Honest opinion - what do you think of parents choosing to have one child?

Ah apologies if that wasn't clear. I meant in the context of an elderly person being widowed. This makes a huge impact because normally spouses are the first line of defence so to speak when someone needs support. Without them we start to look towards friends and family and other networks more.

@Bargepole45 one of your posts includes a sentence that states most of your comments are being made in the context of being widowed, so posters have assumed you are widowed

Exactly, that's literally why I wrote that nothing is guaranteed as the final sentence of my post. It's all odds and probabilities. Having siblings or children is a protective factor but it isn't a guarantee as you get elderly. Same goes for an extensive friendship group or large community such as you find at churches etc. Obviously we can all go out and make friends or join some communities but we don't control how many siblings we have or sometimes how many children we can have. Someone that has all these things will be better positioned to face old age than someone with less or none of these things.

Blood is thicker than water is generally true for most people with the exception of spouses. Obviously this extends beyond siblings too. I have loads of great friends that I know I could rely on but I would turn to family first as would most people according to studies and surveys.

Also I'm not widowed myself. Again, don't know where you got that from.

No thoughts at all

It's a far better scenario than I see on some of the posts on here from posters who clearly have far too many children than they can cope with or stay with partners they clearly don't love just because they want more children.

The best thing a child can have is a stable upbringing with loving parents. They'll make their own family. There's a million things worse than being born to older parents with little extended family.

There's threads posted on here about growing up in large families and it usually mirrors these ones. Some people loved it as they do being only children. Others hated citing the fact they felt their parents couldn't cope with so many children and lack of parent attention and in many cases it led them to just having one child themselves. Just like you see some only children having more than one child!

So in conclusion, there's no perfect family size. People will usually find something to complain about. I have two brothers and wished for a long time I had a sister who I was close to. But there's no guarantee I'd actually get a sister I was close to and I have a wonderful childhood best friend who is like a sister to me.

Very true. I, for the most part, get on well with my siblings and I speak to them on the phone two or three times a week. But spending time in person with them is another matter! One is more like me and appreciates his own space, but the other one has no boundaries and no sense of personal space. One day is my limit with that one! After that, I need a break

Five minutes in the company of my eldest sibling is enough to set my teeth on edge. The thought of us living in harmony, sharing memories or being any sort of companionship makes me want to gouge my eyeballs out.

Yes of course good sibling relationships are beneficial but I don't think they can be argued they'll be a constant throughout your life once friend's and spouses pass away. Your sibling is just as likely to pass away before you reach old age. Nothing is a given.

I have one, and the main reason is my daughter totally fulfilled my desire to be a mother. I don´t nee anyone else.
I would think, why the hell did she do that to herself ten times? (an influencer in Spain who has 10 kids), but I stress the word "think", I would never ever say anything to somebody about their choice of family.

Not in mine.

I get on fine with my dsis and I do speak to her quite often, but she wouldn't be my go-to in a crisis, and I don't imagine I would be that for her - though I would help her if she needed it. I do have some resentment about the fact that our dad's care has fallen solely to me with no support.

My DH had five siblings and was only close to one of them, who died from cancer when still quite young. He does support the 1 remaining sibling who is still alive, but she is not in a position to offer him any support in return.

My closest friend is NC with two of her siblings following their terrible behaviour when they lost one of their parents. Her relationship with her third sibling is very strained.

Another good friend has contact with her sibling but finds it terribly stressful. The sibling certainly isn't a source of support.

An old friend of from uni is still battling a lifelong eating disorder as a result of having been sexually abused by her disabled brother and disbelieved by her parents when she told them.

My father got on ok with his siblings when he saw them at family weddings and funerals but never thought to contact them or see them in between.

My mum was close to her brother, but had a much more fraught relationship with her sister.

One of my colleagues has had a massive falling out with his siblings over inheritance issues.

Of course, I know people who are super close to their siblings - my dd's bf's mum is extremely close to her sister, for example. But I know far more people with complicated relationships with siblings and more who barely have any contact with them than I know siblings who are super close and heavily involved in each other's lives.

@Bargepole45 you see a number of threads where one sibling has to/is expected to look after another one, especially after the parents have died (and the sibling without health conditions would have had to deal with elderly parents on their own too)

Other threads where the lives of siblings can be seriously impaired by the behaviour of another sibling.

Many threads where one sibling is pretty much left to it when caring for elderly parents

I wonder if the scenario of all siblings living in perfect harmony throughout their life is what happens in most families. I’m not sure it is in my circle of friends/relatives

But nothing is guaranteed with siblings either? Siblings may also die. Or they get dementia. Or they move abroad. Or they go NC. Or they may just be indifferent.

The good thing about friends is that a) you have chosen them and b) you can have as many of them as you like. You can even make new ones if the old ones fade away.

Your statement that blood is thicker than water doesn't stack up because you yourself have agreed that some non-blood relationships are every bit as strong as blood ones. It seems that you haven't had friends who fall into that category yourself, but many of us have, and I simply don't agree with your assessment that most people rely more on their siblings than on their friends. That simply doesn't align with what I've seen.

No, again this is almost wilful misinterpretation. I made a statement that blood is thicker than water and most people prioritise family over friends. Someone then said the phrase was offensive (it isn't!) and asked about non blood relatives and what that phrase meant for them. I stated that generally, for most people, these relatives would be in laws and generally they wouldn't necessarily be considered as family in the same way that most people view their blood family.

You then started referencing spouses as non blood relatives which they technically are but obviously are more life partners and in a category of their own.

So basically I agree with you that in laws are irrelevant to all of this.

My initial point was to compare siblings with friends before others muddied the water. My experience runs counter to your experience. Friends can loom large in people's lives at various points in time but siblings are a more consistent source of support and more likely to be there at the end. Of course this won't be true for everyone and some people have poor relationships with their sibling but my point is on a thread like this is that an only child doesn't have the opportunity for this at all. They must rely heavily on friends or a spouse (hoping they survive), especially if they don't have children themselves. It's just a risk to consider. Nothing is guaranteed.

Nothing 🤔

Dh is an only and going through parents death/caring for parent now. As his spouse, I get relied on a lot too. Holidays are tricky because there’s no one else to give us a break. When Fil died, my siblings stepped up and helped with various things including funeral logistics.
I still don’t have any thoughts around anyone having an only. Things are just how they are and it’s just a fact that things are harder without siblings that you get on with.

No, it's neither.

I think nothing of it. Do what you like

This, who cares how many children someone has?

You do you. I had 3, my youngest has one….will never have another…and my other 2 have none of their own, only step children. That won’t change.

I agree.....I have 2 DDs and both say they couldn't/wouldn't want to imagine not having each other but equally I've often found that 'only' children make more effort with friendships and as a result are often more gregarious and outgoing

@Strawberriesandpears if the projection is correct that in a few years only children will make up 50% of families, and there are a number of people that don’t have children, the lack of extended family is going to become more normal.

I think it is important that families have the social skills to build a bigger network, not just restricted to family

Is it selfish / unfair to have an only child when you don't have much extended family yourself, I wonder? Especially if you are an older parent.

Not expressing an opinion, just asking for thoughts please.

Wouldn’t give it a thought. One child families are quite common in London. I’ve heard one friend claim it’s ‘selfish’ but given she was struggling with her three at the time, I think she was just externalising her frustrations on others.

No one else's business. I know a lot of people who only have one child. Some by choice, some because of medical issues and could only have one.

And I'm sorry to hear that you were widowed. But in that scenario, my friends and my adult daughter would be my primary sources of support - my dsis would no doubt want to help, but she would not in any way be the person to get me through.