Boyfriends rage after I asked for help. Aibu?

This 👆 💯 👏

That's not a caring boyfriend, but an immature surrogate son. 😤
He wants a mummy to look after him, not a missus to have a partnership 🤢
Sack him off, as he's done you a favour and showed you his true colours early 😡
@Modernop

If he only works part time is he paying his share of the bills, or are you financing him ongoing as well as having bought a house for him by paying more than twice what he has towards the deposit?

Who has paid for all the stuff moving into a first house needs?

You did nothing wrong. In my experience though, if you wait until you are calm, he is ready to talk and give guys notice to do these things you might get a better response. Guys generally need time to do stuff/change their habits. Most of them are very sensitive to criticism from women too and for them they think it comes out of the blue (it doesn't). They actually want women to be happy and get upset/angry when they're not or if they're not expecting sudden criticism. It feels like an attack. If the guy loves you he will take what you're saying seriously when you talk to him about it and make changes

@wanttoworkbut has absolutely hit the nail on the head here. As you are not in the sort of relationship where partners will actively look for tasks to complete to take the load off the other person, you need to set out a roster. Have a calm discussion about who is going to be responsible for what, set up the roster, and stick to it.

There is something not right and very childish about adults into gaming. This would be enough on its own. He is only interested in himself.

This is him leading into a fully abusive relationship now he thinks you are 'trapped' by the house.

Leave. Get the house on the market. Do not try to 'compromise' because that way leads to more abuse and it will only ever be you doing the 'compromising'.

Well you need to come to some sort of compromise you are both happy with, that’s maintainable for the future. If you can’t then bail as early as you can. Could you manage with a lodger?

There will always be teething problems when two people are learning to live together, but rudeness and disrespect shouldn’t happen.

This does seem a reasonable reading of what you posted OP.

This post nails it OP. The arsehole has shown you his true colours and I doubt this will be a one off.

I would make plans to get out of the relationship before you end up in too deep.

Get out while you still can, this is the honeymoon period if he's like that now imagine what he will be like in 5 years time. Selfish, lazy, prioritises his gaming, doesn't care if you are upset and petulant, does he have any good points?

He works part time yet you do everything and you paid 70% of the mortgage? He saw you coming OP. I’m so sorry.

And you still bought a house with him, and paid almost 3 quarters of it.
When will women learn??!!

Not every criticism is victim blaming. Sometimes people need to take responsibility for decisions they make and accountability for their own actions. Red flags were ignored and now OP is lumbered with this pathetic man baby. She isn’t a victim.

OP, think about whether you think this behaviour is out of character for him. If you recognise there is a pattern of talking to you in an unpleasant way then it’s not going to get better. When you both lived with his mum, did he pull his weight? If the answer is yes there is a pattern to the way he speaks to me, and/or he expected his mum to cater to his every whim and did everything around the house for him, then you need to think carefully about what the future will look like with him and decide whether you’re happy being the person who does everything whilst your partner games and strops.

Never pay more than 50% unless you have it in a signed and witnessed agreement as to the additional %. He’s taking you for a massive ride here - why dudn’t he work afternoons so he could pay his full share? So sorry you’re going through this

You're going to have to buy him out and get a lodger. Not really much else you can do.

You're his new mummy.

This 100%.

Sorry OP, you're not compatible. Get out now.

Jeez if this is supposed the be the "Honeymoon" period?! Get him out now 😔

Ok well in view of this, I think it’s OK to admit that you don’t share priorities. So what do you do about that? I mean, it’s normal for couples to view things like housework and money differently. They’re pretty big topics. So you do need to be able to discuss them and agree how you approach them.

You feel he should spend less of his time relaxing and more time doing house jobs. And you feel that saving instead of going out should be a priority.

He sounds pretty immature to be honest and I suspect he just wants to behave like a man child/teenager and not grow up and be a responsible partner. Do you want to be with someone like that? I married one of these. It was miserable. It made me into a not very nice angry person who became obsessive about cleaning. I blame years of being the default person for all the domestic labour and childcare, while he did his hobbies and socialised. He wouldn’t change. There was nothing I could say or do that would make him be better. I should have left. I didn’t. I wasted half my life with him.

If he can discuss division or labour and saving and you can agree on some shared priorities then maybe it can work. Sadly I suspect he will dig in hard and blame you and belittle you for being a nag, etc. Fine. Just walk away if so, because he won’t get better.

I am not sure, like other posters, why you went ahead and bought a house with this man. He is clearly horrible towards you and that isn't going to change. The fact you saved and put up 70% of the deposit suggests to me he is using you for the money. Did you get this protected in any way when you bought the house?
He was clearly showing you want he was like before if he didn't want to save, and then called you names when you talked to him about this.
I would already be looking for a way out.

Would you put up with this from anyone else? How does he treat his mum? Do women who brought him up do everything for him? If so- there’s no hope, especially if he has such a sense of entitlement. You don’t deserve this.

Sorry l don't understand. What did you mean by not prioritising the light? Was he fitting some ceiling or wall lights or something? .That is quite important and just as important as cleaning l would've thought, so. not excusing at all, but can understand his annoyance at what he was doing considered less important.

Please don't bother trying to change him.
Get rid of him while you still have the chance

assume you have a joint mortgage so not as easy as throwing him out as suggested. I really hope you have protected your deposit OP. Either way, you have a mortgage to pay and assume you’re tied into a fixed rate. Can you afford the mortgage on your own if you bought him out of his share?

Ah yes the death knell for any relationship: bickering over chores.

There are multiple things that jump out at me.

1. your post involves you listing what you have done round the house and how long you’ve worked vs what he has done and how long he worked. This tells me you are already feeling resentment at the way you each prioritise what needs doing and how you each choose to spend your time. There is nothing more insidious than the slow drip of daily resentment if this carries on day to day. This will need addressing.
2. good communication is key. Learning the skills to talk about stuff that’s bothering you. Using language which doesn’t sound passive aggressive or expecting the other to read your mind, etc. Open, honest communication and good listening skills are vital for a healthy relationship.
3. on the issue of prioritisation, he wasn’t wrong to do the lamp per se, it just wasn’t something you felt should’ve been a priority when there were more urgent jobs that needed doing. To give him the benefit of the doubt though, he wasn’t wrong, he just prioritised differently. I suspect that was where his grievance lay. That he tried to do something he thought would be helpful, and he felt you criticised him for it.
4. although it can be common for lazy partners to use “tone” as a deflection when they’re trying to get out of doing something (I speak from experience!), I agree that “can you not…..” isn’t the most helpful way to phrase something in order to get the best out of someone. It does sound critical. A better way is to agree in advance what needs doing. Or to ask directly “could you please do x?” Or just let him get on with the lamp. Yes he’s chosen something which wouldn’t be your choice of thing to be done, but being critical of his choice isn’t going to end well. Address it, or pick your battles. “Can you not…” isn’t going to be helpful in most situations.
5. on this theme, is he generally someone who responds badly to perceived “criticism” though? If so then, get him in the bin pronto! I’ve just come out of a six year relationship with someone who thought everything was criticism. It got to the point where I couldn’t ask the most basic thing (please stop slamming the fridge shut as the door keeps bouncing open and all our food is going off!). So we just had huge amounts of meat and milk thrown away every few days because I couldn’t mention it as he would explode at the “criticism”. This is emotional abuse and if he is like this, then absolutely leave!
6. the slamming and silent treatment: see above. If this is normal behaviour then again, bin! If a one off, then OK maybe it was a bad day. If this is a pattern of behaviour then this will not get better I’m afraid. If there are red flags, you’ve probably subconsciously clocked them and ignored them. Sit yourself down and have an honest look at the relationship. I suspect there are some red flags that you’re busy ignoring..?

It’s time to be honest with yourself. If this is normal behaviour then please get out. If not, then work on better communication and agreeing shared priorities and division of labour. If he’s a good guy then the latter should come naturally. If he’s lazy or an abusive asshole then he will push back and try and blame you or deflect the conversation elsewhere. If he does that, then you know you’ve picked a wrong un. I spent 20 years married to a lazy one and then 6 years with an emotionally abusive one.

Lesson: choose better and do not be afraid to walk away when you know it isn’t right.