, paid for a new kitchen and bathroom, still ended up with dents in the walls and floors. I had enough and asked for a divorce. Mommy's boy got half of the house, something he financially didnt deserve and cost me 10k in legal fees as he dragged the divorce out over 2years.
Moral of the story is...if someone shows you who they ate, believe them. Today hes lost his temper over tidying up, tomorrow will be the same

Sorry I have just read your update. This is identical to my boyfriend. Also ex army long term, medical discharge (injury) anger and stress problems that he tries to manage by himself without professional help (in 10 years I've tried to encourage him but to no avail) never any aggression towards me but has thrown things and been snappy when stressed at work.
I definitely think there is an ex-army situation here. I'd try and get help from military support services. I haven't been successful in trying to get mine to engage, but you may have better luck xx

Dump him and run…. Major red flags … go now before it’s too late.

I remember curling up in a ball on the bare floor the day me and my boyfriend moved in together. I thought I'd made a massive mistake. I was just scared of the potential of things falling apart and not having my own space. He was really helpful during this all and helped me calm down and we loved organising our own place together. You should still be in a 'honeymoon' phase two weeks in really.
Is he having a wobble like I did and panicking ? It could be that. Maybe you both need a breather.
Are you close to family nearby or alone ? I didn't have the option to go stay with family, but maybe a night sleepover at a family members might help give breathing space.
It's a massive change moving in together and agree with other posters that you need to make sure behaviours like this don't stick. But I also think that there may be more to it , maybe he is struggling with the change too.
Give it time and see if he apologises.

It's a pity that you didn't ring fence your deposit but there is little you can do about that now and as time goes by that will only get worse. Leave him - maybe try and buy him out if you really like the house and try and get him to be reasonable and respect your deposit (he sounds like a user so not likely but at least when he refuses to let you have your 70% back you will know what a dishonest person he is). Move on with your life. He is using you financially and as his live in housekeeper - were you to have kids this would get 100% worse. He also (a) doesn't respect you ("you got lucky"), (b) is abusive and (c) is lazy. Those characteristics are all deal killers in a relationship.

Cut your losses op and leave the prick

This is exactly what he’s doing. Kicking off so you know better for next time.

Leave. Just leave. Every single reason you posted just underlines you need to end this non relationship. Learn not to care what others think. Some would be horrified I divorced my long time husband over things he said. Not even something he did. Don't care. My life. My instant decision.

You are not over-reacting. Get out of there.

Oh you need to leave op. Get out while you still have the strength. This man will beat you down, you’ll end up trapped, with children, with no shred of self worth left if you stay. You see it time and time again on here, awful abusive men who are with well meaning women who see the best in them and ‘he’s not like it all the time’ and ‘he’s a good dad’. But it’s not ok. This is your chance to get out and get something better for yourself, single life would be 100x better than this crappy excite a relationship.

If your deposit is not ring-fenced, then you need urgent legal advice.

I’d also suggest counselling for you, so you can come to realise what a healthy, balanced relationship loss like. Because this ain’t it.

This! Please get out whilst you can as this won’t get better.

The next time he doesn’t carry his weight and you consider speaking to him about it, you’ll remember this. You’ll remember it made you cry, how long it lasted, the mood in the house. And then you’ll tell yourself you’d rather just do everything yourself because, as horrible as that is, it’s better than the reaction.

That’s why he did it. It works. From his side, he’ll notice it works and repeat it in many future contexts.

He’s also shown himself to be a manipulative nasty shit.

Personally I'd buy him out and move on with your life. He sounds like a child and you sound mature and together. Don't have a baby with him unless this gets sorted out.

Omg you MUST leave him. Sell the house and split the money 70-30 in your favour. Since that was his logic on what you had to contribute.
:)

Please. Please, please don't put up with this.

OP you are in an abusive relationship. You need to get out before he starts to hurt you physically. Because he will.

Nothing else matters - the house, the money, nothing. Get out and save yourself.

OP, I want to ask you a question for you to think about. When he flies off into a rage, does he scare you?

We all lose our temper at times. My DH definitely does. But I have not once, not ever been scared of him. If you are scared of him when he goes into a rage (as you put it) then you need to leave him. You should never be scared of a man you live with.

As a final plea…. the ink is not yet dry on your house purchase, there is probably something that can be done to protect your equity and share of the house if you decided to stay. But you need to act quickly. Please speak to a solicitor asap.

I wish more people realised this.

I was on here in late 2010's begging for advice/help with my abusive ex, and i regularly got my ass handed to me for not uprooting myself and my two kids and leaving immediately.. like it was that simple.

I'd love to tell those people that yes, i got out, in my own time, with my sanity and the kids safety intact... but that it had to be at the right time, not on their timeline.

@LucyLoo1972 I’m saying something along the lines of many others here - this should be the honeymoon period, instead he is belittling her and causing an atmosphere and it turns out there is a history of anger issues. I guess it could get better but if it’s like this in the good times it’s more likely it will be even worse if there are curveballs like money worries, a young baby and sleepless nights etc I have been in a similar relationship and like many others here I wish I had called it a day sooner. Hindsight is great isn’t it?