Honest opinion - what do you think of parents choosing to have one child?

I know this is a worry of for some people but honestly people don't just live in a bubble with their siblings. I have two siblings, one a twin and I find this concept that we would just spend time sharing our memories all the time bizarre.

My childhood was more than my siblings and even two people growing up in the same household have different memories and experiences growing up. They have different experiences going to school, playing with friends, parties, activities, university, teenage years etc. As they grow older they'll meet more people, have experiences and memories with them to share.

Yes sibling relationships can be important but as seen in articles and as many people have shared here, they have built other meaningful relationships, get support elsewhere and are far from lonely. Your child will be most likely be absolutely fine.

I don't think I am missing the point, though.

You are comparing in-laws with blood relatives as if that's a meaningful comparison - but it isn't. In-laws are people who are related to you by accident of marriage, they aren't people that you've actively chosen to have in your life, and they haven't actively chosen to be in yours.

A much more meaningful comparison would be friends vs siblings, and for most people I know, friends are a more important source of support.

When my friend plotted to leave her abusive husband, she turned to me and two other friends to help her get away safely. Her three siblings were aware off her plans but they weren't involved.

When another friend needed help advocating for her disabled daughter's education, it was me that helped her write the letters and prepare for all the meetings etc. She didn't even bother talking to her sister about it.

When a third friend needed to look after her dying mother, it was me that had her kids to stay with me for a few days, and not their uncles and aunts.

And since my own mum died and I have had to take on caring duties for my elderly dad, it has been my friends who have stepped up to ensure that I get some respite from time to time. My dsis makes all the right noises but she is too busy to actually do anything.

I understand that some people struggle to make friends, and I can see why siblings would perhaps be more important if you don't have good friends in your life, but I really don't think that's the experience of most people.

You're missing the point. Of course a spouse is technically a non blood relative but they weren't referenced in the post I was responding to and I don't think they can be categorised with other non blood relatives in the context of what we are talking about which is where we derive support from as we age. The majority of people's non blood relatives will generally be in laws that simply can't be compared to a spouse. This is why this category is a weird fit for a spouse.

Spouses again are very different category to friends, although we choose both. What we can reasonably expect from a spouse differs greatly from what we can expect from a friend.

Spouses are really in a category of their own. They are life partners. Most of my posts are made in the context of being widowed which happens to a third of women over 60 and half of women over 75.

I am an only child and I do wish I had relations of my generation (siblings or close cousins) to share memories with. However, I have managed to make a couple of close friends (also only children). We didn't grow up together, but I do feel (to some extent) that I can reminisce with them, as their childhood experiences were quite similar to mine.

I have one child. He's now 16. On the primary school run I experienced a fair bit of judgement. I think some people will just find something to judge though! I have a great relationship with him, he talks to me, brings his friends to meet me and we have openly talked to him about him not having siblings. I don't care what other people think, and my reasons/circumstances are none of their business, but hearing him say he wished he had a sibling was painful. However on occasion, especially after visiting his cousins, he says exactly the opposite!

This is my biggest fear as a parent of an only not by choice. I worry and worry about him and who will he have to share memories of growing up with? This is why i wish i could have had another 😢

Well if Google says it, it must be so.

If they say nothing about it, then I have no opinions, really. Because I enjoy having more than one I might think in passing that they’re missing out on some fun, but generally I think it’s none of my business

One's better than none 🤷‍♂️

I'd say (if I gave it ant thought at all) that they're very sensible.

Of course a spouse is a non blood relative. Unless you've married a cousin or something?

If you're talking about in-laws, I don't see the relevance to this thread? Surely the point that people have been making is that they're closer to people who they have chosen to have in their lives than they are to their siblings - in other words, spouse/partner and friends. People don't usually choose their in-laws so they aren't really relevant to the discussion, though of course, some people will develop close relationships with in-laws if they're lucky enough to hit it off with them.

Only just found this thread and wanted to say thank you for saying this. We only have one as I was 40 when I had him. We were in an insecure rental house and not really allowed to have kids but if I hadn't have had him when I did, I would never have had any. So thank god it happened when it did! I could never have another as I was knackered .. we had no help and we couldn't afford it.

Nobody has said this! You have definitely misinterpreted what I suggested and just assumed that I was making an argument you would like to argue against.

The blood relative point was in response to suggestions about other relatives, not your spouse who really is in a completely different category. Not many people would refer to them as a non blood relative. That would be super weird! I think people automatically think of in laws when they hear the term.

'One and done' and 'child free by choice' is extremely common now. It has more or less become the norm. It is certainly unremarkable to have one child.

People have far more judgement/comments on big families in my experience, as that is unusual nowadays.

I thought you did, but maybe I misread. Or perhaps it was someone else.

Regardless, you have repeatedly insisted that people are closest to their blood relatives. Are you now saying that this isn't the case after all?

How is it ignorant? Even if you Google if the phrase is offensive it implies that it can be offensive only because it places an unfair burden on blood ties. Your take of it being some weird jobs about adopted people is really niche. Of course people don't mean it in that context.

Who has suggested that people are genuinely closer to their siblings than their spouse? I haven't seen a single suggestion of this on this thread. Why on earth would you start a poll to try and disprove an argument that hasn't been made?

Most people view their spouse as part of their family unit. It would be very unusual if you didn't.

Unsurprisingly.

Tbh, I'm pretty bemused that anyone might think otherwise. I mean, I do of course understand that some people will be trapped in unhappy marriages or relationships and will therefore have a stronger bond with their siblings than with a partner/spouse, but it's an enormous leap from that scenario to the assumption that most people feel closer to their siblings than they do to the people that they've chosen to spend their lives with. It's a rather sad outlook on life, really.

And I see the responses have gone how I thought!

I was curious, so I took the liberty of doing a very unscientific little survey of my own.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5502681-are-you-closer-to-your-siblings-or-your-spousepartner?reply=151051643

That's certainly my experience, and, thinking of my friends in general, I would say that the ones who are closer to their siblings than their friends are a minority.

The thing is about surveys. You can Google anything to fit your point of view. I found plenty that said people prioritise friends as they get older. Which is of course subjective as its different for everyone.

I don't believe for a second though that people prioritise their siblings over their husbands and wives or are closer to them. I can't imagine many people willingly staying in marriages if that wad the case.

Wow. The ignorance.

I think a lot of people tend to rely on their parents for support when younger, and on their children when older, but I haven't seen many examples in my life of people depending on their siblings more than they depend on their friends.

Perhaps it is more common amongst people who tend to stay living in the same communities as the ones that they grew up in, and where extended families live close to each other etc. I think it's much less common amongst people who have moved away for uni/work etc.

I'm very surprised by your claim that most people are closer to their siblings than their spouses. Do you seriously believe this?

Surveys frequently show that most people agree that family comes first and they would seek advice from family first. The emphasis on family generally increases as people age. Of course this won't be universally true but evidence suggest it is generally that way for most people.